Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Go Easy On The Brain
    (1,923 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    That’s The Way The Keyboard Crumbles

    | Anaheim, CA, USA |

    Customer, over the phone: “Hi, could you check out my computer? I think something is wrong with the keyboard.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have any idea what it might be?”

    Customer: “No, I just know that it has to be the keyboard. Everything else seems fine.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be over later.”

    (I drive to the woman’s house. She lets me in and shows me her desk.)

    Me: “Well, first off, your space bar is upside-down.”

    Customer: “I‚Ķuh‚Ķwasn’t gonna tell you that. Didn’t know if it’d be important.”

    (I remove the upside-down space bar.)

    Me: “Your keyboard is full of crumbs. Have you been eating over it?”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t gonna tell you that either.”

    (I grab a can of air and blow the crumbs out.)

    Me: “That‚Äôs weird, they’re not coming out. It’s sticky inside. Did you recently spill soda into this?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t gonna tell you all of this. I thought you’d get mad and not come.”

    Me: “Listen, there’s really nothing I can do. I’m sorry, you’ll need a whole new keyboard.”

    Customer: “See! I told you you’d just up and leave if I told you!”

    Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

    Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

    Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

    Related:
    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

    Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

    Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

    Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

    Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

    Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

    Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

    Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

    Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

    Customer: “No, she’s one.”

    Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

    Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

    Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

    Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

    (I go and get my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

    Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

    Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

    Intentions As Clear As Glass

    | Michigan, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the cash register holding her bill in one hand and a half-full glass of soda in the other. She sets the bill on the counter and hands me the glass.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am. Did your waitress forget to bring you a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I’m all finished, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just take this back to the dish-room to have it washed.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just empty it and bring it back up here?”

    Me: “You mean empty it into a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “No, just dump the soda out and bring me the empty glass.”

    Me: “What are you going to do with an empty glass?”

    Customer: “Shove it in my purse and haul my a** out of here!”

    Page 1,703/2,191First...1,7011,7021,7031,7041,705...Last