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    Denomination Fascination

    | New York, NY, USA | Money

    (Note: I am a customer, waiting in line at a bank. I overhear the following conversation between the teller and a customer and his friend.)

    Customer: “I’d like to withdraw $160, please.”

    Teller: “Sure, no problem. How would you like that today?”

    Customer: “Umm, three fifties and a ten, please.”

    Customer’s friend: “Whoa, whoa, wait a second. The bank has ten dollar bills?!”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School

    (At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

    (I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

    Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

    Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

    Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

    Student: “Water, duh!”

    (There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

    Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

    Batty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Toledo, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

    Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

    Cashier: *stunned*

    Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

    Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

    Se Habla Japañol

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am taking orders on both lanes at the fast food restaurant. I already have other customers at the second window as someone pulls up to the menu board.)

    Customer: “Hablas español?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Hablas español?”

    (I say the only thing I know in Spanish.)

    Me: “Lo siento, pero no puedo hablar español. Solamente inglés o japonés.” (“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Only English or Japanese.”)

    Customer: *in heavily accented English* “I SPEAK JAPANESE TOO!”

    Me: “Hontoo? Nihongo o hanasu?” (“Really? You speak Japanese?”)

    Customer: “Soo desu yo! Shichi-ban ga hoshii, nomimono wa Sprite desu!” (“Yes I do! I want a number 7 with Sprite!”)

    Me: “Nani mo ga hoshii?” (“Would you like anything else?”)

    Customer: “Chotto.” (“No thank you.”)

    Me: “Hai soo desu, shichi doru san juu sento onegaishimasu. Ni-ban me fune de gozaimasu.”

    (The other customers at the second window are still there with a flabbergasted look on their faces. I hand them their food.)

    Me: “Don’t ask, it’d take too long to explain. Have a nice night.”

    Other Customers: “Sayonara!”

    No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

    | North Carolina, USA | Money

    (I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

    Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

    Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

    Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

    Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

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