Deliver Us From Stupidity

| Dundee, UK | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hello, I was wanting a delivery to [address]. Can I get two roast beef sandwiches?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t actually do deliveries.”

Caller: “Liar! Why would you even have a phone number in the first place then?”

Bride Denied

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(Two women walk in.)

Me: “Hi how can I help you?”

Customer: “We’d like to return this dinnerware set. It comes from a registry so here that is also.”

Me: “Okay. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No, we just decided we didn’t like the bride that much.”

Stretched Pennies Stretch The Budget

| North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

(I work at the food court at a zoo. After one customer gives an order, their total comes to $10.26. They fish out a 10 dollar bill and a quarter, and continue to look for a penny.)

Me: “Oh, that’ll be fine.”

Customer: “You sure? I know I have a penny in here somewhere, I’d rather just give you that.”

Me: “Oh, okay then.”

(The customer pulls out a penny that has been in a Press A Penny machine, machines that we have around the zoo that flatten, shape, and add an animal imprint design to pennies.)

Customer: “Here you are.”

Me: “Well thank you, but you realize you can’t use this penny, right?”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “It’s not valid anymore. But really, it’s fine if you’re one cent short.”

Customer: “It’s not about that! It’s about why you’re all too good for my money!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take it, but it’s not–”

Customer: “Is it because I’m [ethnicity]?”

Me: “No, ma’am!”

Customer: “Then tell me what it is! The real reason!”

Me: “Um…” *I look at the penny* “Oh! Yeah, this penny is valid. Sorry, I mistook it for something, uh, else.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *walking off* “Some people these days!”

A Sign That Tells The Future Is A Sign

, | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in and orders two large pizzas and tries to pay with a $100 bill.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t provide more than $20 in change.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “It’s our policy.”

Customer: “Then you should have a sign up telling people that!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you look to your right you’ll see just such a sign.”

Customer: “You should have a sign that tells people before they get here!”

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

| Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

(I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”

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