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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    The Produce Section Is Too Deep To Ford

    | Edmonton, Canada |

    (I was a customer observing this exchange.)

    Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it*

    Employee: “Sir, what are you doing?”

    Customer: “I’m sampling an apple to make sure it’s not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy.”

    Employee: “Er…it’s generally not a very good idea to do that…those aren’t washed.”

    Customer: *sets the apple back down* “YOU DON’T WASH THEM?! Don’t you know you can spread dysentery?!”

    Employee: “They’re washed before they come in here, but we can’t wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying for something that’ll give me dysentery!”

    Employee: “We can’t sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!”

    Customer: *stomps off*

    Customer #2: *observing nearby “Someone should tell him, ‘You have died of dysentery.’”

    The Final Step Is Acceptance

    | Oslo, Norway |

    (I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month one of our mentors listen to our calls, to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.)

    Me: “Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****”

    Customer: “Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!”

    Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…it says: ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do I do?!”

    Me: “Er…is there a button that says ‘OK’?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!” *hangs up*

    Me: “…you’re welcome?”

    Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.”

    It Will Return Soon Enough

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”

    Me: “Of course – can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”

    Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”

    Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer Of The Week: The Nanuphobe

    | Arizona, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: The Nanuphobe
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    A Hiccup In The Food Chain

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I was working in the reptile department and I often got questions about the snakes.)

    Customer: “What do you feed these snakes?”

    Me: “Those snakes?¬†Usually feeder mice.”

    Customer: “You feed them live mice?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s what they eat.”

    Customer: Well, don’t you think that’s cruel?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Can’t you feed them a vegetarian diet?”

    Me: “No ma’am, they need to eat a diet similar to what they would naturally eat in the wild.”

    Customer: “Well, I think that’s just awful.¬†They should be able to survive on vegetables.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ll have to talk to God about that one.”


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