Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Marriage Of The Undead
    (1,810 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Bring Home The Bacon

    | Florida, USA |

    (A customer comes in to pick up a catered BLT tray she had previously ordered over the phone.)

    Customer: “I can’t take these, they have bacon on them!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, there must have been a mistake. This ticket is for the BLT tray?”

    Customer: “Right, that’s right. You shouldn’t put bacon on them! My boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “But you did order the BLT?”

    Customer: “Right, yes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there must have been a misunderstanding. The BLT comes with bacon, lettuce, and tomato. I can get a manager to help you correct the order if you’d like.”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “I completely understand; we’d be happy to remake the tray for you if you’re willing to wait about ten minutes until we serve the people in our take-out line.”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “I understand, and I apologize. We’ll be happy to remake the tray for you without bacon if you can wait just a few minutes.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait that long!” (She rips off the tray and starts throwing strips of bacon on the counter. The manager looks up and sees her.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s against the health code!”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    (Glow)Stick of Bread

    | Kaiserslautern, Germany |

    (This happened a long time ago, not long after the Chernobyl nuclear reactor meltdown. I am marking bags of bread with large black X’s.)

    Customer: “What are the X’s?”

    Me: “The bread marked with an X is a day old, so it is half price.”

    Customer: “The X means it’s contaminated by Chernobyl, doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Nope. Just a day old.”

    Customer: *Winking and nodding.* “Riiight. Day-old. Gotcha.”

    (A couple minutes later the manager comes and tells me to help the frozen food crew empty a freezer that has stopped working. As we are loading the frozen food into carts to take it back to the walk-in freezer, the same customer wanders by. Her eyes suddenly get very wide.)

    Customer: “S***! Is there anything here that isn’t radioactive?”

    (The customer hastily exits the store, leaving her cart of presumably radioactive groceries behind.)

    Doubling in Dublin

    | Dublin, Ireland |

    (Note: It’s several days before Valentine’s Day.)

    Customer: “Just these, please!”

    (The customer hands me two Valentine’s Day cards. One is titled “To my wife,” and the other is titled “To my girlfriend”. Got to love his lack of shame!)

    Hell In A Handbag

    | Maastricht, The Netherlands | Criminal/Illegal, Religion, Top

    Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”

    Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”

    Me: “Why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Are you?”

    Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”

    Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”

    Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”

    Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, she’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”

    Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”

    Me: *surprised* “What for?”

    Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”

    (The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)

    Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice the devil putting them there!”

    May We Suggest Hire Education

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Can I have an application to work here?”

    Me: “We will need a copy of your r√©sum√© before you fill out an application.”

    Customer: “What’s a r√©sum√©?”

    Me: “A r√©sum√© lists your work experience and contacts.”

    Customer: “Where do I get one?”

    Me: “You can find lots of books that tell you the correct way to fill one out.”

    Customer: “Can you write one for me?”

    Me: “I don’t think you’re gonna get this job.”

    Page 1,722/2,192First...1,7201,7211,7221,7231,724...Last