July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

| Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

(For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

A Slippery Slimy Slope

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I cashier at a food booth for a festival every year. One year, a customer comes up to order with a large stuffed animal of a blue clown fish sticking out of his jean pocket. He pulls the fish out of his pocket and points it at me.)

Customer: “Would you like to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no. Thank you.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(At the moment, my little sister is sitting next to me doing some work. He then points to my sister, who isn’t paying attention.)

Customer: “Does she want to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no, she definitely doesn’t.”

Customer: “Haha, okay.”

(He takes his food and leaves.)

In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

, | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

Having Funion With Food

, | York County, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

Customer: *mumbles*

(I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

Customer: *repeats veggie order*

(I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

Customer: “It’s just…I don’t like onions.”

Me: “It’s really okay.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”

You Need The Male Order Catalogue

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a retail store as a tech person. We also work the sales floor. A lady walks in and and I go over to help her.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you look for anything?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a husband.”

Me: “What does he look like?”

Customer: “No, I’m looking for a husband!”

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