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    Six Feet Blunder

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “How much for two graves?”

    Me: “Spaces are $900 each, ma’am, so $1800 for two.”

    Customer: “There’s no discount for buying more than one?”

    Me: “No ma’am, because we’re deeding you the property, we have to treat each space separately.”

    Customer: “So, what if I buy five graves?”

    Me: “Because the spaces are $900 each, five would cost $4,500.”

    Customer: “Never mind, I don’t want to go in the ground anyway. What about those little crypt thingies that look like New Orleans graves?”

    Me: “A personal mausoleum crypt for two people runs at $13,000 including the name plating and vases.”

    (The customer inspects our display model.)

    Customer: “This thing’s pretty big. I’ll just buy this double one, and there will be enough space for all six of us.”

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. This is for two people. There is only space for two, not six.”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid! You people are trying to rip me off! I’ll just tell my kids to put me in the backyard next to the hamster!”

    Disco Stu Does Not Approve

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A man walks into our crowded coffee shop and yells at the top of his lungs.)

    Man: “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”

    Supervisor: “Oh no, it’s a robbery!” *begins to call security*

    Man: “…on the DANCE FLOOR!”

    (The man then “dances” up to the front, past shocked customers, grabs a bottle of water, and “dances” out of the store. Security nabs him outside the door.)

    Do As I Say, Not As I Say

    | Greensboro, NC, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a customer and her child.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *doesn’t answer*

    Customer’s child: “HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    Customer’s child: HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    (I do this a few more times with the child while I finish ringing up the items. I turn to the customer again, thinking she didn’t hear me the first time.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: *messes in her bag and ignores me*

    Me: “Ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: “You know why I’m not answering you? Because you were too busy talking to speak to my child!”

    Me: “I did respond to her…several times, in fact.”

    Customer: “You did not!”

    Me: “I assure you I did. I looked right at her, and she was looking at me.”

    Customer: “Well, she must not have heard you or she wouldn’t have repeated herself so many times. Next time stop chatting and do your job!”

    Can’t Help Flailing In Love

    | Burnsville, MN, USA |

    (Note: I’m a teenage girl volunteering at a concert venue. A male teenage customer approaches my concession stand.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like some water.”

    Me: “Okay, let me grab some from the fridge.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (The customer pays and leaves, only to come back a few minutes later to buy some more water. He continues to do this nine more times.)

    Me: “Must be really thirsty tonight, huh?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “You’ve just bought quite a bit of water. There is a drinking fountain over there, you know.”

    Customer: *stares at me dead in the eyes*

    Me: “Is it hot outside or something?”

    Customer: “Wanna see how long I can spin around on this stool?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Will you time me?”

    Me: “Well, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Okay, go!”

    (The boy then proceeds to fall off the chair and go flailing onto the floor.)

    Me: “Oh, my god! Are you alright?”

    Customer: “You’re cute.”

    Me: “Um, that’s flattering. Are you okay?”

    Customer: “I wanna be your boyfriend!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3

    | San Marcos, TX, USA |

    Me: “This is Internet tech support. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Uhm, yeah. I have a problem with my computer.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “There is a big vagina on the screen and I can’t get it off.”

    Me: “That would be an advanced support question. One moment while I transfer you…”

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

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