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    27 Stresses

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Top

    (It is prom season. We have a lot of girls coming in to try on dresses. Three girls have been trying on heaps of dresses. They finally select the ones they want.)

    Me: “I see you’ve made your final selection! If you just bring them to the register, I’ll be happy to ring you up.”

    (Their mother walks over.)

    Mother: “Oh, what lovely dresses!”

    Girl: “Yeah. We had to go through a lot of dresses before we found anything decent.”

    (The mother gets a weird look on her face.)

    Mother, to me: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Mother: “Are those the dressing rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Mother: “Do you mind if I run in there for a minute?”

    Me: “Go ahead!”

    (The mother walks in, and sees all the dresses on the floor of the dressing rooms. She comes out fuming.)

    Mother: “You girls march right in there, pick up every dress, and hang them back up! Right now!”

    Girl: “Why? It’s her job!”

    Mother: “I did not raise a bunch of pigs! Get in there now, or you won’t be going to prom!”

    Data Protection Can Be Hellish

    | Champaign, IL, USA |

    (I notice a very well dressed woman checking out laptops.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. Could you tell me about the facial password feature on these laptops?”

    Me: “Sure. Certain laptops we carry can use the webcam to recognize several facial features unique to each person. Eye distance, mouth width, things like that.”

    Customer: “Well then, that’s it.”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “The apocalypse is coming.”

    Me: “The apocalypse?”

    Customer: “Yes. See, the Bible says that when the government starts taking over our personal lives, the apocalypse will come.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this has nothing to do with the government. It’s just another security feature.”

    (She pats me on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “That’s okay, son. I speak to God every day. I’m glad to know that when I’m up in heaven, you’ll be down here burning in hell.”

    Gender Fender Bender

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to return this card.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I bought it for my wife’s birthday. It’s a very nice card, but I missed the last line.”

    (I look at the card, and it reads ‘to the man I love’. The refund was given.)

    This Problem Has Been Addressed

    | Annapolis, MD, USA |

    Customer: “I haven’t been receiving my coupons in the mail! I want you to fix it!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me look you up in our system.”

    (The customer isn’t coming up under the phone number, last name, or zip code.)

    Customer: “Oh. When I signed up, I didn’t put that info down.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you guys mailing me junk!”

    Air Head Venting

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Caller: “Yeah, the vents just turned on really suddenly.”

    Me: “The vents turned on suddenly?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that a problem? Are you too hot or cold?”

    Caller: “No, at the moment I’m fine.”

    Me: “So, do you want to give me a call back if there’s a problem?”

    Caller: “Sure thing. I’ll keep an eye on the situation.”

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