November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

No Reservations About Reservations

| Hamburg, Germany | Uncategorized

(The time is exactly 7:42pm.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like to make a reservation for two this evening, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. What time will you be back?”

Customer: “At a quarter to 8.”

(I wait to see if this is a joke.)

Me: “So, for right now?”

Customer: *completely deadpan* “Yes.”

This Refund Is Cut And Dried

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these flowers.”

Me: “Oh. Well, usually we don’t issue refunds for flowers. Can I ask what the problem is?”

Customer: “She said no.”

Me: “Let’s get you that refund.”

(Stereo)Typing With A Laptop

| West Palm Beach, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these porn sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”

(I chuckle in agreement.)

Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”

Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 3

| Silverdale, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like Swiss cheese, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take Provolone then.”

Me: “Sir, I just told you. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar. It is on the sign right here.”

Customer: “Then I’ll have Swiss.”

Me: “I think we have some in back. One moment.”

(My manager takes the American cheese into the back room. He cuts holes in a few of the slices, and brings them back out.)

Me: “Here you are. Swiss cheese.”

Customer: “I knew you guys always hid some in back!”

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2
A Hole In Your Thinking

Definitely Not In Pittsburgh

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to me while I’m stocking the shelves. She looks distraught.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I assist you in anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. My friend said he needs some more cheeseheads at his Super Bowl party. I can’t seem to find them. I found Cheese-Its, Cheese-Nips, but no heads. Where are they?”

Me: “Cheeseheads, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a nickname for Green Bay Packers fans.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, where can I find those?”