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    Laptop Flop

    | Oklahoma, USA |

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to purchase a laptop but want to customize it a little bit.”

    Me: “Okay, great I can help you with that!” (I pulled up her account, pull up the laptop that she wants to customize.)

    Customer: “Okay, I want 3gb of memory, 160gb hard-drive, oh and also, can you please move the ‘delete’ key next to the space bar? I hate having to go to the top of the keyboard to press that.”

    Appointment With Stupidity

    | Sandy, UT, USA |

    Me: “Service Center, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to make an appointment to get my oil changed.”

    Me: “Oh alright. Well, just so you know, you can come in whenever you are available during the week.”

    Customer: “So, Monday through Friday?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “So, wait…we don‚Äôt need an appointment?”

    Me: “Nope, just come right in!”

    Customer: “So, what your saying is we don‚Äôt need an appointment?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I dunno about that.”

    Me: “About what?”

    Customer: “Not having an appointment.”

    Me: “Well, do you want me to put you down for an appointment?”

    Customer: “You just said I didn‚Äôt need one!”

    Me: “Well, so you’re not so confused, I can put you in whatever slot you want.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll just go somewhere else!”

    Not Thinking Outside The Box

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Caller: “I have a wireless printer, and it won’t install. It says print out of the box. What do I need to do?”

    Me: “Have you installed the printer onto you network?”

    Caller: “Well, it says print right out of the box so I thought that meant leave it in the box.”

    Light Food For Light Thinkers

    | Lancaster, OH, USA | Top

    (My table has just ordered our unlimited soup and salad.)

    Me: “Ok, I’ll go ahead a put this in for you and be right back with your salad and bread.”

    Customer: “So where is y’alls salad bar?”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: *speaking slowly* “The sal-ad ba-ar. Where is it?”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have a salad bar sir, I bring it to your table.”

    Customer: “You bring the salad bar to the table?.”

    Me: “No sir, I bring out a bowl of salad for everyone at the table to share.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not endless?”

    Me: “Yes, it still is endless, I bring out as much salad as you want.”

    Customer: “How you gonna know how much I want?”

    Me: “I bring out as many bowls as you tell be to bring.”

    Customer: “Well how am I supposed to know how many to tell you when I don’t even know how much is in one?”

    Me: “After I bring out the first bowl, you can tell me if you’d like some more.”

    Customer: “But I want all my salad now!”

    Me: “We don’t bring out all the salad at once so you get the freshest product possible.”

    Customer: “But I want it now.”

    Me: “Well as soon as I go back to the kitchen, I can bring it out for you.”

    Customer: “But I want it now!”

    Me: “So I’ll go and get it for you.”

    (As I finally walk away, I hear him say to this to his wife, “So, where’s my salad?”)

    Divas Balk But Money Talks

    | Oakland, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [nail salon]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, we had an appointment for four mani/pedis.”

    Me: “Okay, can I get your name? And how old are these three?”

    Customer: “Why do you need to know how old they are?”

    Me: “If they’re under 12, they get Princess mani/pedis which are ten dollars less.”

    Customer: “No. I want them to have real mani/pedis.”

    (I try to explain twice more that there is no difference besides the price. She starts to yell, causing a scene and bothering other customers.)

    Customer: “You’re trying to give them bad service! I want them to have good nails!”

    Me: “I understand, and they will. Princess treatments are only less because their nails are smaller so they don’t take as–”

    Customer: “I want them to have REAL mani/pedis! You’re trying to give them half-a**ed service!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the only difference is the price. Do you want to pay $156 or $129?”

    Customer: “…Well in that case, yes. They’re all under 12.”

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