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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • If He Continues He’s Likely To Lose Another 21 Grams

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I am used to this very specific customer’s order by now.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I take your order, sir?”

    Customer: “I will have a half-decaf, extra-large, one pump of sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino. And a scone.”

    Me: “Here you go, sir. Half-decaf, extra-large, one pump sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Weigh it.”

    Me: “I did weigh it, sir.”

    Customer: “Again.”

    (I weigh it again. The scale comes out to 236 grams, because it measures in units of 2.)

    Customer: “It’s over. Remake it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Remake it! And I want a free drink for you wasting my time!”

    (The drink is remade three more times. Once for being two degrees off, and once for being one gram less. The manager then has to explain that the scale measures in units of 2.)

    Me: “Here’s your drink, sir.”

    Customer: “Finally! It’s amazing you all don’t get fired for incompetence!”

    (The customer then goes and adds cold milk at the bar.)

    Much Askew About Nothing

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A client walks into clinic as the floors are being mopped. She notices the ‘wet floor’ sign, and immediately starts flailing around as if she’s slipping.)

    Me: “I haven’t mopped that part of the lobby yet.”

    (The client immediately stops her dramatics.)

    Client: “Oh, okay.”

    Language Skills Are Medi-okra

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work as a demo lady.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

    Customer: “Wait…what?”

    Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

    Customer: “Are…you speaking English?”

    Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 2

    | East Midlands, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “What sort of work are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Outdoor work, and…indoor work.”

    Me: “Could you perhaps narrow that down a bit?”

    Related:
    Well, That Narrows It Down

    Might Have To Go Through Alternative Channels

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite tv]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just bought new equipment. Turn it on for me.”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (I take down customer’s info. I try to turn his satellite TV on with no success.)

    Me: “Sir, is your receiver hooked up?”

    Customer: “Yea, it’s plugged in.”

    Me: “Is it connected to the TV?”

    Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, they make us ask. Is your satellite dish installed on your roof?”

    Customer: “Is my what on the roof?”

    Me: “Your dish, sir. Is it on the roof?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a dish on the roof, but I have over fifty of them in the kitchen.”

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