November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Losing Cruise Control

| Keene, NH, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I am working in the fitting room when a woman walks up to my counter.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How many items?”

Customer: “You don’t sell winter jackets, do you? I didn’t see any. Nothing like this that I bought at [other store]. This cost me only eighty-nine dollars!”

Me: “That’s very nice, ma’am.”

(I try to remain friendly as the woman shows me her jacket, her purse, and the shoes she is currently wearing. This goes on for about ten minutes.)

Customer: “You know, I went on a cruise a few weeks ago. Now I need to buy a swim suit, but I don’t suppose you have any, do you?”

Me: “Actually, we just got a bunch of bathing suits in a few weeks ago. They’re over in the corner of the women’s department.”

(The customer spends about ten more minutes telling me about all of the different cruises she had been on. I’m trying not to be rude, but I have other customers who are trying to get into the fitting room. One by one they go in, and one by one this customer stops them to tell them about all of her cruises. All in all, this lasts for about fifteen more minutes.)

Customer: “And would you believe that I’m fifty eight years old! I look great for my age, don’t you think? It’s because of all of the cruises I’ve been on! At least two a year. I’m very rich.”

Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

(Eventually, the customer’s husband comes over and grabs her by the arm.)

Customer’s husband: “Why are you still over here?! You’ve been here for nearly half an hour.”

Customer: “Oh, I was just telling this nice young lady about all of the cruises you’ve taken me on!”

Customer’s husband: “You’ve never been on a god d*** cruise in your entire life, you old bat!”

Willy Always Was A Bit Wonky

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like an oompa loompa.”

Me: “Oompa loompa?”

Customer: “Yes, one of those caramel apple oompa loompas!”

Me: “Do you mean an empinada?”

Customer: “That’s exactly what I said.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8

| Broomfield, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(A customer is paying her credit card bill.)

Me: “Would you like to pay with cash, check, or debit card?”

Customer: “I can pay with a debit card?”

Me: “You sure can.”

(The customer slides her card.)

Customer: “I don’t remember my pin. I’ll just try one.”

(The customer’s card is declined.)

Me: “Do you want to try again?”

Customer: “No, my mom will use her card.”

(The customer’s mother tries, but she doesn’t remember her PIN either.)

Me: “You can pay with cash or a check.”

(The customer pulls a folded check from her pocket and hands it to me. I open it to see that it’s blank.)

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Oh, am I supposed to fill that out?”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

| Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

Me: “How about a ten to twelve pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

(We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an 18 pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”

A Tourist Traveling To Terror Incognita

| Ashburn, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I’m working as the ticket tearer when two young kids come up and ask me a question.)

Kid #1: “Our parents were in a different movie. They said they would be out first, but they aren’t here. It’s been a long time.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what movie they saw?”

Kid #2: “It was the terrorist, they went to see the terrorists!”

Me: “Oh! The Tourist with Johnny Depp. That won’t get out for another 10 minutes.”

Kid #1: “No it was the Terrorist! They said there was bombs and gangsters so we had to see Tangled instead.”

Me: “Well we don’t have that movie, so I’m sure it was the Tourist.”

(Kids walk away to wait. I overhear them.)

Kid #2: “What’s a tourist?”

Kid #1: “It must be the terrorists’ friends!”