Do Unto Others

, | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

(The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

Not For The Faint Of Puke

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(We often get calls asking about our various prank items.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [magic shop]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have fake barf?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What kind do you need?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘What kind?'”

Me: “We carry regular, extra large, super chunky, and pet puke.”

Customer: “That’s disgusting!”

Me: “You asked.”

More Than One Chimp By The Name Of George

| Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working putting items on a display rack and a customer comes up to me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you know George?”

(I am thinking she is asking if someone named George works here.)

Me: “George who?”

Customer: “You know, the George.”

Me: “George? George Bush, George Foreman? George…who?”

Customer: “You know the George.”

(At this point, the customer puts her hands up to her arm pits and starts acting like a monkey.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Do you mean Curious George?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, The Curious George…do you have him?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry we don’t have any Curious Georges.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you!”

Unnatural Selection

| New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A woman is purchasing a long fish called a dojo loach.)

Customer: “Now, will I need to fill the tank halfway and add some sand for it to crawl onto?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s a fish.”

Customer: *stares in confused silence*

Me: “Fish don’t need to crawl onto land to breathe.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It will be fine in a full aquarium.”

Customer: “You’d better be right!” *leaves looking dissatisfied*

From Facebook To Selling Books

| London, UK | Books & Reading

(I have been working at this bookstore for nearly 2 years.)

Customer: “You work here now.”

Me: *puzzled* “Yes.”

Customer: “So, you no longer work on the Facebook?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re Mark Zuckwhatever, right?”

Me: “Mark Zuckerberg? No, that’s not me.”

Customer: “It’s okay, your identity is safe with me!” *walks
alway*

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