No Bar And No Bite, Part 2

| Manchester, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(It’s our company policy to not give refunds. It’s stated at all the till points, on receipts, and if a customer asks, we tell them the exact policy. It’s fairly known and it’s also been in effect for years. I’m also studying to be a barrister while working at this store part-time.)

Customer: “I’d like to get my money back on this.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s our policy not to give refunds.”

Customer: “That’s illegal.”

Me: “It’s actually well within the law.”

Customer: “It’s not. I’m a barrister…I should know!”

Me: “Really? What firm are you with? I’m actually after getting a bit of work experience in law.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve not technically passed the bar yet.”

Me: “So you’re not a barrister then?”

Customer: *goes red* “Just give me a gift card then.”

Related:
No Bar And No Bite

A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 3

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

(As part of my job, I have to call potential leads and obtain information so that we can give them a quote. I am on the phone with a customer and have just finished obtaining all of the information I need.)

Me: “That’s all the information I need. One of the agents will contact you within a few days and will send a copy of the quote to your email address.”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: “My name is Carolyn.”

Customer: “No. Your name is Carol-INE. Do you mind if I call you Caroline?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “Thanks, Carol-INE! Have a good day!”

Related:
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2
A Bozo By Any Other Name

In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

| Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”

The Secret Is In The Sauce

, | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink

(We moved to America because my dad’s work was transported to a new port. He is very bad with English, so many hilarious moments ensued when he buys food. At the moment, this fast food restaurant is heavily marketing one of its burgers. My dad decides he wants to try one.)

Cashier: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Dad: “Yes, I would like the Big and Nasty Burger, please!”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Dad: “The Big and Nasty Burger!”

Cashier: “Um, do you mean the Big and Tasty Burger, sir?”

Dad: “Yes, that’s what I said! The Big and Nasty!”

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

| Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

(A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

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