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    Third Time’s A Charm For A Two-Faced One Track Mind

    , | Washington, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Um yeah, my phone stopped working. I need you guys to fix that for me.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. May I ask what exactly is the problem?”

    Caller: “Well, the internet on my phone quit working a few days ago.”

    Me: “Okay, I can definitely help you out with that. I do need your mobile phone number please…”

    (The customer gives me his number, and I discover that his phone is not compatible with the internet plan on his account. Furthermore, he can not change it because the account is not in his name.)

    Me: “…okay, so you understand why we cannot change that, right?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks anyway, man.”

    Me: “Not a problem sir. Thank you very much for choosing [phone company]. You have a wonderful day, sir.”

    (This is where things get interesting. Instead of hanging up, I immediately hear the following…)

    Female voice: “Aw baby, what’s wrong?”

    Caller: “This f***ing douchebag wont fix my g**d*** phone! I’ve had this d***ed thing for three years, never had a problem with it, now this f*** wont help me out!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You never actually hung up the phone. Might I suggest we do that now before anything else is said?”

    Caller: *brief pause* “… oh my God!I am so sorry! Oh my God sir, please don’t turn off my phone, PLEASE!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Just please remember to hang up the phone, okay?”

    (I wait for him to hang up a second time, but again, he doesn’t…)

    Caller: “I can’t believe that f***ing p***k stayed on the phone! What we he trying to do?! A**hole! I mean, can’t he freaking help a guy out?!”

    Female voice: *quietly* “I think you’re on speakerphone…”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You forgot to hang up again.”

    Caller: “S***! GIMME A BREAK!” *click*

    Destroying America, One Backwards Part At A Time

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I’m working the returns desk, when a man comes in carrying a half assembled bookshelf and it’s box and slams it on my counter.)

    Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve had it with this.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’ve spent six hours. SIX HOURS! I’m trying to get this together, my kids are crying because it doesn’t look cool. I’ve tried it every way, and I’m not incapable, but this is impossible!”

    Me: “Hmm, it looks like some of the pieces were manufactured wrong. This appears to be upside down and this one the holes aren’t on the right side.”

    Customer: “That’s not the problem. The problem is someone pissed off an employee in China and he’s taking it out on me!”

    Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “I want a mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.”

    (He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.)

    Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!”

    Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.”

    Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!”

    They Charge Extra For The Tail End Of The Journey

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling **** Airlines. This is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?”

    Me: “It’s $50 per leg.”

    Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?”

    Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.”

    Customer: “…oh. Thank you.” *hangs up*

    Dreams Really Do Fall Through

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

    (My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Girl: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “I don’t even know you.”

    Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

    (She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

    Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

    (This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

    Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

    Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

    Girl: “Never mind then.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic


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