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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Choose Your Battles

    | Lake Creek, TX, USA |

    (Note: I’m about five-seven, one-hundred forty pounds and work at a video game store. My best friend is a foot taller, and about a hundred pounds heavier.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh yeah, I bought this stupid hockey-game, and I wanna return it ’cause I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry sir, but you can’t simply return a game because you didn’t like it.”

    Customer: “Uh… I mean, the game doesn’t work right.”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me that you didn’t like the game, not that it was defective.”

    Customer: *click*

    (Thirty minutes later, I’ve just opened the store and my best friend stops by. The same customer storms in with a game.)

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just called about thirty minutes ago, and some guy said I could get my money back because I didn’t like this game.”

    Me: “Sir, the person you spoke to was me. I’ll tell you now, as I told you then, you can’t get a refund for a game if you don’t like it. Nor can you get an exchange.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m just gonna have to come across the counter and kick your a**, you son of a b****!”

    My friend: “Hey, really quick, could I get your name and if you have any severe allergies to pain-killers?”

    Customer, to my friend: “Who the h*** are you, and what the h*** are you doing?!”

    My friend: “I’m his wrestling and sparring partner, and I’m calling you an ambulance.”

    (The customer leaves, quickly. And yes, my best friend is also my wrestling and sparring partner, for the past 3 years.)

    Chippendales, The Golden Years

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

    Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

    Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ******, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

    Me: “You… cut the cable?”

    Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

    Customer: “Yes”

    Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

    Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

    Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

    Customer: “Yes it is.”

    Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

    Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

    Customer: *line disconnects after 20 seconds of silence*

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | Bar Harbor, ME, USA |

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to Mount Desert Island?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re on Mount Desert Island right now.”

    Customer: “But, can you drive there?”

    Me: “… Yes… remember that bridge you had to cross to get here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay, just head back that way, and when you cross the bridge, make a u-turn and come back.”

    Customer’s husband: *laughs*

    Why It Pays To Be Nice

    | The Netherlands |

    Me: “Good Afternoon, How may i help you?”

    Customer: “I got my order today but you guys have billed something for 12 euro instead of 10 euro.”

    Me: “I see that the calendar has been charged for 12 euro. What should it have been?”

    Customer: “10 euro. The card says you pay 10 euro if its the third item you purchased out of the catalogue.”

    Me: “Ma’am I can only see you purchased one item out of the catalogue. The other item was the special offer we gave on the phone so that is why the calendar cost 12 instead of 10 euro.”

    Customer: “But they told me that i could get it for 10 euro! If I don’t, then cancel my whole subscription!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I unfortunately cannot do anything about this. Those are the rules and they are clearly written on the card, as you can see.”

    Customer: “Okay, fine then. I will pay the d*** bill and you can cancel my subscription!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. I canceled the subscription. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Bye!” *click*

    Manager: “If she had stayed polite to you, we would have changed it for her, you know?”

    Me: “Yeah, I know.”


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