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    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bedford, IN, USA |

    (I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

    Me: “Have a great night!”

    Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

    Me: “…”

    (Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

    What A Kilo-Moron

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

    Me: “Well, a small is 6, and a large is 12.”

    (The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”

    Driving Miss Crazy

    | Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Top

    (I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

    Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

    Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

    Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

    Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am – I have to stop at the designated stops.”

    Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

    Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

    Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”

    You No Challenge Tarzan

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    (I often wandered around the store with multiple animals to help socialize them. Most often I would have a rabbit on one shoulder, a parrot on the other and a few hamsters at hand. My boss never cared as long as I did my job and didn’t hurt anyone. I often did get odd looks, though.)

    Me: *walking up to customer* “Finding everything all right?”

    Customer: “…you’re covered in animals.”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

    Customer: *stares for a moment longer* “…can you get me one of the large cages?”

    (I nab a stepladder and get the cage down, managing not to dislodge a single animal on my person.)

    Me: *handing customer the cage* “Here you go.”

    Customer: *looking disappointed* “Oh.” *wanders away*

    Refs -2, Player -4,530,503

    | Coram, NY, USA |

    (I work at an outdoor paintball field where the referees wear bright orange to differentiate ourselves from the players. Standing on the field, I start getting shot at. Patiently, I move and continue watching the game.)

    Player, to coworker: “Ref! Ref! I shot that dude in the orange and he won’t get out!”

    Coworker:¬†”That’s because he’s a referee. Notice the orange?”

    Player:¬†”Oh… okay, so check THIS guy!¬†I just shot him too!”

    Coworker: “That is ALSO a ref.”


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