July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Crazy For Sushi

| New Hampshire, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m bagging a customer’s groceries.)

Customer: “If my sushi tips over, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”

Me: “Um, do you want me to put it in a separate bag for you?”

Customer: “You’d better.”

Misery Demands Company, Part 2

| Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids

(Our office has stickers for the kids that come in. A patient’s child spots them on the way out.)

Child: “Can we get stickers?”

Patient: *sighing* “Can he have a sticker?”

Me: “Of course!”

Patient: *rolls eyes heavily* “Okay…well, don’t get your hopes up.”

Child: “Do they have SpongeBob or superheroes?”

Me: “Of course we do!”

(The patient sticks her hand in container, fiddles around, and pulls her hand out empty despite the container being filled with stickers.)

Patient: “Nope, looks like they don’t. We’re leaving.”

Related:
Misery Demands Company

They Don’t Insure Against Dumb

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a human resources call center. I’m walking an employee through electing her benefits online. She says she is getting an error message when she tries to save her changes.)

Caller: “It says, ‘check here to opt out of health insurance or check here to select [insurance provider].’ What should I click?”

Me: “Well, if you want to opt out of health insurance, click on the top one. If you want [insurance provider], click the bottom one.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. What’s the difference between the two?”

Me: “One is health insurance and the other one is no health insurance.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh.”

Not So Modest Aspirations

| Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

| Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

(I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

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