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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    | Outer Banks, NC, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

    (It is a slow night and I am working with a co-worker when a guy walks in.)

    Co-Worker: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have a room for tonight?”

    Co-Worker: “Just tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Co-Worker: “How many in your party?”

    Customer: “Just one.”

    Co-Worker: “Do you have a smoking preference?”

    Customer: “Weed?”

    Me: *just hearing the last part of the conversation* “What?”

    Co-Worker: “We’re keeping him.”

    Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

    Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

    Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

    Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

    Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

    Related:
    Logic That Doesn’t Hold Water

    Fruity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (I work front desk and am checking in a new patient. Note that I am a lesbian, wearing a clearly visible pentagram necklace, and am in a 5 year relationship.)

    Me: “Good morning! Go ahead and sign in and I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”

    Patient: “Your eyes are gorgeous!”

    Me: “Thanks. Have a seat while I look through your paperwork.”

    Patient: *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “Your eyes are really just so beautiful. I can see the power of God in you. You are truly an angel, do you know that?”

    Me: “I…get that a lot?”

    Patient: “Are you single?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “Are you sure? Is it serious?”

    Me: “Yeah, pretty serious.”

    Patient: “Oh, but you’ll just love my son. You have to meet him as soon as he gets back from his Mormon mission!”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Patient: “Are you sure you can’t consider breaking up with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “I really don’t think she’d take that well.”

    Patient: “What?”

    Me: “I said I really don’t think I’m allowed to date patients or their family members.”

    Patient: “Oh…but do think about it. Your eyes are really just so pure! He’d really be perfect for you!”

    (She called several weeks later to say she’d been committed to a mental hospital.)

    Sadly, There Is No Cure For Rudeness

    | North Battleford, SK, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)

    Customer: "What’s wrong with you?"

    Me: "I beg your pardon?"

    Customer: "Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?"

    Me: "Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful."

    Customer: "Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?"

    Me: "Well, you probably already have it."

    Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*

    Take It Away, Uncle Sam

    | New Zealand | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (Fast food places are often referred to as takeaway stores in New Zealand.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [fast food]. May I take your order?”

    Customer: “So, what is a tar… key… ah… way…?”

    Me: “Um, takeaways. As in food you can take away.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it a Maori word?”

    Me: “No sir. It’s an English word. May I ask, are you from out of New Zealand?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m from America, but you’re lying about takeaways being an English word. I’ve been to Canada and they don’t use it there!”

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