Birthday Cele-Berations

| Elkhart, IN, USA | Politics, Uncategorized

Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

Her Phone’s Not Much To Look At

| London, UK | Family & Kids, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that Ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”

Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”

Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”

Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”

Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”

Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks, you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*

Eating Disorderly

| Wiltshire, UK | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(A customer has just purchased some tickets and they’ve just been given their tickets.)

Customer: “Oh, before I go…if I eat my ticket, can you replace it?”

Me: “Uh, eat…your ticket?”

Customer: “Yes, I eat things, I can’t help myself.”

Me: “If you eat your ticket, then keep your receipt and we’ll be happy to replace your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, okay thanks!”

(The customer walks away and then pauses and comes back to the ticket desk.)

Customer: “What if I eat my receipt and my ticket?”

Me: “Please don’t.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks!”

Not Quite Catching On

Chester, NY, USA | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(This was back when the movie "Catch Me If You Can" came out. The movie poster has two large blue arrows pointing in different directions.  A man buys a ticket and goes down the hallway to the theater. We see him again, walking the other way and looking angry. Finally, he comes up to the counter.)

Me: "May I help you, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, where are you showing this movie?" *waves
the ticket in my face*

Me: "Just down that hallway, sir…the second door."

Customer: "Don’t give me that! I followed the arrows on the poster, and they led me to the bathroom and then a closet!"

Mall Brats

| Netherlands | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two "bad guys" who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

Me: “I really live here!”

Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

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