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    I Shall Call Them…Mini-Mes

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Customer: *whispers* “Could I have six…no, make that eight ladybugs please?”

    Me: “You only need eight ladybugs? Or eight boxes? We sell them in boxes of one hundred.”

    Customer: “Yes, just eight individual ladybugs. And could you please keep your voice down?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t open a box to give you just eight. The rest would all fly away.”

    Customer: “Well, then I’ll take a box. ”

    (I ring her up and she takes the box of ladybugs over to one of our picnic tables. She takes one ladybug, whispers to it and then flings it into the air.)

    Customer: “HEAR MY WORDS AND DO MY BIDDING!”

    (After several more ladybugs have been released she brings the box back over.)

    Customer: “I’m not going to need the rest of these. You can keep them here.”

    Me: “Ma’am, can I ask what you asked those ladybugs to do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, ladybugs eat other bugs, which means they’re meat eaters! So I gave them the names and addresses of people I hate. That way, they can get a swarm of them and attack! If they eat meat then it’s just a matter of time before a whole bunch of them will eat a whole person!”

    Speechless In Savannah

    | Savannah, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, sir. This is Kristy and I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

    Customer: “Can I ask your name?”

    Me: “Um, Kristy?”

    Customer: “Well Kristy, I’m Steve. We’ve never met, but I can tell by your voice that you’re a beautiful person with pretty eyes. And I’m going to tell you that in the years you work at that store, one day a guy will come in and it might be me, but I won’t tell you my name so you’ll never know it was me and you’ll always think, ‘I wonder if that was that Steve guy?’ But if you guess, I’ll take you out to dinner. You have a good day now.”

    Me: “…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Seriously, Folks, No More Cuts To Education

    | Temple Terrace, FL, USA |

    (A customer walks up to me for assistance while I’m in aisle 14 of the grocery store.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I need to find bread crumbs.”

    Me: “Okay, well there are some on aisle 7 and also some in the bakery. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll go find it. Is aisle 7 above or below aisle 14? I’m not real good at math.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I better show you where it is…”

    The Day The Earth Revolved Around The Customer

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (I’m working in the customer service area when a woman approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, we are late for the movie…”

    Me: “Okay, would you like to wait for the next show or get a refund?”

    Customer: “No. Could you please rewind the movie back to the beginning?”

    Me: “…rewind the movie?”

    Customer: “Yes, you know…PUSH rewind so we can see it from the beginning.”

    Me: “Uh ma’am, these aren’t like VCRs or DVD players…these are huge projectors that can’t be rewound. Besides that, there are already other people in the theater. All I can do is give you tickets for the next show or a refund.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “NEVER MIND!”

    Party Priorities

    | Detroit, MI, USA |

    (I am setting birthday invitations for a customer’s mother’s 90th birthday.)

    Customer: “Well, it looks great, except for one thing…”

    Me: “Well, all right. Just tell me the problem and I can fix it.”

    Customer: *pointing to the location and address on the invite* “Can we remove this? There’s too much information, it looks really cluttered.”

    Me: “…you want to remove the location from the invitation?”

    Customer: “Yes! It looks like too many words; I certainly wouldn’t read all that.” *points to RSVP information* “Actually, take that off too.”

    Me: “How are people going to know where to go, or how to let you know they’ll be there?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure they can figure it out!”

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