October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Try Calling Nine-One-Number-Two

| Delano, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I need help, Hurry, Hurry!” *hangs up*

(I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent, this is what I am told happened:)

(The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

(The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

| UK | Uncategorized

(A respectable looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

A Grave Realization

| Eureka, KS, USA | Uncategorized

(After a fellow waitress had passed away, we had just returned from her funeral.)

Customer: “Oh my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”

A Pregnant Pause For Thought

| Norwich, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

D’ohpe, Part 2

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

(I’m a criminal lawyer at a free legal service. I am talking to a client on a DUI.)

Me: “…so, after the guilty plea I make submissions to try and minimise the penalty.”

Client: “You want an excuse or something?”

Me: “Well, actually there’s no excuse or defence under our law, but maybe if we submit your circumstances we can ask for the lesser end of the penalty.”

Client: *in all seriousness* “Well, tell them I wasn’t thinking straight cause of all the dope I’d smoked.”


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