Off-site And Out Of Sight

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for an automated parking structure. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to the cameras at the entrances. All we know about a situation is what a customer tells us over the intercom system.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken. It won’t take my credit card.”

Me: “Well, let’s see if I can help you. Please insert your ticket facing up, and then insert your credit card facing the same way.”

Customer: “Like this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t have any cameras there, so I can’t see what direction you’re trying to insert your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh. Like this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I still can’t see you. Are you inserting the ticket facing up?”

Customer: “Like this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see you. Can you describe what the ticket looks like for me?”

*pause*

Customer: “Like this?”

A Dark Day For Political Correctness

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Top

(Keep in mind that I’m wearing a black shirt.)

Customer: “I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’ll try, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, do you carry any construction paper?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It is right this way, if you would follow me.”

(We walk to the aisle.)

Customer: “Do you have any dark paper, though?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What color of dark paper are you looking for?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m a moron.)

Customer: “Dark paper! Like your shirt!”

Me: “Oh, you mean black.”

Customer: *gasps* “I’m sorry, but I can not believe you would say that! I feel that word is just so offensive to the colored community!”

(The customer storms out of the building, muttering about racists. The customer is white.)

At A Loss

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

(We offer third party services to obtain home loan modifications.)

Me: “Hello. Please be advised that during the loss mitigation solution, we will be requesting updated financials.”

Client: “Loss…migration solution?”

Me: “No. Loss mitigation solution.”

Client: “Loss m… miti… mitigigration?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Loss mitigation. Spelt m, i, t-”

Client: “Well, whatever it is. Yeah, I’ll get the stuff for you for the migration solution.” *pauses* “Oh, d***! You know, that ‘M’ word.”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

(The customer is a middle-aged male, wearing a tweed jacket and thick glasses. He’s buying all of the ‘Twilight’ books.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yes, unfortunately. I’m really not looking forward to reading these.”

Me: “Oh, why not?”

Customer: “Well, I’m an English professor. Every time I reference low forms of literature, I always use Twilight as the example. Today a student asked if I’ve actually read them, and I had to say no. They demanded that I do.”

(He hangs his head in shame.)

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”

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