Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (3,016 thumbs up)
  • Hasta-La-Vista

    | Wisconsin, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hey, you know them laptops over there? Do they come with the internet?”

    Me: “They are internet capable and also have wi-fi.”

    Customer: “So, I buy it and send it to the warehouse and they put the internet on it for me?”

    Me: “You just need to select a company and purchase their internet services.”

    Customer: “What? Then what the h*** is that Visto thing that comes on it? I need to buy two internets?”

    Me: “No. Windows Vista is an operating system.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Getting the internet is kinda like getting cable television.”

    Customer: “Cable?”

    (The conversation only went downhill from there.)

    Got An Urgin’ For Some Urchin

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (At the aquarium where I volunteer, a guest sticks her whole hand in our touch tank, rips off a sea urchin and proceeds to stuff it in her bag.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t do that.”

    Guest: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You can’t rip the urchin off the tank’s wall. Could you please hand me it?”

    Guest: “But I was going to take it home and eat it. Isn’t that okay?”

    We Ain’t Got Jack

    | Worcester, MA, USA |

    (Note: this occurred on October 30th.)

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me find a costume? I’m looking for a Jack Sparrow costume for my son.”

    Me: “Ah, well, I can tell you that Jack was a very popular character this year, and unfortunately we are out of all our Jack Sparrow costumes, even adults. But we–”

    Customer: “What! That’s outrageous! How can you be out of the most popular costume?”

    Me: “Well we’ve tried to keep up with demand, but I guess a lot of people shopped early this year. We sold out of many of the most popular costumes, Jack Sparrow being one of them. We have other pirate items.”

    Customer: “No, no, no! He wants to be Jack! I can’t believe this, this is the fifth costume shop I have been to today and no one has this costume! Why don’t you people keep more of them around?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. If you like, I would be happy to help you pull together a Jack Sparrow costume out of items we do have.”

    Customer: *walking away* “Outrageous! How can a store be out of the most popular Halloween costumes when Halloween is tomorrow?!”

    Truly Fake Intentions

    , | Waterford, MI, USA |

    (A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”

    Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

    Customer: “No, I want that one!”

    Me: “Okay, sir.”

    (I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

    Customer: “Where are you going?”

    Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

    Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”

    Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

    (His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

    Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

    | Jackson, NJ, USA |

    (I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

    Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle–it’s not safe for you or the animals.

    Motorcycle rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

    Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

    Motorcycle rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

    (During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

    Bus rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

    Motorcycle rider: “They’d do that to my bike?”

    (He rode the bus that day.)

    Related:
    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2
    Getting Your Priorities Straight

    Page 1,701/2,215First...1,6991,7001,7011,7021,703...Last