Congra-duh-lations

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Top

(A customer comes to pick up her cake. I hand it to her and she starts to laugh.)

Customer: “You’ve spelled this wrong, honey.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can fix it for you right away. How do you spell the name?”

Customer: “The name is right. It’s ‘Congratulations’ you’ve spelled wrong.”

(I look at the cake but see no error.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see a mistake.”

Customer: “Right here. You’ve spelled it with a ‘t’ instead of a ‘d’. It’s okay. You can just give me a discount and I’ll go on with it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not authorized to give discounts.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

(Long story short, we ended up having to find a dictionary to prove I had spelled it right. She didn’t get a discount.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13

| NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking an order from a customer.)

Me: “I have a credit card on file for you. It is a card ending in 4312. Should we use that one?”

Caller: “I have no idea whose card that is, so charge that one.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Attack Of The O’Hooligans

, | Foley, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?

Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”

Me: “Well, what did she do?”

Customer: “Her hair is green!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”

Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”

(The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)

Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”

Their Business Days Are Numbered

| American Fork, UT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling! Can I have your customer ID number, please?”

Caller: “I don’t have that. Can I give you the business name?”

Me: “Do you have your program open? I can actually tell you how to find your customer ID number.”

Caller: “No, but I have the address.”

Me: “Do you have the phone number by chance? That usually brings it up.”

Caller: “No, but I have the customer number. Will that help?”

Me: “Yes, the customer number would be very helpful…”

Shouldn’t Have Rented Conspiracy Theory

, | Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”

Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”

Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”

Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”

Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”

Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”

Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”

Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”

Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*

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