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    Now I (Don’t) Know My ABCs

    | Oregon, USA |

    Me: “I just need you to type in ‘Http’.”


    Me: “H like hotel, t like tom, t like tom, p like papa.”

    Caller: “Htcp?”

    Me: “Almost. H like hotel, T like Tom, T like Tom, P like Papa.”

    Caller: “Chtc?”

    Me: “Our connection must be rough.” *very slowly* “H like hoooteeel, T like Tommm, T like Tommm, P like Paaapaaa.”

    Caller: “Oh! Ghtc!”

    Me: “Let me send you a link.”

    Short Changing Your Mind

    | New Zealand | Top

    Me: “Hello, sir.”

    Customer: “I want tobacco.”

    Me: “What type?”

    Customer: “Tobacco for smoking. I want five packets.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s $144.”

    Customer: “Can you make it $150? I only have fifties.”

    Me: “We do have change.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want change.”

    Me: “Okay, then…that’s $150.”

    (The customer starts to leave, but suddenly turns around and faces me.)

    Customer: “Where’s my change, b****?!”

    Hopefully, Acts Of God Are Covered

    | Puyallup, WA, USA |

    Me: “Would you like to get a protection plan? Just in case anything happens to your GPS.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll just pray over it. The blood of Jesus is the best protection there is.”

    Use Of Technology Is Undeveloped

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (A customer brings in an SD card. He wants to transfer the files onto a CD.)

    Customer: “Miss, how many photos can I put on a CD?”

    Me: “It depends on the size of the files.”

    Customer: “4×6 inches. They’re all the same. I just want to know how many will go on one CD.”

    Me: “That’s a print size, not a file size. We can usually fit between 200 and 400 photos onto a single CD.”

    Customer: “No. It should always be the same. There’s only one size of picture!”

    Me: “No, sir. It can change depending on the camera settings. A high-resolution picture will take up more information space, even if it’s physically the same size.”

    Customer: “Don’t you go throwing all that fancy computer talk around. I just want to put these on a CD, as plain old 4×6 pictures. I don’t want any computers involved!”

    This Game Has Been Well Trade

    | NM, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a customer for his game trade-in. It’s a rather old game.)

    Me: “Alright. You’ll be getting $5 store credit, or $3 cash.”

    Customer: “What! I paid $50 for that game 4 years ago!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s a little scratched. A few sequels have also come out since then.”

    Customer: “I want at least $30 for it.”

    Me: “If you were a customer, would you pay $30 for this old game?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why would you expect anyone else to?”

    (The customer stares at me dumbfounded. He then asks for his $3.)

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