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    Her Banking Days Are Numbered

    | OH, USA |

    Caller: “Why does the automated system say it can’t find my card!? I’ve been complaining about this for months now, and I’m really disappointed it isn’t fixed!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that. Let me see what I can find. Can I have your card number, please?”

    (The caller reads off 12 numbers.)

    Me: “And the last 4?”

    Caller: “Oh! You need all 16? Do you suppose that’s why it couldn’t find my account?”

    Pay Up, Shot Down

    | Kildare, Ireland |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s purchase and his total is €1.69.)

    Me: “Ok, that’ll be one sixty-nine please.”

    Customer: *giggles* “That’s what she said.”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “You wish.”

    Stranger In A Sweet Land

    | FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for this movie. It was a funny movie and it is fairly new.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me who is in it?”

    Customer: “That fat guy from Superbad?”

    Me: “Is it this movie?” *I pick up ‘Get him to the Greek’*

    Customer: “Yeah! Thanks! Have a piece of candy.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I put the candy in my pocket, and walk to the counter to ring him up.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “You have a nice smile. You know what you win?”

    Me: “No. What do I win?”

    Customer: “A better piece of candy!”

    (He hands me another piece of candy and walks out swinging his bag.)

    Manager, to me: “Don’t eat that candy. It’s stranger candy.”

    Apparently Bad Parenting

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (I walk into the kitchen and see a toddler reaching for a knife, blade first. I run and grab him before he gets it. He cries, but I let him play with my necklace while I take him back out to his mother, who is attached to her cell phone.)

    Mother: “Oh my God!”

    (I hand him to her.)

    Me: “Don’t worry Ma’am he’s fine, I just–”

    Mother: “I’m calling the cops! You tried to kidnap my son!”

    Me: “You’ve got to be kidding.”

    Mother: “I saw you! You had my son!”

    Me: “Yes, I found him in the kitchen.”

    Mother: “You took him in there!”

    Me: “Why would I do that?”

    Mother: “Cause you want to be a mother so bad that you had to take my sweet boy!”

    Me: “If I took him, why would I bring him back?”

    Mother: “Stop distracting me!”

    (She begins to dial 911. Another customer walks up. I recognize him.)

    Officer: “Ma’am, hang up your phone. I’m a cop.”

    (He shows his badge.)

    Mother: “Arrest her!”

    Officer: “Ma’am, I watched your son walk into the kitchen on his own accord. If anyone is getting arrested, it’s you for endangering the welfare of a child.”

    (Opposite Se)X-Men

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (A little boy comes through my line holding a Wolverine figure. I scan it first and give it back to him before his parents groceries.)

    Me: “So is Wolverine your favorite?”

    Boy: *looks at me confused*

    Me: “More then Beast or Nightcrawler?”

    Boy: *tilts his head, more puzzled*

    Me: “Rogue’s always been my favorite.”

    Boy: “Bu-But, you’re old. And a girl!”

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