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    An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 3

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (At the register where I work, we try to push sales of cookies. We have only two kinds of cookies: walnuts and without walnuts.)

    Customer: “I think I will take a chocolate chip cookie without walnuts. It should be cheaper since it has no nuts, right? Because it’s lighter, I feel I should get a discount.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the plain chocolate chip cookies are the same weight as the cookies with the walnuts. It’s because we add extra chocolate chips to balance it out.”

    Customer: *pause* “Dang, you’re good at this.”

    Related:
    An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2
    An Abundance Of Nuttiness

    Coupons Are A Big Deal

    | Lewiston, ME, USA | Top

    (I am a customer at a deli. I am the second in line.)

    Cashier: “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity]? You’ll receive a–”

    Customer ahead of me:“No! What is it with all these add-ons? I’m so sick of it! You should be ashamed of yourself!””

    (The customer continues her tirade and the poor cashier looks like she is near tears. The customer is finished, then the cashier rings up my order. The customer continues to stand at the counter as she is waiting for her food.)

    Cashier, to me: “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity]? You’ll receive a free coupon book.”

    Me: “A coupon book? Sure, why not?”

    (The cashier takes my money, and hands me the coupon book.)

    Customer, to me: “What kind of coupons are in there?”

    Me: “I don’t know. You can take a look, if you want.”

    (The customer flips through the coupon book. She then goes to put it in her purse.)

    Me: “Excuse me? That was my coupon book.”

    Customer: “Oh right! Oops! How silly of me!”

    (She hands me the coupon book.)

    Customer: “Say, how about if I buy that $10 off coupon for [local party supplies store] off of you for $1?”

    Me: “Well, I guess so.”

    (The customer hands me $1, and I give her the coupon. I then turn to the cashier and give her the dollar.)

    Me, to cashier: “Can I donate another dollar and get another coupon book?”

    Cashier: “Sure!”

    (The customer looks confused and embarrassed.)

    Me, to customer: “Oh, by the way, I get annoyed with all of the extra questions and add-ons too. But I find a simple, ‘No, thank you,’ works just fine.”

    Customer: “Hmph!”

    (She crosses her arms and pouts until her food is ready. She then grabs it and stomps out.)

    Circular Calls

    | PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, does your phone number still work?”

    Me: “Well, you’re taking to me…so yes.”

    Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust, Part 2

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    (An elderly lady comes in with a very blurry and old photo she wants made bigger.)

    Customer: “This is a photo of my son. He was in a band in the 80’s! I want it made bigger!”

    Me: “Madam, this photo is very damaged, blurry and old. It’s probably better that you get it just the standard size so you won’t notice the loss of quality so much.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s no good? This photo is a good photo! I want it about A4 size!”

    Me: “Okay. Do you happen to have the negative?”

    Customer: “No, it never had a negative. It was taken with a digital camera!”

    Me: “It must have a negative. They didn’t have digital camera’s in the 80’s.”

    Customer: “Yes they did! It was digitised!”

    Me: “Okay, madam. I will just use this photo and make it bigger for you. It’ll take me about an hour to get it done. But I am just letting you know that the quality will be very bad.”

    Customer: “It will look good, don’t you worry. That’s my son! He always looks good!”

    Related:
    Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust

    Your Query Is In Arrears

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Is Ricky the front end supervisor?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, he is no good! If Ricky is the front end supervisor, is there a rear end supervisor?”

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