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    Crazies Of Different Stripes

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I perform technical service on analytical instruments for labs. I am in a lab fixing an instrument that has had a lot of issues.)

    Lab tech: “Just pray over it. That will make it better. Just pray.”

    Me: “I wish it were that easy! We’re almost there though.”

    Lab tech: “You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!”

    Taste The Rainbow

    | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

    (Quality Street is a brand of chocolates here in the UK. They have launched a range of large size versions of their sweets, such as The Big Green Triangle and The Big Purple One.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you guys have big, purple ones?”

    (My colleague and I, despite our best efforts, burst into giggles.)

    Customer: “What’s so funn…oh!”

    Bleeding For A Cause

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I call people to request for them to come in and donate blood.)

    Me: “Hello! This is [name] with the blood center.”

    Male customer: “Oh, is it that time of the month again?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Male customer: “I just realized what I said.”

    The Sweet Smell Of Savings

    , | Chino, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

    Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

    (The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

    Customer: “What’s it do?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

    (He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

    Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

    Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

    (The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

    Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

    Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

    Cue The Queue

    | Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

    (The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

    Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

    Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Which one?”

    Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

    Customer: “So, it’s random?”

    Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

    Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

    Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”

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