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    My Life Coach Went To Film [Processing] School

    , | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    (A customer was picking up reprints from her film negatives.  I observed this exchange.)

    Customer: “This is the wrong picture!”

    Co-worker: “Which one was it supposed to be?”

    Customer: “Number 18.”

    Co-worker: *looks at negatives* “That is number 18 from these negatives. Did you drop off the wrong ones?”

    Customer: “No! I just gave them to your staff and told him to print this one. *pointing to number 18 on an index print card*

    Co-worker: “Ok…these are the negatives you dropped off?

    Customer: *loudly* “Well, how was I supposed to know they were the wrong ones? I can’t tell you how to do your job! I’m not in the back watching what your staff does!”

    (Upon hearing this, the manager comes over)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! Your staff took the wrong negatives from me and printed the wrong photos! I can’t keep track of all my negatives…that’s your job!”

    Manager: “So you’re saying that it’s our job to organize your negatives?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “No. We won’t come home with you and organize your negatives. It’s your responsibility to check that you’re dropping off the right negatives–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “This is horrible customer service! I’m never coming back!”

    Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes, it is our job to organize your life for you too.”

    So That’s The Difference…

    | Lithia Springs, GA, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?”

    Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” ¬†

    Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” ¬†

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.”

    Me: ¬†*surprised* ¬†”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….”

    Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!”

    Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.”

    (I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.)

    Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?”

    Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.”

    Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

    Me: “Yes, we have the movie ‘Forrest Gump’; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

    Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

    Me: “Uhh…do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

    Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

    Me: “…”

    The Great Fish Massacre of 2008

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED.¬†The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. ¬†Here’s my receipt.”

    Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”

    Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”

    Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”

    Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”

    Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”

    Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*

    Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”

    Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*

    Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”

    Customer: “EACH?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “What about those?

    Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”

    Customer: “EACH?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”

    Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”

    Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”

    (She got her new fish.  No idea what the death toll was.)

    Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. ¬†Can I get you anything to drink?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

    Me: “Coming right up.”

    Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

    Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

    Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

    Customer: “I would appreciate it.”

    (I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

    Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

    Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

    Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

    Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

    Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–”

    Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

    Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

    Me: “OUT!”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”


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