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    In The Twilight Of Their Youth

    | Perth, Australia | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I’m serving a family at the box office. The wife keeps looking nervously at the Vampires Suck poster we have on display.)

    Me: “You’ll be in Cinema 6 for Tomorrow. Enjoy your movie guys!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, I just have one question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Wife: *leans in close* “Are people actually watching Vampires Suck?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s very popular with young teenagers and has sold out a few times.”

    Wife: “But… but… it’s insulting Twilight!”

    Me: “I know, I saw it too.”

    (The husband quickly grabs his wife by the arm before she can say anything else.)

    ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

    | Vermont, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

    Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

    Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

    In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

    Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

    Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [book]. Could you help me?”

    (The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

    Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

    Me: “No, I’m looking for History.”

    Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

    Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that, I was looking for [book].”

    (The employee laughs and takes me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation thankfully in English.)

    The Spice Girls Have A Lot To Answer For

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

    Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

    Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

    Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

    Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

    Customer: *looking disappointed* “But…but…what about girl power?”

    Tangled Web

    | The Netherlands | Technology, Uncategorized

    (I used to work at a call center that sells PC remote control software.)

    Me: “Good evening, you’re speaking with [name], from [company], would you be interested in our software?”

    (I explain what the software is about, it’s monthly fee and what its requirements are, which is basically internet.)

    Caller: “Yes, I’ll take one for two years.”

    Me: “So you’ve got all the requirements, even internet?”

    Caller: “I’ve got internet, I just take the cable out of the phone and stick it in my computer, right?”

    Me: “Sir, do you have some kind of modem or router?”

    Caller: “No, but I’ve got my phone cable. That’s how internet gets in, right?”

    Me: “Sir, since the program is not going to work unless you have internet, I’m not going to sell you a two year prescription.”

    Caller: “But I want it!”

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