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    My Biggest And Loudest Fan

    | Florida, USA | Top

    (I worked for a university, calling alumni to ask for donations.)

    Alumnus: *on the phone* “Do they monitor your calls there?”

    Me: “Sometimes. That’s how they evaluate me.”

    Alumnus: “Are they monitoring this call right now?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; it’s at random times to keep me on my toes.”

    Alumnus: “Well, just in case – SHE’S DOING A GREAT F***ING JOB, BIG BROTHER!”

    Reach Out And Touch Someone’s Nerve

    | Canada |

    Me: *on the phone* “Good morning, **** speaking.”

    Customer: “I need to speak to a computer technician.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but nobody’s in right now. We don’t open for another 20 minutes or so. Did you want to try calling back in about half an hour?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “… um, OK. Can I take a message for them to call you back?”

    Customer: “No! I called NOW, so I want to talk to a computer technician NOW!”

    Me: “…but there’s nobody in to take your call.”

    Customer: “I need to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “Uh, why?”

    Customer: *angry* “I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE OPEN BY ANSWERING YOUR F***ING PHONE!”

    Me: “So…you would’ve been happier if nobody answered?”

    Customer: “OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!”

    Me: “I think I do. Bye now!” *click*

    America’s Next Top Model Customer

    | Montreal, Canada |

    (The cashier I was bagging for is a very pretty blonde girl who likes to make herself up, while I’m a fairly plain and simple girl.)

    Customer: *to cashier* “Oh, my, you’re beautiful! You’ll have it made; you’ll have everything you’ll ever wanted. You’ll do well in life.”

    (The customer then looks at me and pauses.)

    Customer: “…you? You’ll do all right…”

    Me: “…”

    Day Trippy

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How many books of these stamps?”

    (As I ask the customer this, “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles begins playing on a nearby radio.)

    Lady: “Oh my gosh! I love this song!”

    Me: “That’s great. Now, how many books of–”

    Lady: *begins to dance towards the door*

    Me: “Uh, okay ma’am, don’t forget your–”

    Lady: *dances out of post office, leaving her purse on the table and the rest of the customers confused*

    A Flock Of Explorers On A Safari Singing Opera

    | Wales, UK |

    Me: “Alright, so what browser are you using to view your websites?”

    Customer: “Mozzarella Firefox!”


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