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    Introducing Byte-agra

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for…er…a stiffy disk.”

    Me: “I’m sorry–what was it you were after?”

    Customer: “I think it’s called stiffy disk.”

    Me: “Stiffy…wait, do you mean floppy discs?”

    Customer: “Ah, yes! FLOPPY disks!”

    Time Is Money

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A distressed older gentleman approached me, after having used the self-service copy machines.)

    Customer: “I only made 4 copies in black and white and it’s charging me $19.50!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s a bit odd. Did you take your credit card out already, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! And it started charging me!”

    Me: “Wait. It shouldn’t be doing something like that…”

    Customer: “It is!”

    (We walk over to the copy machine in question.)

    Customer: *points* “See? It’s even going up to $19.53!”

    (One quick glance and I instantly know what’s wrong.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the clock.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Once you eject your card, it goes to the clock, and our card readers they’re set to 24-hour time.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh! Thank you!”

    Watch The Fur Fly

    | Concord, CA, USA |

    (We recently stocked realistic-looking toy puppies and kittens in our gift store that are posed as though they’re asleep.)

    Customer #1: “I just want you to know that your business is sick and disgusting! Any company that displays dead animals in their front window deserves to be shut down!”

    Me: “Dead animals, ma’am? We don’t sell real animals, live or dead. We’re primarily a card store.”

    Customer #1: “You have dead dogs and cats in your front window!”

    Me: “Oh, those aren’t real ma’am. They’re toys. They don’t even have real fur; they’re 100% fake.”

    Customer #1: “They look real, and they look like they’re dead! What kind of sick individual would buy something like that?!”

    (Right on cue, a teenage customer comes up with two puppies and a kitten.)

    Customer #2: “Oh my gawd! They’re so cute! I’m buying three!”

    Customer #1: “You are not bringing those dead things into my house!”

    Customer #2: “I guess I found a way to keep you from snooping into my room, huh, mom?”

    As Easy As (Bench) Pressing A Button

    | Norway, Oslo |

    (Note: We sell mobile terminals for warehouses and delivery firms.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “My terminal has gone into a freeze.”

    Me: “You can try restarting it.”

    Caller: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “You press and hold 1, 9 and the power button, and then you release.”

    Caller: *sound of terminal hitting the floor*

    And They Wonder Why Their Pizza Is Cold

    | Silverdale, WA, USA |

    Customer: “One of your pizza delivery drivers in a blue Mini needs to be turned into the police for passing me so irresponsibly! If I ever see that car with your sign on it again, I will sue you for endangering lives by hiring his kind!”

    Manager: “What road were you on?”

    Customer: “I was on state route 303. He must have been going at least 20 mph faster than me!”

    Manager: “I see. And how fast were you going?”

    Customer: “I was going 35 mph because my car cannot go fast up that hill. I want him fired now!”

    Manager: “Well, ma’am, I will certainly talk to him, but that section of road is clearly marked 55 mph. I’m failing to see the problem.”

    Customer: “The problem is that he passed me! Any business that has drivers knows that the rudest thing to do on the road is pass any other vehicles!”

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