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    Stalking Is A Matter Of Wife And Death

    | Watchung, NJ, USA | Top

    (I am working the register. An old woman walks up to me looking very flustered.)

    Customer: “Sir, would you please call security. There’s a man following me.”

    (I hear the voice of a child that is so small that I can’t see him over the counter.)

    Child: “Grandma, that’s Grandpa!”

    Ink Isn’t The Only Thing Running Low

    , | Location undisclosed |

    Customer: “Whenever I try to print my statement from your website, it always comes out really light. I don’t have this problem with other websites. Are you guys out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Are you using your home computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I already called the ink cartridge company. They said it’s not their fault.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re trying to print at home, it’s a problem with your home computer. Our printers are working just fine.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Maybe you should have someone look at your computer’s settings.”

    Customer: “Should I call the ink cartridge company again?”

    Me: “I don’t think that will fix it.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ll call the ink cartridge company again. Thanks! Bye!”

    How You Know You’ve Been Working Too Long

    , | London, UK | Top

    (The customer is apparently employed at another branch of the same fast food chain.)

    Customer: “I’d like a [burger] meal with lemonade, please.”

    Me: “That’s one [burger] meal with lemonade?”

    Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Oh! I mean, yes. Thank you.”

    You’re Watching The Braille Channel

    | Preston, Lancashire, UK |

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “The problem is you sent me a blind person’s television!”

    Me: “Pardon me, sir?”

    Customer: “You heard me! A television you sell to blind people!”

    Me: “I am sorry, nothing like that exists. Are you sure the TV is not just faulty?”

    Customer: “I don’t care what’s wrong with it! All I know is I am not blind!”

    Now I (Don’t) Know My ABCs

    | Oregon, USA |

    Me: “I just need you to type in ‘Http’.”

    Caller:“Hptp?”

    Me: “H like hotel, t like tom, t like tom, p like papa.”

    Caller: “Htcp?”

    Me: “Almost. H like hotel, T like Tom, T like Tom, P like Papa.”

    Caller: “Chtc?”

    Me: “Our connection must be rough.” *very slowly* “H like hoooteeel, T like Tommm, T like Tommm, P like Paaapaaa.”

    Caller: “Oh! Ghtc!”

    Me: “Let me send you a link.”

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