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    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes up to the register with nothing but a coupon.)

    Customer: “Can I use this? It says $15.”

    Me: “Yes, that will get you $15 off anything in the store.”

    Customer: “Okay. I want to use it.”

    Me: “No problem. Just go ahead and shop around for whatever you’d like, and then I’ll apply the coupon when you check out.”

    Customer: “It says fifteen dollars. I can get fifteen dollars?”

    Me: “This is a coupon, so the fifteen dollars will be deducted from the price of whatever you purchase.”

    Customer: “Fifteen dollars?”

    Me: “Yes sir, all you have to do is go pick out what you’d like.”

    Customer: “I want fifteen dollars.”

    Me: “I understand, but to get the fifteen dollars off, you must purchase something here.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Do you have an idea of what you were looking for? I can direct you to the right section.”

    Customer: “Fifteen… dollars?”

    Me: “Yes. Fifteen dollars.”

    (The customer turns around and slowly wanders out of the store.)

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

    Doesn’t See The Point Of No Return

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (The library has a return window which patrons can drive up to in order to return or check out materials. The patron in question has just placed their video in the return drawer.)

    Me: “Thank you, please have a nice day.”

    Patron: “Hey, what would happen if I put a hamburger in there?”

    Me: “We would prefer you didn’t, sir.”

    Phoning, But There Is Nobody Home

    | GA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “So, I need to get you off your cell phone so we can put a lock code on it. Then people can’t use it without your permission.”

    Customer: “Okay. That would be good.”

    Me: “Do you have another line I can call you on?”

    Customer: “My boyfriend’s phone is right here.”

    Me: “What’s his number?”

    (She gives me the number.)

    Me: “Okay. I’m going to call you on his phone. Don’t hang up until we get on that line.”

    (I put her on hold and call the phone. Nobody answers. I check back on her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I think I have that number wrong. Can you give it to me again?”

    (She gives me the exact same number.)

    Me: “Okay. I called you on that number and nobody answered.”

    Customer: “Well, it rang but I didn’t answer it. I wasn’t sure who was calling.”

    The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy, Part 2

    | Essex, UK | Uncategorized

    (The pub has a special offer selling pints of ale for the price of a half-pint.)

    Customer: “Can I have a pint of ale, please?”

    Me: “There you go. That’s £1.”

    Customer: “But, your sign says that a pint costs the same as a half-pint.”

    Me: “It is. A pint is usually £2.”

    Customer: “That is a rip-off. A pint should cost £1 anyway.”

    Me: “I assure you that a pint is usually £2.”

    Customer: “Forget this. I didn’t come in here to be conned. Just get me a half-pint instead.”

    (I pour half of the pint into a half-pint glass.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “That’s better. How much is it?”

    Me: “It’s £1.”

    (The customer pays, picks up his drink and walks off happy.)

    The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

    As Blank As His Brain

    | CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am trying to help a customer retrieve a lost page on his website.)

    Customer: “So, why was my page lost in the first place?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure, sir. What were you doing before you lost the page?”

    Customer: “I was editing it.”

    Me: “Okay, what part did you edit?”

    Customer: “Well, I edited the heading, and I noticed the page was blank when I was scrolling down.

    Me: “So, why did you click save?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought it would just pop back up.”

    Me: “No, sir. You just saved a blank page over what you had, and erased everything.”

    Customer: “Well, you guys should put that in big bold letters at the top of the page. ‘Don’t save page if main area is blank!’.”

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