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    Why Husbands Need Training Wheels

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Me: “Sir, it says we have you in a room with two queen size beds. Is that correct?”

    Wife: “That’s right. At home, we have a Tempur-Pedic bed, so when we stay places, we need two beds.”

    Husband: “Yeah, I flail–”

    Wife: “–he bounces in his sleep–”

    Husband: “–and not in the good way.”

    Wife: “Yeah, it starts out as the good kind of bouncing, and then it doesn’t stop–”

    Husband: “Yes, honey, that’s TMI. TMI!”

    Lord Of The Rain Dance

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Good afternoon, [theatre], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I want to know what’s happening tonight with the show, since it’s going to rain. I have tickets and I want a refund.”

    Me: “Well, the company doesn’t cancel a show until the scheduled start time, so you do have to turn up at the venue to see what we’re doing. We will go ahead in light rain, and we can’t refund if the show goes ahead.”

    Caller: “You’re telling me I have to drive all the way there, when you know it’s going to be canceled?”

    Me: “Well, we don’t decide until that time because we’re not sure what the weather will be like this evening.”

    Caller: “The national weather service says it’s going to rain.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the weather’s been a bit unpredictable lately, so–”

    Caller: “That’s not true.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “They said it would rain tonight.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am, but we’re still not sure that at the time of the show–”

    Caller: “You shouldn’t insult people like that. People have studied for years to be able to predict the weather! You shouldn’t just dismiss that!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t mean to-”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t, but you really should be more careful how you speak. If they say there’s going to a storm, you should respect that. You should cancel your show.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Well unfortunately, that is the visiting company’s policy, so I’m afraid you’ll have to take it up with them.”

    Caller: “I will!” *hangs up*

    (Unfortunately for the caller, we had beautiful summer evening and the show went ahead as planned.)

    And To Delete, Use White Out…

    | Missouri, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I need help with my printer. I want to print this letter, but it’s not going to fit on the page!”

    Me: “What happens when you try to print?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to get ink everywhere!”

    Me: “Okay, why do you think it won’t fit on the page?”

    Caller: “Well, when I held it up to the screen, the paper was smaller than the page in Word. So, it obviously won’t fit!”

    Me: “Ma’am, could you just try to print it for me?”

    Caller: “I told you, it’ll spill ink!”

    Me: “Trust me, it won’t.”

    Caller: “Fine, but if it does, you’ll have to clean it up.”

    (After a few moments of printing sounds…)

    Caller: *gasp* *click*

    It Also Comes In Lemon, Cherry, and Chlorine

    | Reno, NV, USA |

    (I work for a company which sells hand sanitizer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]! How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask if your product comes in any other flavors?”

    Me: “…”

    Would You Like To Super-Size That Band-Aid?

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)

    Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”

    Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”

    (I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)

    Me: “First Aid is just down there.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”

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