One You Suck And One Is Blow

| Texas, USA | Criminal/Illegal

(Our store sells tons of marijuana inspired products, but we are not a head shop. A man approaches the counter with one of our huge tower incense burners.)

Customer: “Yeah, I smoke a lot of weed.”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, will this be it for today?”

Customer: *ignoring my question* “Nah, I don’t smoke weed anymore. My job won’t let me!”

Me: “Those darn drug tests, huh?”

Customer: “Yeah. I switched to cocaine, because it goes out of your system in a couple days!”

Me: *speechless*

(The man continues to laugh about this and walks nonchalantly out of the store with his wife and children.)

There’s A Vacancy In Your Head

| Bristol, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

Customer: “Do you have any room?”

Me: “Nope, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Is that what the ‘No Vacancy’ sign means?”

Me: “Why yes…yes it is.”

Sweet (Some) Home Alabama

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I am running my register and I overhear the manager talking to some customers nearby.)

Manager: “So, where are you from?”

Customer: “Well, originally, I’m from Alabama.”

Manager: “Oh, really? What part of Alabama?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know, I’m horrible with directions.” *turns to her husband* “Honey, what part of Alabama am I from?”

Ice And A Side Of Chill Pill

, | UK | Food & Drink, Top

(Note: I am working in a drive thru.)

Me: “Hello, can I take your order?”

(I hear the customer sigh. They then carry on talking to a friend.)

Me: “Hello, can I take an order please?”

Customer: “God! One minute please! Can’t a person just have some peace without being pestered for money?”

Me: “Um, sir, you’ve driven up to the drive thru speaker. I assumed you’d wish to order. If not, you should have gone into the car park.”

Customer: “You’re being extremely rude. And how did you know I was a man?”

Me: “There is a camera facing you, sir. I didn’t mean to come across as rude, but you are causing a queue, so if you do not plan to order, please leave the queue.”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine.”

(He gives an incredibly long order, with special requests. I read the order back to him to verify that it is correct.)

Me: “Okay, if that order is complete, check the screen and come to the window.”

Customer: “God, what took you so long?! *throws change on the counter and drives off*

(Ten minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “I am not happy!”

Me: “What’s the problem with your order, si–”

Customer: “I specifically asked for coke with no ice, and you put it in wrong! Guess what? There’s ice in my coke!”

Me: “Sir, I read the order back to you twice and then asked you to check the screen to ensure it was correct.”

Customer: “Well you serve people everyday. You should have been able to guess from experience that I didn’t want ice. My demeanor made it very obvious!”

Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer, Part 2

, | Nebraska, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Your total will be [total price].”

Customer: “That seems a little high. Were the Imaginext items buy one, get one free?”

(I check the items and see if they’re scanning correctly in the register.)

Me: “Yes, they are, but you have 3 Imaginext items and one non-Imaginext item, so that won’t ring up on sale.”

Customer: “Well, they’re all in the same aisle!”

Me: “Well, yes, but just because one item is on sale doesn’t mean everything in the aisle is on sale as well.”

Customer: “Well, you should put that on your signs!”

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Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

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