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    Extreme Primate Refereeing

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (I work at a snack cart across from the gorilla enclosure. A woman walks up to me and this conversation ensued.)

    Customer: “Look! Look! The gorillas are fighting!”

    Me: “No, they just rough-house like that about this time every day.”

    Customer: “No, that’s fighting, someone’s going to get hurt.”

    Me: “Ma’am, seriously, that’s how they play.”

    Customer: “That’s a fight! Stop them! Right now! It’s a bad example for the children.”

    Me: “Stop them…how?”

    Customer: “Get in there and make them cut it out right now!”

    Me: *staring at her while other customers in line laugh*

    Customer: *stomping off* “I’m telling your boss you won’t stop that violence!”

    Next customer in line: “So you’re in charge of gorillas AND churros, huh?”

    When Political Causes Collide

    , | Victoria, BC, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is this table made? It’s not made in China, is it?”

    Me: “Yes, I do believe it’s made in China.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you would sell things from China.”

    Me: “Well, we have a factory there that makes custom furnishings directly for us. I assure you they’re of the highest quality.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t shop here! This is an outrage!

    Me: “I don’t see the problem…”

    Customer: “The problem is that they do animal testing in China!”

    Me: “Um, this is a table.”

    Customer: “They still do animal testing!”

    Me: “Well, I assure you no animals were harmed during the building of this table.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Baked Goods For A Baked Customer

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell baked chicken here?”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, this is a bakery. There is a deli a block down the road.”

    Customer: “Exactly, this is a bakery. You should have the baked chicken I need.”

    Me: “No, we sell baked goods here, like bread and cake. The deli is just a block away down [street].”

    Customer: “You sell BAKED goods at the BAKERY and I want BAKED chicken.”

    Me: *tries something different* “Umm… we’re sold out.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I guess I’ll go to the deli down the road then.”

    Me: “…”

    Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Top

    (I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

    Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

    Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

    Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

    Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

    Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

    Coworker: “Here.”

    Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

    Beauty Is Pain… Mental Pain

    | Bradenton, FL, USA | Top

    (I work in the Fragrance and Cosmetics department, and one slow night I had this phone conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I bought a lipstick earlier today and I can’t work it.”

    Me: “Um, OK. What exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “I just…I can’t work it.”

    Me: “All right, well, some of them are packaged weird. What brand is it?”

    Customer: “Lancome.”

    Me: “Those are pretty standard, they work just like any other lipstick.”

    Customer: “But how do I work it?”

    Me: “Um, you just twist the top part in one direction, and the bottom part in the other direction.”

    Customer: “But after I do that, how do I get it back in?”

    Me: “You do the same thing, only in reverse.”

    Customer: “But there’s a hole in the top. Is this the kind I can’t carry in my purse? It would get all over everything.”

    Me: “Um, well, the lid is reusable. You can put it back on the lipstick after you twist it back down.”

    Customer: “Oh, that part can go back on. I see! How clever.”


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