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    Now With Extra Mahalo

    | Utah, USA | Uncategorized

    (On a sign advertising our new coconut flavored drink, the picture of the cup has “add aloha” in the custom box.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, what can I make for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, yeah, um… can I get a mocha…no, wait…caramel frap? And will you add aloha?”

    Me: “Okay, so a caramel frappuccino…but what is aloha?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on the sign out here.”

    Me: “Oh! Yeah, that’s just advertising for our new coconut flavor. It’s just saying you can add the flavor of the tropics, like Hawaii, you know?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s all then.”

    Faster Than You Can Think

    | Lacey, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a very large retailer in the sporting goods dept. The day of my four-year mark last September, I get this call.)

    Me: “Sporting goods, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to check to see if you have this particular scooter in stock.”

    Me: “What kind of scooter?”

    Customer: “It’s a Razor. I think it’s a blue one. Your website says it’s $197. I want to see if you have it.”

    Me: “Let me check. Hold on.

    (I place customer on hold and go check our stock.)

    Me: “Yeah, we have two. One has a speed of 10 MPH and that one is like an old foot powered scooter with an electric motor. We also have a European styled-scooter with a speed of 15 MPH.”

    Customer: “Mmmm, okay, does the 15 MPH scooter go faster than the 10MPH scooter?”

    Me: “Um, yeah. That kinda tends to happen.”

    Customer: “So that’s faster, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, it is faster.”

    Customer: “Ok, yeah. Thanks!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids

    (I hand out a vocabulary list to a class of 8-9 year olds.)

    Me: “Does anyone know any of the words?”

    Student: “I know what twilight means!”

    Me: “Go on, tell us what you think it means.”

    Student: “Actually, I’m not completely sure, but it’s got something to do with vampires…”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Accessories Are Contagious

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

    Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

    Me: “An SD card?”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”

    Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

    (The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*

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