I work at the customer service desk in a big box store in a conservative, religious, and mostly white part of the country. We have signs up all over the store about a huge coupon book you can claim if you fill out a customer survey.

Customer: “So how do I get one of them coupon book things?”

Me: “Just fill out this form and you can pick up a coupon book today!”

Customer: “I hate forms, are you sure I have to?”

Me: “I’m afraid you do need to complete the survey to be entitled to the book.”

Customer: “I suppose I don’t get nothin’ for nothin’.”

The customer takes the form and fills it out on the side of the desk. They bring it back, with almost all the diversity information missing.

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you do need to fill out the diversity section. You left it blank.”

Customer: “But I’m white! I don’t have an ethnicity!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir, I’ll just put down ‘Caucasian’ for you.”

Customer: “I ain’t no Asian, but if it means I get the coupons that’s fine… I guess.”

Dear readers,

Can you believe we’ve passed the half-way point of 2023 already? Where did the time go? So far in 2023, Twitter has continued to become an example of how not to run a company, the UK put some heavy jewelry on the head of someone called Charles, and the Super Mario Bros showed us you don’t need a plot for a movie to make $1.5billion. We also published over 3,000 stories for you to enjoy, and so for a few roundups this week we’re going to highlight some of our favorites!

Today: The 23 highest-voted customer stories* of 2023 so far!

My Manager, My Hero – In a perfect world, managers don’t need to be this heroic. Until then, we have this manager!

When They Go Low, You Go Thigh – Combat racism, and ableism, and eat fried chicken? Win!

How To Fail Upward – The pantry! Won’t someone think of the paaaaantry?!

(more…)

I’m baking in the evening and realise that I just don’t have enough of one ingredient. I check the time and realise I have ten minutes before the supermarket five minutes away closes. I know the aisle where the product is, so I think I can dash down, quickly look down the aisle, and pay before the shop closes.

I get there with five minutes to go, and I’m not surprised that there are signs that the place is closing. I go down two flights to where the food section is and get to the aisle. I spot the product I am looking for, but before I can grab it, an employee appears and starts speaking to me in German.

Me: “Entschuldigung, mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut. Sprechen Sie Englisch?” *Sorry, my German is not so good. Do you speak English?*

Employee: “We are closing. You need to leave.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I just came to get this.”

I grab the thing I need.

Employee: “You need to go; we are closing.”

Me: “Yes, I’m just heading to the self-checkout to get this.”

I try to walk around him.

Employee: “You need to go; we are closing.”

I check the time; I still have two minutes until the place closes.

Me: “Yes, I know. I am trying to leave. I just want to buy this first.”

I managed to walk around him. By that point, another employee was watching me. Both employees followed me to the self-checkout and watched me check out as if I were about to turn around and run to go and find another 500 items. I bought my thing and left.

I checked the time as I walked out and the grill shut behind me. It was closing time on the dot. I know the Swiss are punctual, but that felt like a joke. I never went to that shop within half an hour of closing again.

While this has since changed, I used to work for a retailer that accepted returns no matter what, even if common sense told us not to.

Customer: “I want to return this blender.”

Me: “Has it been used?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, but it looks like the box has been opened, so I need to check—”

Customer: “No, it hasn’t been opened.”

Me: “Ma’am, the box has been opened and re-taped with duct tape. It’s clearly been opened.”

Customer: “No, that wasn’t me.”

Me: “Okay, well I still need to check anyway.”

Customer: “Waste of time; I’m still getting my refund.”

I open the box and find the blender’s blades are completely destroyed. It looks like they tried to blend some adamantium or something.

Me: “What… what happened to this blender?”

Customer: “Beats me, I didn’t open it remember?”

Me: “Okay, what shall I put as the reason for the return?”

Customer: “Just don’t want it no more.”

Me: “Okay, can I see your ID to log the refund?”

Customer: “I can’t. I lost it.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I think that’s the first true thing you’ve told me.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Your ID is at the bottom of the inside of the blender box.”

I take out the ID and she looks at me with a “so THAT’S where it went” wide-eyed look. She demanded a manager, who sadly still had to approve the return because DUMB CORPORATE but she also looked totally embarrassed while doing it so there’s that at least.

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 65
Refunder Blunder, Part 64
Refunder Blunder, Part 63
Refunder Blunder, Part 62
Refunder Blunder, Part 61

This story took place when my sister was around five years old. Like many five-year-olds, she was very fond of the 1939 movie “The Wizard Of Oz”. During a road trip, one of my parents announced that we would soon be crossing into the state of Kansas.

Sister: “Is Kansas going to be in black and white?”