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    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”

    Customer Service: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, can I get my dogs nails clipped?”

    Me: “Yes, have you been here before?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “OK.” *pulling up info* “It looks like your dog’s rabies certificate expired last month.”

    Customer: “I have the papers at home. I’ll bring it in next time.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, we need the current rabies certificate to do nails.”

    Customer: “So you don’t want to do them?”

    Me: “I can’t do them, sir. It’s our policy.”

    Customer: “I thought that was just for grooming.”

    Me: “No sir, it’s for all services. I can’t–”

    Customer: “Fine, I’m never coming back again!” *storms out*

    Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backwards in the drive-thru. They’re backwards!”

    Backwards customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

    Backwards customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican fast food restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

    Backwards customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! Alice, this is your mom and Aunt Marie!”

    (I happen to be Alice. Family are the worst customers!)

    Like A Robber In A Donut Shop

    | Steinkjer, Norway |

    (This is early December, when most of the companies have their big night out. A visibly drunk patron needs to be asked to leave due to inebriation.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I think you’ve had enough for tonight, and I think it’s best if you call it a night.”

    Customer: “What? I’m not druuunk! You’re ouuut of yoooour mind!”

    (I guide the drunk customer to the door, which he immediately grabs a hold of to resist being led out of the bar.)

    Customer: “I’m not leaving! You’re going to have to call the cops to get me out of here!”

    Me: “Well, sir, if you take a look over at the table with the people looking very intently at us… that’s the police department’s Christmas party.”

    Customer: *leaves, rather expediently*

    A Number 666 With A Side Of Brimstone

    , | Newfoundland, Canada |

    (After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

    Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Come look!”

    (She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Look!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

    Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

    Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

    Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

    Me: “…right.”

    (That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

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