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    Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “How long is your wait right now?”

    Me: “There is no wait at the moment.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “That you don’t have to wait for a table.”

    Caller: “But how long is the wait?”

    Me: “There is none. You will be seated right away.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me!”

    Death Goes Shopping

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (We are having a big sale on lobsters and I’m standing behind an open case of them.)

    Customer: “Are these alive?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they’re all alive.”

    (The customer picks one up that is moving and violently shakes it.)

    Customer: “This one isn’t!”

    Me: “That’s because you just killed it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of that!” *violently throws the lobster back into the case and storms off*

    Truth In Advertising

    | Bloomingdale, IL, USA |

    (A customer brings up four panties with a free pair of panties coupon.)

    Me: “If you grab one more pair of panties, you can get the five for $25 promotion.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to.”

    Me: “Well, with the coupon and the promotion you will be saving money.”

    Customer: “Why are you forcing me to buy more?! I want these panties only!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you are paying $24.50 right now for only four panties. When you purchase a fifth one, you will actually save money.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to! You can’t make me buy another one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please…I am not trying to make you pay more. I am trying to save you money!”

    Customer: “You…want to save me…money?

    (The customer reluctantly grabs one more pair of panties and I ring it up.)

    Me: “Now, your total is $21.52.”

    Customer: “You actually did want to save me money! *whispers* “I’m kind of slow…”

    I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

    , | Canada |

    (I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

    Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

    Misunderstanding The Great Melting Pot

    | Bay Area, CA |

    Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

    Customer: “Can I get some bread sticks?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have bread sticks.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I get… what was it called? Chow mein?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t serve chow mein. We have something like that called yaki udon, though.”

    Customer: “What? Why don’t you have chow mein?”

    Me: “That is a Chinese dish and this is a Japanese restaurant.”

    Customer: “They’re different?!”

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