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    It’s A Fashion Emergency

    | Virginia, USA |

    Me: “Apartment maintenance line, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I put too many clothes on the clothes hanger rack in my closet and it fell down.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get your information and I’ll send a maintenance tech over. What’s your apartment number?”

    Caller: *gives number* “When is he coming over?”

    Me: “Looks like it will be about an hour, maybe a little less.”

    Caller: “But this is an emergency! My clothes are all over the floor!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’ll be there within an hour to install a better rack for you. It shouldn’t take long for him to do that. Could you provide me with your apartment number?”

    Caller: “Where am I supposed to put my clothes? This is an emergency! I’m calling someone else!” *hangs up*

    The Answer May Shock You

    | Roswell, GA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pool supply store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I think I may have a problem with my pool.”

    Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I reached into my skimmer this morning to clean it, and I got shocked so bad that I got thrown against the fence. So I went around to the other side and that skimmer shocked me too! What do you think is wrong?”

    Me: “Sounds like there is a short in your electrical equipment. You should shut down all power to the pool and call an electrician right away.”

    Customer: “So is it safe to swim?”

    Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “How long is your wait right now?”

    Me: “There is no wait at the moment.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “That you don’t have to wait for a table.”

    Caller: “But how long is the wait?”

    Me: “There is none. You will be seated right away.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me!”

    Death Goes Shopping

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (We are having a big sale on lobsters and I’m standing behind an open case of them.)

    Customer: “Are these alive?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they’re all alive.”

    (The customer picks one up that is moving and violently shakes it.)

    Customer: “This one isn’t!”

    Me: “That’s because you just killed it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of that!” *violently throws the lobster back into the case and storms off*

    Truth In Advertising

    | Bloomingdale, IL, USA |

    (A customer brings up four panties with a free pair of panties coupon.)

    Me: “If you grab one more pair of panties, you can get the five for $25 promotion.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to.”

    Me: “Well, with the coupon and the promotion you will be saving money.”

    Customer: “Why are you forcing me to buy more?! I want these panties only!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you are paying $24.50 right now for only four panties. When you purchase a fifth one, you will actually save money.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to! You can’t make me buy another one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please…I am not trying to make you pay more. I am trying to save you money!”

    Customer: “You…want to save me…money?

    (The customer reluctantly grabs one more pair of panties and I ring it up.)

    Me: “Now, your total is $21.52.”

    Customer: “You actually did want to save me money! *whispers* “I’m kind of slow…”

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