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    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2

    | Appleton, WI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hi, I just want to know why my bill is higher this month. You guys are always adding charges to my bill, and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I will be more than happy to help you figure out those charges. Let me pull up the account. Who am I speaking with?”

    Caller: “I can’t tell you that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I need to pull up the account to find out what your charges are. I can’t do that if I don’t get any information from you.”

    Caller: *reluctantly gives name* “I don’t know why you keep asking me for this information! You have my credit card numbers and social security numbers and whatever else! What government agency are you selling my information to, anyway?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not sell your information. I can’t even access any of your–”

    Caller: “I know you tell them where I call! The police are tapping my phone and harassing me! I know you have my information!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am…well, the charges on your account seem to be 411 charges.”

    Caller: “That’s so they don’t know who I’m calling!” *click*

    When ‘Geography For Dummies’ Is A Step Up

    | Bangor, ME, USA |

    (A customer called to check on the status of a mail order she mailed a week prior. I mentioned that mail orders are sent to Albany, NY.)

    Customer: “Where are you?”

    Me: “I am in Bangor, Maine.”

    Customer: “Oh. Is that in New York?”

    Me: “No. It’s… Bangor, Maine.” pause “Bangor is a city in the state of Maine.”

    Customer: “Really? Where is Maine?”

    Me: “It’s northeast of New York. It is the most northeastern state in the country. It borders New Hampshire to the east.”

    Customer: “It borders what?”

    Me: “New Hampshire.” *long pause* “New Hampshire is also a state.”

    Customer: “…huh. Never heard of it.”

    The Law Of The South Paw

    | Denmark |

    (I was scanning in the next customer’s items when this occurred.)

    Customer: “You’re doing it wrong.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You’re scanning my things in wrong.”

    Me: “No, it’s done correctly. Every time the item is scanned it says beep.”

    Customer: “But you’re left-handed.”

    Me: “Yes, I am. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I’m right-handed. I don’t want my things scanned in by a lefty! Undo it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t un-scan all your items, and re-scan them with my right hand.”

    Customer: “God, are you a cripple or something?”

    Me: “No, but there are other customers waiting.”

    Customer: “FINE! I’ll pay with a check.”

    (She gets out her checkbook, and starts writing with her left hand. Another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Didn’t she say she was right-handed?”

    (The woman looks up, and then at her left hand.)

    Customer: “Are you stupid? This is right!”

    The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

    | Chandler, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

    Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

    Infinitely Loopy But Happy As A Clam

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you? ”

    Caller: “Just wondering…what’s the soup special today?”

    Me: “Clam chowder, sir. ”

    Caller: “Are there any other soups or stews on?”

    Me: “Not today, sir.”

    Caller: “But do you have any soup or stew on special besides clam chowder today?”

    Me: “Nope, just clam chowder. That’s our only soup special today.”

    Caller: “But what about any other hot liquid foods? Any of those besides clam chowder?”

    Me: “No, sir, just the chowder.”

    Caller: “What’s your name?”

    Me: “Lily, sir.”

    Caller: “Lily, that’s a nice name. I’m Tim. I’m wondering if you have any soups on special today besides clam chowder?”

    Me: “No, Tim, just the chowder.”

    Caller: “Okay, thank you!” *hangs up*

    (Not surprisingly, the phone rings again about a minute later.)

    Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “May I speak to Lily, please?”

    Me: “This is Lily.”

    Caller: “Hi Lily, it’s Tim. Do you have any soups besides clam chowder on special today?”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

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