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    Can’t See The Forest For Los Arboles

    | Arizona, USA | Top

    Me: “Gracias por llamar a [company name], en que le puedo asistir hoy?”

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, your call came in through the Spanish line. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “I speak English ma’am, You must have pressed the Spanish option through the automated system, but I will be more than happy to help you.”

    Caller: “What was that you were speaking before?”

    Me: “Spanish.”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I speak English as well. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *slowly* “I want to talk to somebody in the United
    States who speaks English!”

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company name], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    It’s Either Bob Barker Blue Or Drew Carey Blue

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cosmetics], this is ***, how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for a nail polish.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?

    Caller: “Did you watch The Price is Right the other day?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Caller: “They had this blue car on there, and I want that color for my nail polish.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see it. Could you tell me what type of blue this was? Perhaps a medium or bright blue?”

    Caller: “It was a car blue.”

    Me: “I see. I’m not sure what that means, so I can’t really help you. You could always come in and look around.”

    Caller: “Well, how many blues do you have? I don’t want to waste my time!”

    Me: “We have many different choices, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Right, but I want the blue from The Price Is Right!”

    We Want Your Braaaiiins

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (A subject is speaking with me about a sleep-study we were doing.)

    Subject: “So I’ll just have to go to sleep for the study, right?”

    Me:: “That’s correct. We’re just using those scanning machines to test brain function during REM sleep.”

    Subject: *suddenly fearful* “You expect me to sleep with those machines cutting into my brain?!”

    Mother Knows Best

    | Montreal, QC, Canada |

    (I witnessed this exchange between a mother and daughter shopping together. Note that the help desk was located between aisles 79 & 80 of the store. The mother was running up and down the store, looking down the aisles, but not walking in them. She finally stops and stands on the opposite side of the help desk from where I’m standing.)

    Daughter: “Well? Did you find it?”

    Mother: “No! That boy lied to us! He said its in aisle 79, but I’ve looked EVERYWHERE and there’s no aisle 79 in this whole store!”

    Daughter: (Looks to the left of the help desk.) “Mom? It’s… its right behind you.”

    Mother: “What are you talking about? This isn’t aisle 79!”

    Daughter: “Yes, it is. See there? No, mom, up there!” *points* “It says 79.”

    (Mother glances at the aisle number, then glances down the aisle without walking in it.)

    Mother: “Well, what we’re looking for isn’t down there! I’m sure of that!”

    One Should Learn From Mistakes So That They Are Not Receipted

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    Me: “Alright, here you go. Have a nice day!”

    (About 20 minutes later, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “I bought the wrong figure! I need to make an exchange!”

    Me: “All refunds and exchanges are done at Customer Service. Good thing I held on to your receipt!”

    (I hand him his receipt and he went to Customer Service. He gets his refund, then comes back to my register with a different toy.)

    Customer: “Alright, this was what I wanted to buy! Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    (This time, I put his receipt in the bag without saying a word.)

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