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    On A Tight Leash

    | Albany, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my cable box is doing that tiling thing.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Let’s try and reboot the box. I need you to unplug it.”

    Customer: “My wife is recording a show. Will that be affected?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, yes. If you unplug the box, the DVR will stop recording.”

    Customer: “Do you think I should should wait, and call back later when it’s done?”

    Me: *chuckles* “That depends on how much trouble you’ll get in with your wife.”

    Customer: *laughs nervously* “Yeah, you’re right. She’ll lock me in the basement again…I’ll wait, thank you.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    He’s Got The Look

    | Ireland |

    Male Customer: “Excuse me, could I get some boyfriend jeans?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “You know, the baggy jeans – ‘boyfriend’ jeans.” *looks at me like I’m stupid*

    Me: “You mean…normal jeans?”

    Customer: *adamantly* “NO! My girlfriend calls them ‘boyfriend’ jeans.”

    Me: “She’s female…for guys they’re just ‘jeans’…”

    Customer: “Well, whatever they are, can you get me a pair?”

    Now In Original & Extra Bandwidth Flavor

    | Austin, TX, USA |

    (I work at a sandwich place, where we have signs up promoting free Wi-Fi. A uninformed lady comes in to the store.)

    Lady: *looking the menu over and over* “How big is the serving of free Wi-Fi?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

    Lady: “The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion? Can I pay extra and get a bigger one to share with my husband, or can we get two cups for free?”

    Me: “The Wi-Fi is a signal for computers that can connect to the internet wirelessly…it isn’t something edible.”

    (She looks around for a long time, checks her phone and then walks out.)

    I Shall Call Them…Mini-Mes

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Customer: *whispers* “Could I have six…no, make that eight ladybugs please?”

    Me: “You only need eight ladybugs? Or eight boxes? We sell them in boxes of one hundred.”

    Customer: “Yes, just eight individual ladybugs. And could you please keep your voice down?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t open a box to give you just eight. The rest would all fly away.”

    Customer: “Well, then I’ll take a box. ”

    (I ring her up and she takes the box of ladybugs over to one of our picnic tables. She takes one ladybug, whispers to it and then flings it into the air.)

    Customer: “HEAR MY WORDS AND DO MY BIDDING!”

    (After several more ladybugs have been released she brings the box back over.)

    Customer: “I’m not going to need the rest of these. You can keep them here.”

    Me: “Ma’am, can I ask what you asked those ladybugs to do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, ladybugs eat other bugs, which means they’re meat eaters! So I gave them the names and addresses of people I hate. That way, they can get a swarm of them and attack! If they eat meat then it’s just a matter of time before a whole bunch of them will eat a whole person!”

    Speechless In Savannah

    | Savannah, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, sir. This is Kristy and I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

    Customer: “Can I ask your name?”

    Me: “Um, Kristy?”

    Customer: “Well Kristy, I’m Steve. We’ve never met, but I can tell by your voice that you’re a beautiful person with pretty eyes. And I’m going to tell you that in the years you work at that store, one day a guy will come in and it might be me, but I won’t tell you my name so you’ll never know it was me and you’ll always think, ‘I wonder if that was that Steve guy?’ But if you guess, I’ll take you out to dinner. You have a good day now.”

    Me: “…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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