No Customers, I Hate Customers

| IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working the front register when a gentleman comes up and puts his items on the counter.)

Customer: “No bag. I hate bags!”

Me: “No problem, sir. That will be $27.89.”

(The customer pays with cash.)

Me: “Your change is $0.11. Here’s your receipt.”

Customer: “Keep the receipt. I hate paper!”

The Grapes Or Wrath

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(Note: I work at a hardware store. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you sell grapes?”

(I’m assuming they are some form of bolt or electrical fitting I had not heard of.)

Me: “Um, what are they used for?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m an idiot* “Eating! Grapes!”

Me: “Oh. No, this is a hardware shop.”

Customer: *blank face* “But you used to sell fruit…”

Me: “No, I’m pretty sure this shop has never sold any fruit.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(There’s a very long pause where he just stares at me.)

Customer: “No grapes, then?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

| Bergen, Norway | Books & Reading

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

(For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

A Slippery Slimy Slope

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I cashier at a food booth for a festival every year. One year, a customer comes up to order with a large stuffed animal of a blue clown fish sticking out of his jean pocket. He pulls the fish out of his pocket and points it at me.)

Customer: “Would you like to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no. Thank you.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(At the moment, my little sister is sitting next to me doing some work. He then points to my sister, who isn’t paying attention.)

Customer: “Does she want to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no, she definitely doesn’t.”

Customer: “Haha, okay.”

(He takes his food and leaves.)

In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

, | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

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