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    Childlike, But Not So Innocent

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

    Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

    Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

    Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

    Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

    Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

    Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

    Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

    Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

    2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

    | Norwood, MA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

    Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

    Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

    Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand”

    Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    The Lesser Of Two Buttocks

    | Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA |

    Caller: “I’m finding out that hamsters like to move around a lot. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem with the hamsters?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t like it when they move suddenly. It scares me. And I don’t like their rears.”

    Me: “Their…rears?”

    Customer: “Yes, their rears! I don’t like it when they don’t face me. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “Well, we have tarantulas… they mostly just sit there and move slowly and rarely.”

    Caller: “What’s a tarantula?”

    Me: “It’s kind of a big hairy spider.”

    (Suddenly, it sounds as if the phone has hit the ground. A few moments later…)

    Customer: “I think I’ll stick with hamsters.”

    Microsoft Works – Part 2

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Customer: “My computer keeps stopping.”

    Me: “Stopping?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah. I click on things and nothing happens.”

    Me: “Have you rebooted the machine?”

    Customer: “No. Actually, I’ve got a lot of websites open. Do you think I’ve run out of Windows?”

    Laptop Flop

    | Oklahoma, USA |

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to purchase a laptop but want to customize it a little bit.”

    Me: “Okay, great I can help you with that!” (I pulled up her account, pull up the laptop that she wants to customize.)

    Customer: “Okay, I want 3gb of memory, 160gb hard-drive, oh and also, can you please move the ‘delete’ key next to the space bar? I hate having to go to the top of the keyboard to press that.”

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