• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Bad Parenting Is A Sticky Fingered Subject

    | San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop, where people get their own yogurt and toppings then pay by weight.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, you should be supervising this store. These kids are putting their fingers in the toppings. It’s not clean!”

    (I look around for a parent, but there seems to be nobody else of suitable age in the shop.)

    Me: “Are these your children?”

    Customer: “Yes, but you should be supervising them! It’s your job!”

    Not The Cream Of The Crop

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for calling [credit card company], how can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I bought my crops on Farmville using your card. I forgot to water them and they’ve all died. Am I covered on purchase protection for that?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Caller: “I thought you’d be like that. Thanks anyway.” *click*

    Explanations As Clear As Water

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pool Store], how may I help?”

    Caller: “How much would a new pump be for my pool?”

    Me: “Have you got an in-ground or an above-ground?”

    Caller: *long pause* “I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know?”

    Caller: “No! How could I?”

    Me: “Alright. Go into your back yard, and run at the pool. If you fall in, it’s probably an in-ground. If you bounce off, it’s an above-ground.”

    Zombies Need Healthcare Too

    | South Bend, IN, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

    (I am on the phone.)

    Me: “Dermatology, how may I help you?”

    Patient: “Hi, I just had an autopsy done. I’d like to know my results.”

    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    A Picture Perfect Resolution

    | Lakewood, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I came in a couple hours ago to pick up my pictures, and my wife says we’re 17 pictures short! This always happens when we come here! Is it really so hard to keep track of one f***ing order?”

    (The customer continues to rant for several minutes, getting louder and more obscene. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I was in there an hour and a half ago and the dumb*** in front of me left 17 pictures on the counter that I accidentally took home with my pictures. What kind of moron leaves pictures on the counter?”

    (I hand the phone to the irate customer.)

    Me: “It’s for you.”

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