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    Apparently Bad Parenting, Part 2

    | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need to pick up my daughter. She’s in the eighth grade.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The eighth graders are testing right now and they’ve only been testing for about forty five minutes. I don’t think she’s done.”

    Customer: “But we have a plane to catch!”

    Me: “Well, why didn’t you just not send her to school? I mean, what time is your flight?”

    Customer: “8:45!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was thirty minutes ago. I don’t think you’re making it anyways.”

    Customer: “But it’s central time zone!”

    Me: “We’re in the central time zone, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Don’t correct me! I don’t care if she fails. I just don’t want to lose my dignity!”

    Apparently Bad Parenting

    Salad Of The Dead

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    (Two customers are having a conversation as they order.)

    Customer #1: “I have a whole bunch of studying for school this weekend. I have a test in one class, and I have to memorize the Greek alphabet for my sorority.”

    Customer #2: “Wait, you have to memorize the Greek alphabet? That’s, like, so stupid. What use are you going to have memorizing the alphabet to a dead language? Or wait, is it dead? Or do some people still speak it?

    Customer #1: “No, it’s dead. Or, maybe they still speak it in Greece. I think.”

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer #1: “Greek salad!”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First, Part 2

    | Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

    (I work at directory inquiries.)

    Me: “Which name, please?”

    Caller: “I’d like the number for the local fire station.”

    Me: “Searching for you now.”

    Caller: “Can you hurry up? My kitchen’s on fire.”

    Me: “Sir, hang up right now and then dial emergency services!”

    Caller: “Hold on.” *he’s away for over a minute* “Right, I’ve got a pen and paper now. What was the number?”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First

    Don’t Be A Data Hater, Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, it’s James from [internet company]. Do you have a few moments to discuss a few of our products?”

    Customer: “I’ll never go with [internet company].”

    Me: ” I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?”

    Customer: “Someone I hate works for you.”

    Me: ” Well, depending on who they are, they may have nothing to do with your service.”

    Customer: “I don’t care how they’re involved. I hate them!”

    Don’t Be A Data Hater

    Killing Two With One Stone

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am making calls to confirm reservations.)

    Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [name]?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, he’s not available.”

    Me: “Oh, well this is [name] calling from [restaurant]. I am calling to confirm his reservation for 6 pm tomorrow night for two people. Do you know if he will still be needing the reservation?”

    Customer: “I don’t think so, sorry.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Will you let him know he can call to reschedule for another time? We still have a few openings for the next night.”

    Customer: “That won’t be necessary. He died last night and we’re burying him tomorrow. Thank you for checking, though.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. We’re so sorry for your loss, and we’ll go ahead and take care of that cancellation for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! Wait, do you guys cater funerals?”

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