Illegalize Stupidity

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink

Guest #1: “What’s a Flaming Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “It’s a shot of Amaretto topped with Bacardi 151 and set on fire. You drop it into half a beer and chug it. It tastes just like a Dr. Pepper.”

Guest #1: “We’ll take two.”

Me: “Sorry, since they’re on fire, we can’t serve them. It violates city fire code.”

Guest #2: “C’mon, we want to try it.”

(I explain that if they drink them at the bar in front of me I’ll allow it. I pour the half beers, the shot of Amaretto, and top it with the 151. I place all this in front of them and light the shots on fire.)

Guest #1: “Now what?”

Me: “Hold the beer in one hand and the shot in the other.”

(They do so.)

Me: “Now drop the shot.”

Guest #1: “Drop the shot?”

Me: “Drop the shot.”

(Guest #2 drops the shot in the beer and begins to chug as instructed. Guest #1 misunderstands and drops the shot on the bar, spilling the now flaming shot all over the counter. The Bacardi, as well as the flames, spread. I put it out but it takes a few moments and it is a little frightening.)

Me: “Now, do we know why they are illegal to serve?”

And I Live On Mt. Soh-Cah-Doh-ah

| Worcester, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

Me: “It’s a continent.”

Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

Full Of Soda And Fury, Signifying Nothing

| Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a fast food restaurant in a food court in a mall. Our kid meals come in “to go” bags, regardless if the order is to go, or not. A mother comes up to my register and orders two kids meals bags to go.)

Me: “Here is your order. Do you want any sauces or ketchup?”

Customer: “I said I wanted this to go.”

(I look down at her order a bit confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want a cup carrier for the drinks?”

Customer: “No, stupid! I want to have a to go bag for my food.”

Me: “But your food is in bags.”

Customer: “Just give me a d*** bag.”

(I give the mother two of our biggest bags which are the same size as the kids meal bags.)

Customer: “I only need one!”

(The customer shoves the two kids meals into the one bag and crams the drinks in as well. To top it off, she rolls the tops of the bag down, further crushing the drinks. Then, she shoves the entire mess into her large purse.)

Customer: “See! Look how much of an idiot you are!”

(She walks away in a huff, with her purse dripping soda behind her.)

Page 1,689/2,706First...1,6871,6881,6891,6901,691...Last