Pressing All The Wrong Buttons

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [call center]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I need to know what program is on what channel.”

Me: “The easiest way to find it would be to use the search from your menu.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, press your menu button. Do you see the search option?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Press ‘OK’ on search, and type in the show you are looking for.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you do that for me?”

Me: “No, sir. I have no way to push the button over the phone for you.”

Customer: “Well, I pay you guys enough money that you should press it for me!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we don’t have the capability to reach through the phone and press the button for you.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Apparently Bad Parenting, Part 2

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to pick up my daughter. She’s in the eighth grade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The eighth graders are testing right now and they’ve only been testing for about forty five minutes. I don’t think she’s done.”

Customer: “But we have a plane to catch!”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you just not send her to school? I mean, what time is your flight?”

Customer: “8:45!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was thirty minutes ago. I don’t think you’re making it anyways.”

Customer: “But it’s central time zone!”

Me: “We’re in the central time zone, ma’am.”

Customer: “Don’t correct me! I don’t care if she fails. I just don’t want to lose my dignity!”

Related:
Apparently Bad Parenting

Salad Of The Dead

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(Two customers are having a conversation as they order.)

Customer #1: “I have a whole bunch of studying for school this weekend. I have a test in one class, and I have to memorize the Greek alphabet for my sorority.”

Customer #2: “Wait, you have to memorize the Greek alphabet? That’s, like, so stupid. What use are you going to have memorizing the alphabet to a dead language? Or wait, is it dead? Or do some people still speak it?

Customer #1: “No, it’s dead. Or, maybe they still speak it in Greece. I think.”

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Greek salad!”

Deal With The Burning Issue First, Part 2

| Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

(I work at directory inquiries.)

Me: “Which name, please?”

Caller: “I’d like the number for the local fire station.”

Me: “Searching for you now.”

Caller: “Can you hurry up? My kitchen’s on fire.”

Me: “Sir, hang up right now and then dial emergency services!”

Caller: “Hold on.” *he’s away for over a minute* “Right, I’ve got a pen and paper now. What was the number?”

Related:
Deal With The Burning Issue First

Don’t Be A Data Hater, Part 2

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, it’s James from [internet company]. Do you have a few moments to discuss a few of our products?”

Customer: “I’ll never go with [internet company].”

Me: ” I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?”

Customer: “Someone I hate works for you.”

Me: ” Well, depending on who they are, they may have nothing to do with your service.”

Customer: “I don’t care how they’re involved. I hate them!”

Related:
Don’t Be A Data Hater

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