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    They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

    | Medford, OR, USA |

    (An older woman walks up to the electronics desk and addresses me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to buy Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.”

    Me: “Is this a gift for someone?”

    Customer: “Yes, this is for my 4-year-old grandson.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, just to let you know, this game has been rated ‘M’ for Mature, and has a lot of violence, profanity, drug use, and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s okay, he’s already been exposed to all that…”

    Customers Of A Feather Flock Together

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA |

    (While working at the cutting counter of my fabric store, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two older women.)

    Customer #1: “Well, I feel sorry for America. The majority of people are just so d*** ignorant!”

    Customer #2: “Yes, I completely agree with you…”

    (Customer #1 spots some fabric in our clearance section.)

    Customer #1: “Oooh, it’s SHINY!”

    Thank You For Calling Planet Of The Apes

    , | Columbus, OH, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Hey Jon, check this out! The machine says hello back when I say hello!”

    Me: “I’m not a machine, sir.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD, IT’S ADDRESSING ME!”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m not a machine!”

    Customer: “Oh… so you’re one of them human peoples?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am a human peoples.”

    Think Before You Ink

    | Indiana, USA |

    (A customer paying by check tries to use the stylus from the debit machine to fill out her check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s not a real pen.”

    (I reach into my pocket to give her a real one, but she continues “writing” with the stylus.)

    Me: “Ma’am? That’s not a real pen.”

    (She stops and shakes the stylus to get the ink flowing.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t use that to write with.”

    (She continues shaking the stylus and trying to write.)

    Me: “That’s not a pen!”

    Customer: “Hey, this pen doesn’t work!”

    Me: *giving up* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I forgot to put ink in those pens this morning…” hands her the real pen* “…here, use this.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    Wake Me When You’re Smarter

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “My internet is not working.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Are the lights on your modem lit?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Good, is the one labeled ‘online’ blinking?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a light like that, but it does have the time.”

    Me: “The…time?”

    Customer: “Yes, and there’s a button labeled snooze!”

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