• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,571 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    (I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

    Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

    Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

    Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

    Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

    Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 3

    | Kent, UK | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (During an audio/visual experience of the siege of 1216 within a castle, I am approached by a tourist.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, sir. Can you help me with a question?”

    Me: “Of course. What would you like to know?”

    Tourist: “Is the footage being shown actual live footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Me: “You want to know if this video is showing actual footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Tourist: “How silly of me. They only had black and white video back then, didn’t they?”

    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 2
    Lack Of Grey Matter

    Not Quite The Code To Success

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Top

    (A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22 year old brunette girls.)

    Co-worker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

    Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

    (I take the phone.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

    Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

    Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

    Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

    Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Wait, are you the one with big boobs or no boobs?”

    Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

    | London, UK | Money, Uncategorized

    (Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

    Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

    Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get discount for that or something!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

    Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

    Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”


    Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”

    A Nugget Of Truth Can Get You In Trouble

    , | KY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (The fast food restaurant I work at has a bar right behind and our drive-thru stays open until 2 am. Like most fast food places, we cannot serve you in the drive-thru if you aren’t in a car.)

    Customer #1: *walks up and bangs on the drive-thru window* “Hey!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer #1: “I want a cheeseburger and some fries. Oh and a shake.”

    Customer #2: “And nuggets, don’t forget nuggets!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t serve you unless you are in a car.”

    Customer #1: “But I’ve been drinking.”

    Me: “I understand, but it’s not safe to have people in the drive-thru when they aren’t in their car.”

    Customer #1: “Okay.”

    (About 20 minutes later, they pull around very fast, passing the menu. I notice his unfinished beer is sitting between his knees.)

    Customer #1: “Okay. I want a cheeseburger–”

    Me: “Sir, do you realize that you are now drinking and driving and I can call the police?”

    (Customer #1 goes white and starts to drive away.)

    Customer #2: *as they pull away* “You forgot my nuggets!”