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    Food Chain Brain Drain

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

    Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

    Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

    Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
    can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

    Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

    Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

    Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

    Customer: “O. M. G.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I get them?”

    Me: “Um, who?”

    Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

    Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

    Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

    Me: “Um…what?”

    Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

    Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

    Me: “…”

    If You Can’t Beat Them, Annoy Them

    | Missouri, USA |

    (The customer had demanded a supervisor, and I was the supervisor who took this call.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hi, my name is ****, supervisor on the floor, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My internet is down and I need it up now! Your stupid agent told me I have an appointment for tomorrow morning! What YOU need to do is give me one today!”

    (I check the schedule and there is nothing available.)

    Me: “I do apologize ma’am, but it seems that we don’t have anyone available for today. But, it looks like we have someone coming out tomorrow morn–”

    Customer: “I don’t care about tomorrow! I want someone today! Either you cancel someone else’s appointment and give me one today, or I will stay on this phone until you decide to! And I know you can’t hang up on me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you’re frustrated, but there is no way for me to get you an appointment today.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess it sucks for you then, huh? I’m not hanging up this phone.”

    Me: “Even if you stay on, it won’t change the appointments. We are overbooked today.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess you’re not getting anything done today! Since I can’t do anything, you won’t either. Your work will never be done!”

    Me: “OK, you can stay on the phone. How are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Horrible!”

    Me: “I’m doing fine myself.”

    Customer: “…so when’s my appointment for tomorrow?”

    Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

    Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

    Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

    Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

    (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

    Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

    Plastic, Scamtastic

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Three sandwiches.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me*

    (I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.)

    Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!”


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