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  • Latte In The Translation

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I want a vanilla iced latte.”

    Cashier: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I make the drink for the customer and give it to her.)

    Me: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What is this? It isn’t a vanilla iced latte!”

    Me: “Yes it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What? No! I said I wanted a vanilla iced LA…TEA!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean… we do have iced tea.”

    Customer: “I wanted a LA-TEA!”

    Customer’s husband: “She wants an iced coffee.”

    Customer: “Yes! Why are you people so stupid?! I always say the wrong thing. You should know by now what I want!”

    Putting Your Foot In It

    | Australia |

    (My friend and I are door-knocking to raise money for a charity.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, we’re collecting for [charity]. Would you like to donate?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, sure!”

    Me: “Thank you, we really appreciate it!”

    Customer: *pauses and suddenly glares* “Don’t look at my feet.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “You heard!”

    (We can’t help it and sneak a look at her feet. She is wearing frog slippers.)

    Customer: “DON’T F***ING LOOK AT MY FEET!”

    How About Some TechiFlu

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I had my computer looked at there, and you guys said that it’s running slow because there are probably bugs in it. Well, I sprayed some bug spray in it and now it won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when they tell you bugs, they mean computer viruses, not an actual bug.”

    Customer: “Well, what can I spray it with to get rid of the viruses?”

    Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

    , | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

    Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

    Me: “49.”

    Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

    Me: “64.”

    Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

    Me: “What about it?”

    Customer: “What does it mean?”

    Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

    Customer: “Uhm…”

    Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

    A Sign Of A Long Day

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | Top

    (Note: I am a self-checkout attendant.)

    Customer: “Miss, my debit card doesn’t seem to be working.”

    Me: “Are you sure you’re swiping it the right way?”

    Customer: “Which way is the right way?”

    Me: “Stripe facing outward.”

    Customer: “Miss, it’s still not working!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that debit machine is currently out of order.”

    Customer: “I want to use this one. Why isn’t this one working?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we called tech support. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to suspend your order and–”

    Customer: “It’s your responsibility to put up signs if something isn’t working! I want to speak to your store manager.”

    Me: “There’s no sign on that machine? I’m sure I put them up just a couple of minutes ago.”

    Customer: “Do you SEE a sign?”

    (I walk over to the machine, and see the sign laying by the customers feet on the floor. It was clearly ripped off of the machine, as it’s half torn.)

    Me: “Hmm, I’m terribly sorry sir. It seems someone ripped the sign off.”

    Customer: “Yeah, that was me.”

    Me: “Can I ask why?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t.”

    Me: “Why would you use this machine is you had seen and read the sign, stating that the debit machine wasn’t working?”

    Customer: “Because there was no sign!”

    Me: “But you ripped the sign off.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so now that it’s not there anymore the debit machine should be working! Forget this! I’m going to another store!”

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