November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not So Crazy About Tim And Daisy

| Helsinki, Finland | Uncategorized

(We sell DVDs as well as books. A customer has taken interest in the complete ‘Spaced’ DVD box. As it is one of my favorite shows, I offer to help.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you? That’s an excellent show, by the way.”

Customer: “Yeah? What is it about?”

Me: “It’s a British rom-com with some geeky humor. The cast and the crew describe it as a labor of love, since they had such a small budget. You can really tell they enjoyed making it.”

Customer: “I don’t want it if it’s made with love!”

(The customer puts the box away with a look of disgust and leaves in a huff.)

Moronnium Falcon

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to get a falcon. How would I do that?”

Me: “Well, falcons are wild animals and can be very dangerous. If you want to get into falconry, you have to do a lot of research. I’m pretty sure you’d need a license to own a bird like that.”

Customer: “Well, those are easy to get, right?”

Me: “Well, no.”

Customer: *points to parrot cage* “That’d be big enough for a falcon, right?”

Me: “No, you’d need something much bigger.”

Customer: “Oh, and I wouldn’t really need one of those gloves, right? I can just wear my sweater and the claws won’t go through.”

Me: “Certainly not! There’s a reason those gloves are made of thick leather! Without one, you’d be badly hurt!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, do you guys sell falcons here?”

Me: “No, we don’t. Why do you want a falcon, anyway?”

Customer: “I want to support my favorite football team! I figure having a pet falcon would be a great tribute!”

Anything You Order I Order Better

, | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “I’d like a house salad with fried chicken. That’s with ranch dressing.”

Me: “Okay then.” *turns to customer 2* “And for you?”

Customer #2: “I want the exact same thing!”

Me: “Okay, two fried house salads.”

Customer #2: “Oh! I wanted mine with grilled chicken.”

Me: “Okay. So one grilled house and one fried house, both with ranch.”

Customer #2: “No. I want blue cheese dressing.”

Me: “Okay, so a fried house with ranch, and a grilled house with blue cheese. Is that all?”

Customer #2: “Yup!”

Me: “Alright, your total is going to be–”

Customer #2: “Oh! No cheese! I don’t like cheese.”

(I’ve already sent the order to the kitchen. I excuse myself to go let them know. I come back and take their money.)

Customer #2, to customer #1: “Isn’t it so much easier when we order the exact same thing?”

Nothing As Dangerous As A Woman Porned

| Inland Empire, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has just finished checking out two adult movies.)

Coworker: “Have a good evening, sir!”

Customer: *whirls back after taking a few steps* “Oh crap!”

(He rushes back to the counter before the next customer can come up.)

Coworker: “Did you forget something, sir?”

Customer: *trying to speak quietly* “I shouldn’t have used my card! Can you reverse it? I have cash! I can pay with cash!”

(I notice the situation. I come over to help.)

Me: “Sir, if it’s a problem I’d be happy to refund the charge back to your card.”

Customer: “My wife is going to see it online! She’s going to kill me!”

(He seems to be starting to panic.)

Customer: “Yeah, you have to reverse it!”

Me: “I see. Well, unfortunately, even if I do that the charge and the refund will both still appear on your bank statement, but–”

Customer: *interrupting* “No good! I have to get to the bank right now! I have to stop them!”

(He rushes out the door. He forgets the movies and has to run back in for them.)

Me: “Sir, it’s alright, the–”

Customer: “I have to stop the bank!”

(He almost trips up running out again. He didn’t give me time to explain that his bank statement will only show our store name; not the titles he rented.)

From Bat To Worse

| KY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have that new Dracula movie?”

Me:Bram Stoker’s Dracula? We sure do.”

Customer: “I love all of that guy’s movies.”

Me: “A Coppola fan?”

Customer: “No, Bram Stoker. I love everything he’s been in.”