Trying To Re-Coup Losses

| Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “That’ll be [price]."

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

Monsters Of The ID

| Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Uncategorized, Underaged

(A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

(I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

Customer: “I know that’s there.”

Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

Suffering For Art

| Laguna Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(There are giant "No Photography" signs posted on all doors and all over the gallery. A gallery patron pulls out her camera and starts photographing artwork.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “Oh, sorry. Why can’t I take pictures?”

Me: “These are copyrighted images and if we let everyone take pictures, they would have no reason to purchase the art.”

(The patron shrugs, pulls out her cell phone, and walks around the gallery. She holds it up in the air while taking pictures of the wall art.)

Me: “Excuse me, but like I said before, we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “I wasn’t taking pictures, I was talking on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, you were holding it over your head, and you weren’t even talking.”

Patron: “Well, it’s none of your business how I talk on my phone. Besides, I don’t think any of them were in focus.”

In A Stupid Mood

| Corolla, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(At the checkout line, a customer and her grand daughter have placed mood rings all over their fingers.)

Customer: “Isn’t it amazing how they know exactly what type of mood you’re in?”

Me: “Would you to add any mood rings?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, it will be [price].”

Customer: *pays*

Me: “Your change is [change]”

(I hand the customer one of the new five dollar bills.)

Customer: “I think this bill is counterfeit.”

Me: “I assure you, it’s not ma’am.”

Customer: “Sure it is, it’s colored.”

Me: “It’s actually a mood five. It changes according to your mood.”

Customer: “The things they do with technology!”

Marriage Bed(ding)

| Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

Man: “Yes please.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

Me: “Good enough for me!”

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