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    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    (The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

    Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state approved ID.”

    Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”

    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
    She Has Trouble Written All Over Her

    Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time

    | OH, USA | Top

    (A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

    Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

    (I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

    Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

    Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

    (The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

    Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

    Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”

    Flip It, Crush It, Then Reverse It

    | Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [tech support]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to return this phone. I don’t use it.”

    Me: “Okay. I see you are still under your buyer’s remorse period and–”

    Customer: “Yes, take it back.”

    Me: “So, you have the original packaging and the receipt?”

    Customer: *proudly* “Yes!”

    Me: “Great, and is there any damage to the phone?”

    Customer: “I ran over it with my car.”

    Me: “Well, then. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t take it back.”

    Customer: *irate* “But it’s still within the first 30 days!”

    Eeling Sad

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Uncategorized

    (The aquarium I work at is a non-profit organization, so we’re always accepting donations. A well dressed older lady comes up to me, and asks a question about one of the animals in the 2000 gallon tank.)

    Customer: “You see the eel? Doesn’t he just look so sad in that small tank?”

    Me: “That’s actually just the way they look and act in the wild.”

    Customer: “All the fish are swimming in circles. They just look so bored and sad.”

    Me: “I agree that it must get boring, but this is all these fish would do in the wild anyway. They would even live in a small area, like this one.”

    Customer: “Well, I’d like to just write you a big check. But your fish just look too sad.”

    I’m Falling (And Calling) To Pieces

    | Saskatoon, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

    (I hear a loud banging noise over the phone.)

    Caller: “Sorry, I dropped my phone.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “Oh, no! I dropped my remote. Hold on.”

    (A few minutes later…)

    Caller: “I got my remote now.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “My batteries just fell out.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “Are you still there? I dropped my phone.” *call drops*

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