Intelligently Unavailable

| Cambridge, England, UK | Books & Reading

Customer: “Hi, I would like to order a copy of [book] please.”

Me: *searches computer* “Sorry, sir, it looks like that book is out of print.”

Customer: “I know that. I want you to order me a copy.”

Me: “I can’t, sir. It’s out of print. They aren’t printing anymore copies.”

Customer: “Oh, well, your colleague already told me that. I just thought you looked smarter, so you could probably get it for me.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So you can’t get it for me then?”

Me: “No.”

They’re Cute Even When Caught

| Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m lifeguarding the little kid pool, which has a slide in it, when a little girl walks up to me and tugs on my shorts.)

Me: “Yes, hun? What’s up?”

Little girl: “That little boy right there keeps butting in line.”

(She points to a boy climbing out of the slide.)

Me: “Alright, dear. I’ll take care of it.”

(I make eye contact with the boy and motion for him to come over.)

Me: “Some kids are saying you’ve been cutting in line. Have you?”

Little boy: *smiles* “Actually, yes, I have!”

Me: “Are we supposed to cut in line?”

Little boy: “No, we aren’t. Mommy says it’s not nice.”

Me: “Then are you gonna keep cutting in line?”

Little boy: “Not anymore!” *skips away*

Self-Serve Sashimi

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a co-op food store and it’s not uncommon for people to eat an apple or something while they shop and pay for it at the register. A woman comes to the check out line and I notice an empty raw fish package.)

Customer: *trying to be discrete* “Oh…um…I’m also paying for this.”

(She holds up the empty raw fish package.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me, did…did you eat that?”

Customer: “Keep it down! I don’t want the entire store to know!”

Not A Measure Of Intelligence

| New Hampshire, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am helping a customer load some insulation. We were unsure if it would fit. This occurs after it did, in fact, fit.)

Customer: “The insulation fit by like that much huh?”

(The customer holds out hands gesturing about a foot in length.)

Me: “Yeah, I guess so!”

Customer: “Wanna know how I knew it would fit?”

Me: “How?”

Customer: “Because that’s the size of my c–”

Me: “OKAY! Have a good day!”

The Volatility Of Intelligence

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I spilled coffee on my phone. I need warranty replacement.”

Me: “Sorry, but the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

Caller: “It wasn’t liquid damage. It was coffee damage!”

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