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    The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

    Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

    (About 10 minutes go by…)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Same customer: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”

    Not Berry Bright

    | Shelton, WA, USA |

    (A customer walks up to my berry stand and motions at a pack of strawberries.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. A pack is $11.”

    Customer: *hands me a dollar bill*

    Me: “Sorry, it’s $11 sir.”

    Customer:*hands me another dollar and looks at me expectantly*

    Me: “Well, I just need nine more of these.”

    Customer:*hands me another dollar bill*

    Me: “We’re getting there. Eight more.”

    Customer: *looks at me, confused, then walks away*

    Rapscallion Fun

    | Kent, UK |

    Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any scallions?”

    Me: “Oh yes, we do. They’re right here.”

    Customer: “No, not spring onions, scallions!”

    Me: “The two are the same thing. They just have different names.”

    Customer: “But do you have any scallions?”

    Me: “They’re right here!”

    Customer: “Those aren’t scallions, those are spring onions!”

    Me: “Give me a moment, let me check outside for you.”

    (I go out to the prep room, pick up a crate of spring onions, turn over the ticket and write ‘SCALLIONS’ on the front.)

    Me: “Here we are, the last box.”

    Customer: “Fantastic! Thank you so much!”

    (The customer filed a positive comment about me, and I got a pay rise!)

    In Desperate Need Of A Cellphone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I bought tickets online, but my printer doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, if you want, you can print it out here.”

    Customer: “Well, I actually brought my laptop.”

    (He shows me his laptop with the tickets on the screen.)

    Customer: “Can I get in with this?”

    Me: “Yeah, here are your wristbands.”

    Customer: “Okay thanks. Do I have to show my laptop at the gate or can I put it away?”

    Lack Of Grey Matter

    | Iceland |

    (Two teenage customers ask if I can find a film for a school project.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, do you have Casablanca?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I fetch the film*

    Customer #1: “Oh, it’s black and white?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer #2: “That’s no good! We don’t have a black and white TV, only color!”

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