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    Acting Nutty

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

    Customer: “Is sent?”

    Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

    Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”

    Judging By Their Cover

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m stocking the front-of-store. A couple asks me for help.)

    Wife: “Hi, we’re looking for a gift for a really weird friend of ours. He’s really hard to shop for.”

    Me: “Sure, what sort of thing are you looking for?”

    Husband: “No, he’s really weird. He actually likes to read books.”

    Wife: “Hush, honey. He works in a bookstore. He’s probably weird too.”

    Miles Away From The Answer, Relatively Speaking

    | Champaign, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am filling out a credit application for a couple. We reach the question, ‘nearest living relative’.)

    Customer: *thinking for a few moments* “About 50 miles!”

    Indentured Shoe-vitude

    | North Bay, ON, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I overhear an older married couple.)

    Husband: “What are we doing here?”

    Wife: “What do you see all around you?”

    Husband: “Shoes.”

    Wife: “That’s right.”

    Husband: “Crap.”

    Ignoring The Staff Is Its Own Reward

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (During the Christmas rush, a customer comes into my line talking on her cell phone.)

    Me: “Hello. Would you like a protection plan with this?”

    (Customer ignores me.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    (Customer continues to ignore me.)

    Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt. Have a nice day!”

    (Customer stops talking on her phone and looks at me.)

    Customer: “What about my rewards card?”

    Me: “Well, I asked you if you had one, but you were too busy talking.”

    Customer: “So you’re saying it’s my fault?”

    Me: “Yes.”

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