Give Me Whatever Moos, Part 2

, | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

(I’m working the drive thru. We only have 2 kinds of chicken sandwiches: grilled and crispy.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like an original chicken sandwich, please.”

Me: “The grilled chicken or the crispy chicken?”

Customer: “The original chicken sandwich.”

Me: “I’m sorry, grilled or crispy chicken?”

(The customer starts listing his toppings.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I need to know if it’s grilled chicken or crispy chicken.”

Customer: “No, the original chicken. The burger. We are talking about beef, right?”

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Give Me Whatever Moos

Give Me Whatever Moos

| TVM, Kerala, India | Food & Drink

(Note: most of our customers on our home-delivery call number are tourists, foreigners, or upper-class residents who speak in English.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today? Would you like to hear about our specials?”

Customer: “Um, let me think. No?”

Me: “That’s quite fine. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “One stir-fried peas and three butter pattora please.”

Me: “Okay, one order of stir-fried peas and three butter parrota. Can I have–”

Customer: Not peas. It’s stir-fried peas.”

Me: “That is one stir-fried peas, right?”

Customer: “No! It’s PEAS! PEA-SEF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m hearing stir-fried peas: P as in potato, E as in eclairs, A as in apple, and S as in suga–”

Customer: “No! No! Moooo!”

Me: “What’s that, ma’am? I didn’t hear you.”

Customer: “MOO! MOOOO!”

Me: “Oh! You mean beef. Sorry about that, ma’am. So, one order of stir-fried beef and three butter parrota. Are we good?”

Customer: “Ha! yes! Stir-fried pea-sef! *gives address*

Me: “Alrighty, we’ll have it delivered in 15-minutes. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “MOO! I will!” *click*

Fried Brain Fried Cakes

| Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in the kosher deli section of a supermarket.)

Customer: “I need ten potato pancakes, please.”

(There are only four potato pancakes in the display case. I check the cooler, but there are no more in there.)

Me: “Please excuse me, ma’am, but we only have four potato pancakes right now. I’m going to call my manager to see if we have any more in the back.”

(I call my manager. Unfortunately, the four potato pancakes in my case are the only ones in the store. We are all out. I relay this fact to the customer.)

Customer: “Could you please make some more? We have company coming over later and I need at least ten potato pancakes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t make the potato pancakes here. We buy them pre-made from another company and we don’t have any more in stock right now.”

Customer: “But can’t you just go in the back and make some more?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. As I said, we don’t make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company.”

Customer: “I understand that, but can’t you just make more?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot. We buy them pre-made. We don’t make them here.”

Customer: “Yeah, I get that, but why won’t you just make more?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not make them here. We buy them pre-made from another company. I don’t have a kitchen in the back because there is no in-back for this section, and even if there was, I don’t have the ingredients.”

Customer: “Yes, I know, but why won’t you make more of them?”

(At this point, the customer’s husband walks up.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “He’ll only sell me those four pancakes in the case. He won’t make any more!”

Husband: “Why won’t you make any more?”

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry, but as I explained to your wife, we do not make the potato pancakes here in the store. We buy them pre-made from another company. We’re actually not allowed to cook any hot food in this section, as it would be a health code violation.”

Customer: “I know that, but why won’t you make more?”

(The customer’s husband looks at her like she’s crazy.)

Husband: “Honey, they buy the potato pancakes already made from somewhere else. They don’t cook them here.”

Customer: “I know that! Why won’t they make more?!”

Husband: “Honey, shut up.” *turns to me* “I’m very sorry. Can we just have the four potato pancakes in the display?”

Me: “Sure thing, sir.”

Chivalry: No Girl Parts Required

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(My coworker is caught slacking off while retrieving baskets from the parking lot. After being yelled at for a couple of minutes by a fairly new manager, he walks off and an old lady confronts the manager.)

Customer: “Sir, I don’t like the way you spoke to that employee!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that employee was slacking off and–”

Customer: “That is no way to talk to a young woman!”

Manager: *chuckling* “Ma’am, that is one of our male employees.”

Customer: “Still, that is no way to talk to her!”

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, Or The Next Day

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(It is Monday afternoon and the customer on the phone needs their shipment in a hurry.)

Me: “Since it’s late in the day, shipping will resume tomorrow. Would you like next day or second day shipping?”

Caller: “Next day. I’ll get that tomorrow, right?”

Me: “No, we can ship tomorrow, Tuesday, and you’ll have it on Wednesday.”

Caller: “What about second day?”

Me: “Shipping it tomorrow via second day will get it to you on Thursday.”

Caller. “Wait. Next day is tomorrow. Tomorrow in the next day. Wednesday is two days from now. Why are telling me that next day is really two days from now?”

Me: “Because we will not be shipping until tomorrow. All shipments for today have already left.”

Caller: “Since I can’t get it until Wednesday, just ship it second day. Why pay all that extra money when they will both arrive on the same day?”

Me: “Sir, second day won’t arrive Wednesday.”

Caller: “Yes it will. I’m good at math and I can add! Goodbye!”

(I made a great many notes in his account for whatever poor agent gets him on the phone when his package does not arrive on Wednesday.)

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