• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Not Taking A Shine To It

    | Riverside, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. That will be $26.50.”

    Customer: “Wait just a minute. That isn’t my stereo.”

    Me: “Actually, it is your stereo. The serial number is right here and it matches.”

    Customer: “This isn’t the stereo I brought in to be fixed. It looks all different. What did you do to it?”

    Me: “We cleaned it.”

    Customer: “Oh…ah…thanks!”

    Feeling The Pinch

    | Fort Fisher, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (I volunteer at an aquarium and often work our touch tank.)

    Visitor: “Oh look! Stingrays!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are horse shoe crabs.”

    Visitor: “How can you tell?”

    Me: *flipping the crab over* “It has claws and feet. Stingrays don’t have feet. Would you like to touch it?”

    Visitor: “No! It will sting me!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure it is safe.”

    Visitor: “I don’t think so! You must just be immune!”

    Visitors 12 Year Old Son: “Mom! It’s in the touch tank!”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3

    | Rhinelander, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (My car had recently been struck by another driver, and his insurance was paying for a rental car for me while my car was in the shop.)

    Clerk: “Does your insurance cover rental cars?”

    Me: “I’m not sure.”

    Clerk: “It would probably say on your insurance card.”

    Me: “It’s out in my car. I’ll run out and get it.”

    (I walk out the door and stare at the parking lot full of rental cars for about five seconds, and turn around to head back inside. The clerk looks at me with an inquisitive expression as I enter.)

    Me: “That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Ever.”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”

    Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”

    Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”

    (The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    Stone Baked Goodness

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    (I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. Will this be for dine in, take out or delivery?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

    Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

    Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “Awesome!”

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