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    How To Strike Out 101

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (I’m female, and one day a male patron walked up to me.)

    Patron: “Can you look up information on gonorrhea for me?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    (I start searching in various databases when I suddenly feel the patron caressing my knee.)

    Patron: “You’re doing such a good job!”

    Me: “…”

    No Scam Like The Present

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like $10 on pump five.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer then gets out and starts walking to her car which is indeed on pump five… and then just drives off without pumping gas. I hold her $10 in case she comes back, and sure enough, she returns about an hour later.)

    Customer: *furious* “I can’t pump my gas, you little s***! You stole my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you left the money on your pump about an hour ago.”

    Customer: “I know! You were supposed to hold it for me. What kind of service is this that you won’t do that?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your money right here and can put it on the pump if you want.”

    Customer: “You d***ed better put that money on my pump…all $50 of it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you only gave me $10 for the pump.”

    Customer: “I so did not! I gave you $50. I have my receipt right here!”

    (The customer hands me a receipt that indeed says $50 dollars–but it’s dated from five months ago.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your receipt from today and it says $10. The receipt you handed me has a date from five months ago.”

    Customer: “You mean those receipts have dates on them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *runs out, leaving her $10 and never returning again*

    Related:
    Scamming In Plain Sight
    Plastic, Scamtastic
    Smile – You’re On Scam-Cam

    The Oracle At Register Five

    | Kansas, USA |

    (I’m helping out a backup cashier as he checks a customer out.)

    Me: “Corn is 4078.”

    Coworker: “Thanks!” *punches it in* “What are the melons?”

    Me: “4050.”

    Coworker: “Thanks!” *punches it in* “What’s watermelon?”

    Me: “4032.”

    Customer: “What’s the winning lottery numbers?”

    Me: “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be working here!”

    Customer: “It was worth a shot.”

    A Tale of Two Poultries, Two Meanings, And Two Hands

    | Moe, Australia |

    (It’s almost closing time at the supermarket deli. Two hot chickens are left and have been reduced to half price.)

    Male customer: “Can I please get the last 2 chickens?”

    (As I’m getting the chickens, a female customer rushes up to the deli counter.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me. I was here first, before, and I wanted one of those chickens.”

    Me: “Sorry…when I looked up, there was only one customer.”

    Female customer: “You had your head down before.”

    Me: “Well, I‚Äôm sorry. They‚Äôve been sold to this man, as he was the only customer here. Unless he‚Äôd like to let you have one?”

    Male customer: “No, I‚Äôd like them both, thanks.”

    Female customer: “I hope you choke on that chicken!” *storms out*

    Undeclared 4 Life

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I worked a phone counter during the commencement weekend in May, and this was a conversation between myself and a caller the day before graduation.)

    Me: “Hello, Commencement Help, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know something. Am I graduating tomorrow?”

    Me: “Uh…do you mean are you walking?”

    Caller: “No, I mean graduating.”

    Me: “What’s your major?”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “Well…what college are you in?”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “…do you know what school this is?”

    Caller: “…” *hangs up*

    Co-worker: *to me* “I bet he was wasted.”

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