The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

| Gilbert, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working the counter when a confused-looking customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have any horror movies?”

Me: “Yes, the horror section is over there, past action.”

Customer: “No, no! I mean horror movies.”

Me: “Right, horror movies. Like, scary movies, right?”

Customer: *growing agitated* “No! I mean horror movies!”

(He keeps giving the word slightly suggestive emphasis, so I start to wonder if he’s trying to say something else. He keeps carefully enunciating the whole word, including the last syllable.)

Me: “You are saying ‘horr-OR’ movies, right? Like The Exorcist, Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street?”

Customer: “No! Horror movies. You know, adult movies!”

The Usual, As Usual As Possible

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

(The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Attack Of The Third Dimensional Dimwits

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I am explaining to a customer how to program his pre-paid phone.)

Me: “Alright, the sequence you need to press is Pound(#)-8678423 to program your phone.”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “Press Pound-8678423 on the phone’s number pad.”

Caller: “I don’t see anything that says ‘Pound’.”

Me: “The Pound key looks like a tic-tac-toe. It’s the button right under the 9 key.”

Caller: “You mean I have to take apart my phone, pull off the numbers, and press this ‘Pound’ key to get the thing working?”

Me: “No, ma’am, don’t take the phone apart. The Pound key is below the 9 and to the right of the zero.”

Caller: “But I’m telling you, I can’t get to that key if it’s under the 9! I have to take the 9 off to see it!”

Do Not Pay Debts, Go Directly To Jail

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Criminal/Illegal

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite TV company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’ve bought some used equipment. I need to turn it on.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Could I have the serial number?”

(The serial number brings up an account in collections for over $800.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot activate your equipment until the previous owner closes his account. Can you contact him?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “He’s in jail in Mexico.”

For Flower Power, Press 1

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

(I am female, in my 20s, and the only employee at this flower shop. The owner is older than me, and also female. An elderly woman calls one morning.)

Me: “Hello, [florist].”

Elderly customer: “Hello, I was looking for an American flag to hang outside.”

Me: “Okay, we have several sizes and we carry both nylon and cotton flags.”

(I run through the sizes for her.)

Elderly customer: “I’m just not sure. Is there a man I can talk to?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Elderly customer: “A man. I want to ask him about flags.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, no men work here.”

Elderly customer: “I’ll just call back later…”

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