Killing Two With One Stone

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

(I am making calls to confirm reservations.)

Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [name]?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, he’s not available.”

Me: “Oh, well this is [name] calling from [restaurant]. I am calling to confirm his reservation for 6 pm tomorrow night for two people. Do you know if he will still be needing the reservation?”

Customer: “I don’t think so, sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay. Will you let him know he can call to reschedule for another time? We still have a few openings for the next night.”

Customer: “That won’t be necessary. He died last night and we’re burying him tomorrow. Thank you for checking, though.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. We’re so sorry for your loss, and we’ll go ahead and take care of that cancellation for you.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you! Wait, do you guys cater funerals?”

Catty-log

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Well, you can start by telling me why every page of your catalog has the same thing on it.”

Me: “Well, that’s actually a stack of one-page information fliers for the [product].”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you.”

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

(The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state approved ID.”

Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”

Related:
This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
She Has Trouble Written All Over Her

Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time

| OH, USA | Top

(A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

(I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

(The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”

Flip It, Crush It, Then Reverse It

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [tech support]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return this phone. I don’t use it.”

Me: “Okay. I see you are still under your buyer’s remorse period and–”

Customer: “Yes, take it back.”

Me: “So, you have the original packaging and the receipt?”

Customer: *proudly* “Yes!”

Me: “Great, and is there any damage to the phone?”

Customer: “I ran over it with my car.”

Me: “Well, then. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t take it back.”

Customer: *irate* “But it’s still within the first 30 days!”

Page 1,716/2,639First...1,7141,7151,7161,7171,718...Last