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    Medical Wonders Of The After-Hours

    | New York, USA |

    (I work at a drugstore where the pharmacy closes a few hours sooner than the rest of the store. A customer bursts in holding a script from a doctor’s office, and yells at me from across the store.)

    Customer: “OH, NO! WHEN DOES THE PHARMACY CLOSE?!”

    Me: *glances at clock which reads 8:30pm* “Six. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Oh no. Oh God! What do I do?!”

    Me: “The pharmacy opens at nine in the morning, and closes at six, again. You can come back then and–”

    Customer: “Is there a number I can call?! There has to be, for this sort of thing?”

    Me: “No. I’m sorry. If you just–”

    Customer: “But what does this town do in case of an emergency?!”

    Me: “…we go to the hospital, ma’am.”

    Customer: “The hospital? Thank you!” *leaves still clutching script tightly*

    The Karma Of Capitalism

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Can you…do…this coupon?” *holds out coupon*

    Me: “Yes, our two-for-one special. What flavors would you like?”

    (The customer then dictates two particularly long and complicated orders.)

    Customer: “I don’t like the energy you gave off while making those ice creams. Make them again.”

    Me: “Okay…I’ll try to change my energy, sir.”

    (Later, after I re-did the order.)

    Me: “That would be $3.66, please.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “A two-for-one means you have to pay for one of the two ice creams.”

    Customer: “Pay…? But…free?”

    Me: “You have to pay, yes.”

    Customer: “But I just wanted free ice-cream…”

    Me: “Do you even have any money?”

    Customer: “What the h*** do I need money for? I have a coupon!”

    Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

    Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

    Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

    (I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

    Happy PTLBOTT Day!

    | Pigeon Forge, TN, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant outside a national park. Our busiest season is the fall, when the leaves change.)

    Me: “[Restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, are you outside?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m in an office. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Caller: “Well, do you know when the leaves change out there?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re changing now. They’re very beautiful.”

    Caller: “What?! We missed it!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the leaves aren’t done changing.”

    Caller: “Well, we live in New York and won’t be able to make it there today. What day do they change back?”

    Me: “Um…they don’t change back. They fall, like the season.”

    Caller: “Well, when do you put them back on the tree?”

    Me: *gives up* “Er…’Put The Leaves Back On The Trees’ day?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you!”

    Tasteless And Pointless

    | Norfolk, UK |

    (I’m giving out free samples of Norfolk apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

    Me: “Hello, Madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes please!”

    (The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

    Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

    Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

    Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

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