Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,947 thumbs up)
  • The Aura-oma Of Fresh Coffee

    | Lakeville, MN, USA |

    (A customer orders a Zebra Mocha, but requests ‘love’. I add the note ‘Please make with love!’ to the order. I give the drink to her, and she takes a sip.)

    Customer: “Hey! I wanted it made with LOVE! I can taste the despair and hatred!”

    Me: “Sorry, do you want me to remake it?”

    Customer: “No! I want someone else to make it. You reek of hate and despair and sadness. I want LOVE!”

    Me: “Um…okay. Well, I’m the only one here, so can I give you a refund or remake it?”

    Customer: “Fine, but remember the LOVE.”

    Me: *remakes drink* “Here you go…honey!”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    Two Heads Of Lettuce Are Better Than One

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (I’m checking out a grocery store customer. Everything seems normal until she heads to the bagging area.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t have a bagger right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s fine, I can bag!” *pause* “Would you like paper or plastic, ma’am?” *pause* “I’d like paper, please, thank you.”

    (I glance over at the woman from the corner of my eyes.)

    Customer: “I love your shirt!” *pause* “Thank you!”

    (I continue checking out the lady’s order.)

    Customer: “Oh, miss, you’re going too fast. Please slow down!”

    (I turn off my conveyor belt and continue to ring up her items.)

    Customer: “No, stop going so fast!”

    (I slow down for the last four items and then give her the total. The customer comes to the credit card machine to pay.)

    Customer: “Thank you, you’re such a wonderful cashier! We’ll have to remember to come through your line next time!”

    Three Dimensions Is Two Too Many

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but why are you closed at the moment?”

    Me: “Umm…sorry?”

    Customer: “Why are you closed?”

    Me: “We’re not closed, we’re open for business. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “No, you are closed. That’s what that sign says.” *points to hanging sign on door* “See? It says ‘CLOSED’ in big red letters.”

    Me: “Actually, that sign is to indicate to the people that are outside that we are open for business. It says ‘OPEN’ on the side pointing outwards. It flips, see?” *I go and show her*

    Customer: “But it says on this side that you are closed. Why are you closed?!”

    Me: “I can assure we are open. Are you sure I can’t help you with anything?”

    Customer: “I swear if this is one of those elaborate radio station hoaxes, I will never shop here again!”

    Just Follow The Purple Brick Road

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (At the bike rental shop where I work, we usually give customers a map of the area to know the route they’re taking.)

    Customer: “Which of these routes do we take?”

    Me: “You’re going to follow the bike path. It’s the purple one on your map.”

    Customer: “Oh, perfect!” *to her friends* “We just have to look for a purple trail!”

    Totally Plastered

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Alright, your cast is on nice and secure. It should heal within four to six weeks.”

    Patient: “Really? Only four to six minutes?”

    Me: “No, four to six weeks.”

    Patient: “Okay, four to six minutes.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s impossible for it to heal within four to six minutes. It takes about four to six weeks.”

    Patient: “Oh, all right.”

    (I turn around to fill out his form. When I turn back around, he has taken off his cast.)

    Me: “Sir, why did you take off your cast?!”

    Patient: “Well, you said it heals within four to six minutes, but you said it was too short, so I waited seven minutes…but it still hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, your arm is still broken. Four to six weeks is around a month and a half.”

    Patient: “Well, why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?! A month and a half is five weeks! Why did you say four to six minutes?”

    Me: “I never said…” *I pause and compose myself* “…okay, nevermind. Let’s put on a new cast.”

    Patient: “Oooh! Can I have a pink one?”

    Page 1,699/2,214First...1,6971,6981,6991,7001,701...Last