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    Born Yesterday

    | Allentown, PA, USA | History

    (Several teenage patrons are reading the ‘What does your birthday mean?’ keychains.)

    Teenager #1: “Mine’s September 11th. Wasn’t that, like, a bad day in history or something?”

    Me: “How old are you guys?”

    All teens: “Thirteen!”

    (I do quick mental math. I realize they were only six when the twin towers fell.)

    Me: “Yes. It was a very bad day. Members of an extremist group hijacked some planes and–”

    (While reading a keychain from the day the Berlin Wall fell, the second teenager interrupts me.)

    Teenager #2: “Hey! What does ‘co-MUNE-ism’ mean?”

    Righteous Indie-nation

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (A customer walks over to the first aisle and taps each and every last CD case with his finger while saying either ‘mainstream’ or ‘sell-out’. He proceeds to do this with every single CD in the store, which takes him about 25 minutes. He then walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What a bunch of mainstreamers you guys are! Don’t you have anything more obscure?”

    Me: “We do have a pretty large indie section, which you seemed to have skimmed over.”

    Customer: “You call those indie? I’ve heard of every single one of them. They’re all sell-outs.”

    Me: “So, what is it that you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “How the h*** should I know? If I’ve already heard of it, I wouldn’t buy it.”

    Moby Thick

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    (A customer comes to our help desk, looking upset.)

    Customer: “My daughter’s teacher assigned this book. It’s totally inappropriate for a twelve year old! I was hoping you could suggest something else.”

    Me: “What’s the book, ma’am?”

    Customer: ”I don’t want to say the name out loud. There are children present.”

    (The customer hands over the assigned reading list. The book is ‘Moby Dick’.)

    Me: “It’s not a dirty book, ma’am. Moby Dick is a story about a man and his hunt to kill an elusive white whale. It’s actually rather good. I read it when I was about your daughter’s age.”

    Customer: “Well, they should name it something different. You should tell the author person he needs to change the name.”

    You Got The Wrongest Email

    | Upstate, NY, USA |

    Caller: “I’d like to get more information about [program].”

    Me: “I’d be glad to help you with that, sir. Actually, we sent an email to you earlier in the week about it.”

    Caller: “Really? I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s in my spam folder.”

    (He checks his spam folder.)

    Caller: “Well, I don’t see your email. There’s something about how male-enhancement drugs can improve my bedroom performance. That’s not from you guys, is it?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    See If He’ll Fetch The Schtick

    | Kansas City, KS, USA |

    (A customer comes in and is looking at our Hanukkah stuff for dogs.)

    Customer: “How cute! Hanukkah stuff for dogs.”

    Me: “We also have Hanukkah collars.”

    Customer: “How do you know if your dog is Jewish?”

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