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    Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

    , | Panama City, FL, USA | Top

    (I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

    Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

    Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

    Husband: “Mostly porn.”

    Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

    Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

    Wife: “Why’s that?”

    Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    The Caped Crusader In His Spare Time

    | St. Cloud, MN, USA |

    (Our call center specializes in courtesy calls to new Health Care Members. We could only speak with the account holder.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello. Is **** available?”

    Man: “I’m Batman.”

    Me: “That’s…fine, sir, but is **** there?”

    Man: “I’m Batman.”

    Me: “I understand that, but for the purposes of my call, I have to speak with ****. Can you please tell me if she’s available?”

    Man: “I’m Batman.”

    Me: “I’m near a window, and I can see the bat symbol. While you go to meet the Commissioner, could you hand the phone to ****?”

    Man: “…” *click*

    He Auto Know Better

    | USA |

    (We take calls from all over the USA and Canada from people needing roadside assistance. This particular call was taken by a co-worker.)

    Co-worker: “What is wrong with your vehicle that you need it towed?”

    Customer: “I put it up on a flat.”

    Co-worker: “I’m sorry? You put it up on a flat…?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I put it up on a flat.”

    Co-worker: “What exactly is wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I put it up on a flat! You know, I have a dead battery and 3 flat tires.”

    Co-worker: “Oh, OK. Is that vehicle a two-wheel-drive or a four-wheel-drive?”

    Customer: “It’s a one-wheel drive. I told you I had 3 flat tires! Do you know anything about cars?!”

    TMI Mom Tries To Help

    | Canada |

    (A forty-something year old woman comes to the counter with her purchases. Amongst them is a box of condoms, which have security stickers on them. Before I scan the item, I swipe it a few times over the scanner to deactivate it.)

    Customer: “Is it not scanning?”

    Me: “No, I’m just deactivating the security sticker. I don’t want you to set off the alarm on the way out. Especially over condoms!”

    Customer: “Oh I’m not embarrassed! They’re not for me, they’re for my son. I can’t even get an erection!”

    Thou Playest Too Much Warcraft, Methinks

    | Lapeer, MI, USA |

    (An customer wearing the famous “I F**K on the first date” t-shirt is at our video rental store complaining about a charge on her account. Note that she also has her four year-old daughter with her.)

    Customer: “You f***ing peons make seven dollars an hour, and you think you can tell us what to do?! You lost that movie yourself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do–”

    Customer: “No, but you will be sorry! I expect a heart-felt apology to my face!”

    (The customer storms out of the store with her daughter in tow, but before I can get to the next customer she comes back in.)

    Customer: “My daughter is bawling because of you! So, thank you! THANK YOU!”

    (She kicks the door on her way out and goes back to her car. I take a deep breath and put my smile back on.)

    Me: “I can help who’s next!”

    Next customer: “Did she just call you a peon?”

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