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    South Of The Border Of Intelligence

    | Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I’ve just answered a customer’s question in Spanish. Another customer has apparently heard it.)

    Customer: “Wow, you don’t even look Mexican!

    Me: “Well, that’s because I’m not.”

    Customer: “But you just talked to that woman in Spanish!”

    Me: “My father is Puerto Rican, so I’m pretty fluent.”

    Customer: “You’re not Mexican?”

    Me: “No. I’m American. Shall we go ahead with your transaction?”

    Customer: “Wow. Your English is excellent. No trace of a Mexican accent.”

    Me: *jokingly* “Well, it’s pretty hard to have a Mexican accent if you’ve never been to Mexico.”

    Customer: *winking* “Right.” *looks around* “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

    Build Up Of Hot Air

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Math & Science, Uncategorized

    (Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

    Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

    Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”

    One Mother, One Cup

    | Springfield, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

    Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

    Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

    A Serious Case Of Old-Timers

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (I am cutting the hair of an 86 year old man. He asks if I’m from the area, and I tell him I live in an apartment building near by.)

    Customer: “So you live there with your husband?”

    Me: “I live there with my boyfriend and my best friend.”

    Customer: “You live with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “And you’re not married?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “But you live together?”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of that before.”

    Some Callers Are Proper Dementor

    | Racine, WI, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Top

    (I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”

    Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”

    Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”

    (There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)

    Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”

    (He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)

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