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    To Serve Man

    | Northridge, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (A male customer approaches the cash register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What did you say to me?”

    Me: “Um, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “You…help me? How can you…help me? YOU?”

    Me: “Um, yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

    Customer: “You can’t help me!”

    Me: “Okay, why not?”

    Customer: “Because I don’t need YOUR help!”

    Me: “Okay, what what do you want me to do? I’m the only one working here.”

    Customer: “I want you to ask me, ‘How may I serve you?'”

    Me: “Um, no.”

    Customer: *cusses up a storm and leaves*

    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3

    | Bethlehem, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A mother, daughter, and a son who looks to be around 15 years old are sitting near the door. As they are getting ready to leave, the son wanders over to the door. In very large, clear letters, the door says “Emergency Door Only” and “Alarm Will Sound If Door Is Opened”. He looks up, sees the sign, and without hesitating, he opens the door. Sure enough, the alarm sounds.)

    Me: “Sir, why did you open the fire door?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know it was an alarm door! How the h*** was I supposed to know!?”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

    Parenting Requires Teamwork, Sometimes Involuntary

    | Australia | Family & Kids

    (A mother is chasing her 5 year old around the store because he can’t have what he wants. After chasing him for a few seconds and yelling at him, she turns to me.)

    Customer: “Can you tell my son you don’t want him in your store?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know if that would–”

    Customer, to her son: “See! The man says you’re bad and have to get out of the store!”

    Son: *leaves quietly*

    Me: *speechless*

    Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am a supervisor at a hotel in the Canadian Rockies. This particular day, I am on duty alone and on the phone with a caller when this takes place.)

    Guest: *shouting* “Call 911 now!”

    (I glance up from the phone call to see that a guest has collapsed in the lobby.)

    Me, on the phone: “There is an emergency and I need to put you on hold.”

    (I put him on hold to call 911. I alert the paramedics and begin first aid on the fallen guest. In the meantime, my boss goes behind the desk to assist other clients. He notices there is a call on hold and picks up.)

    Boss: “Yes, sir. I understand, sir, however, there is a legitimate emergency taking place in the lobby as I speak which she had to attend to.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “Yes, I understand your time is important, as is your business, however, I am sure you can appreciate why she was called away so abruptly.”

    Caller: *inaudible*

    Boss: “That’s fine, sir, you can have your lawyer contact us if you deem it necessary.”

    A Shake As Thick As Your Skull

    , | Melbourne, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like to order two large chocolate thickshakes, but I don’t want them to be too thick.”

    Me: “Well, would you like milkshakes then?”

    Customer: “No, I want thickshakes. Just don’t make them too thick.”

    Me: “Well, milkshakes are less thick versions of–”

    Customer: *explodes* “NO! I WANT THICKSHAKES!”

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