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    Ball Buster Filibuster

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (I work at a video store, where in order to rent movies we ask for a phone number and then read out their name to verify the account. You can have one primary account name, with others added on to it. This particular customer was on the account under his wife.)

    Me: “Phone number, please.”

    Customer: *reads out number*

    Me: “Are you under [name of wife]“?

    Customer: “Not tonight. She’s mad at me!”

    Living A Vanilla Kind Of Life

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Me: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a small cone.”

    Me: “A small cone with what kind of ice cream?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “But, what kind?”

    Customer: “A small scoop!”

    Me: “But what flavor!”

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t know I had that option.”

    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Me: “Okay ma‚Äôam, lets try resetting your modem.”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Is there a button on the modem?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Not all modems have a reset button. We can just unplug it and plug it back in.”

    Customer: “Which cord do I unplug?”

    Me: “The one that plugs into the wall.”

    Customer: “Which one is that?”

    Me: “Do you see those larger wires come from the back that go into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “None of the wires that look like that.”

    Customer: “Oh.. okay. So this small one that says Modem?”

    Me: “That‚Äôs the one.”

    Customer: “What about this other one?”

    Me: “What other one?”

    Customer: “There’s another thin wire that goes to this other box.”

    Me: “That’s for your phone. Leave that one alone.”

    Customer: “Okay. So pull out that wire?”

    Me: “No. Just–”

    Customer: *click*

    No Longer A Custo-Mary Holiday

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (I am on the sales floor and there is a woman shopping with her little daughter. The daughter noticed a red and white sweater.)

    Daughter: “Look Mom, doesn’t this look like something Santa Claus would wear?”

    Mother: “Santa Claus? Who’s that? Santa Claus is a fictional man they made up to take the place of Jesus.”

    A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

    | New Hampshire |

    Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

    Me: “No sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

    (Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

    Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

    Me: “No sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

    Customer: “Border Patrol.”

    (This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

    Me: “Which border?”

    Customer: “Canadian.”

    (Customer walks away with a self-important air.)

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