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    1-900-WAR-PATH

    | Texas, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company]. How may I help you today?”

    Female caller: “I’ve got this charge on my phone bill for almost $200, and I didn’t call that number.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s not a problem. Let me get you phone number and I will pull up your bill.”

    Female caller: *gives phone number*

    Me: “Okay, I see one phone call to [phone number] for a total of close to $200. What I will do is call the number and find out what it is. If they know you, I can not credit you for this; if it is a business number, I also can not credit you for this.”

    Female caller: “Well, nobody in this house called that number. It’s just me and my husband, and we don’t know that number!”

    (I put her on hold and call the number; it turns out to be a phone sex hotline.)

    Me: “Ma’am, thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but that is a business number that charges per minute. They actually added the charge, not ourselves. I can’t credit your account.”

    Female caller: “What the f*** do you mean you can’t?! I demand this off my bill!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but they added this charge–not us. They billed it through us to you for calling them.”

    (At this point, I can hear her husband is in the background yelling and cussing about it too.)

    Female caller: “If you keep saying it’s a business that charged this, what is it?!”

    Me: “Um…’Big Girls…Want Your Love’, ma’am…”

    Female caller: “What in the h***?! Nobody called that–” *both her and her husband suddenly go quiet*

    Me: “…Ma’am?”

    Female caller: “I will deal with this b***s**t myself!” *slams down the phone*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    And You Thought The ED Commercials Were Bad

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Top

    (Note: I’m helping a male customer find an IDE cable for his PC.)

    Me: “…and the cables are right here.”

    Customer: “This is for a full tower case. What’s the longest cable you have?”

    (I measure the largest cable I can find. I think it was 20 inches.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s a bit too short.”

    Me: “Sorry, that’s the longest I have. What sort of length were you looking for? I might be able to order something…”

    Customer: “I need about 22 inches. That’s the story of my life…always two inches too short!”

    Me: *chuckles*

    Customer: *turns bright red and leaves in a hurry*

    Bad Combinations: Sharp Knives And Dull Minds

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “I’d like to return these knives.”

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them at all?”

    Customer: “Well, they were very sharp and my wife cut herself.”

    Me: “Sir, knives are usually sharp. Unfortunately, because you’ve used them there is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “But they were extremely sharp! We were hoping to find a set that wasn’t so…sharp?”

    Me: “So you’re looking for a set of dull knives?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any that are more dull than this?”

    Me: “No…have a nice day!”

    Why Indoor Drive-Ins Never Took Off

    | Michigan, USA |

    (Two older teenagers come up to my booth to buy tickets.)

    Me: “What can I do for you guys today?”

    Customer 1: “One for ‘Up’.”

    Me: “That’ll be $6.50.”

    Customer 2: “Same for me.”

    Me: “Sure, $6.50.”

    Customer 1: “Those school buses parked outside, they’re not seeing this movie, are they?”

    Me: “No, sir. They’re on a school field trip to see Night at the Museum 2.”

    Customer 2: “I don’t think they have seats big enough, anyways.”

    Customer 1: “Big enough for what?”

    Customer 2: “School buses.”

    Double Your Solar, Double Your Fun

    | Norway | Top

    (I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)

    Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”

    Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”

    Me: “Er…the sun?”

    Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”

    Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”

    Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*

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