Well, It’s The Sponge’s Day Off

| Ord, NE, USA | Food & Drink

(It’s my first time running drive-through. The floor manager and one or two other employees also have their headsets on.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I will have a chicken sandwich, and my grandson will have a Crabby Patty kids meal.”

(The floor manager’s jaw drops. The other employees burst out laughing.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have Crabby Patties. Those are off of a kids’ TV show.”

Customer: “Oh…well, do you have anything like it?”

In This War, There Are No Winners

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a state-run liquor store, which basically means the state owns everything, including the liquor. All damages are written off at no penalty to us or the customers. A customer approaches me holding a 1/2 gallon glass bottle.)

Customer: “So, you’re state run, right?

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “So, if I break something, do I have to pay?”

Me: “No, but it would be really nice if you didn’t.”

Customer: “Well, here’s to getting my tax dollars back!”

(The customer suddenly smashes the $100 bottle on the ground and walks out.)

My boss: *sighs and gets a mop and broom*

Bedtime Vs. Lifetime Stories

, | California, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”

Always After The Next Best Thing

| Southampton, UK | Love/Romance

Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

Me: *speechless*

A Call To Arms

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(Since we are a large store, we communicate with each other on radios. I am helping a customer when my manager starts speaking into the radio.)

Manager: “I need an additional cashier to the registers.”

Customer: *pauses in mid-sentence* “Wait…is she talking to me?”

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