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    Act Blustery, Get Flustered

    | Tucson, AZ, USA |

    (I’m 15 and work at the hospital gift shop. An RN comes to my register with three sets of wind chimes.)

    Me: “Will that be all for you today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    Me: “Okay, your total is $50 even.”

    Customer: “You didn’t give me my discount.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, I’m new at this. Let me just void this transaction and start over.”

    Customer: “Fine!”

    (For some reason, the cash register, which is older than my 15-year-old-self, won’t allow me to void the transaction. I keep trying for around a minute.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is taking so long?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m having some trouble with the register.”

    Customer: “Well, hurry it up, will you? I have a patient I need to get back to!”

    (The line behind her is getting large and I’m getting very close to tears. Suddenly, another customer chimes in.)

    Customer behind her: “If you’ve got a patient, what the h*** are you doing buying wind chimes?”

    Customer: *gets flustered and leaves both her wind chimes and credit card behind*

    An Open(ed) and Shut Case

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this DVD player.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We actually can’t do a return on opened merchandise.”

    Customer: “This isn’t open.”

    Me: “It’s been opened and re-taped.”

    Customer: “Why would you think that?”

    Me: “Because no manufacturers use duct tape to seal boxes.”

    Customer: “So you’re calling me a liar?”

    Me: “I’m not trying to, but this has obviously been opened and re-taped and therefore can’t be returned.”

    Customer: “What do you know? Where’s your manager?”

    (I call my manager and he tells the customer the same things I told her and points out the duct tape. She starts cursing and pounding her fist the counter. My manager finally gives in just to get the customer out of the store. 20 minutes pass and the phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you calling ****. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I returned a DVD player 20 minutes ago and forgot my DVD in it.”

    Can’t See The Forest For Los Arboles

    | Arizona, USA | Top

    Me: “Gracias por llamar a [company name], en que le puedo asistir hoy?”

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, your call came in through the Spanish line. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “I speak English ma’am, You must have pressed the Spanish option through the automated system, but I will be more than happy to help you.”

    Caller: “What was that you were speaking before?”

    Me: “Spanish.”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I speak English as well. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *slowly* “I want to talk to somebody in the United
    States who speaks English!”

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company name], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    It’s Either Bob Barker Blue Or Drew Carey Blue

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cosmetics], this is ***, how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for a nail polish.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?

    Caller: “Did you watch The Price is Right the other day?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Caller: “They had this blue car on there, and I want that color for my nail polish.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see it. Could you tell me what type of blue this was? Perhaps a medium or bright blue?”

    Caller: “It was a car blue.”

    Me: “I see. I’m not sure what that means, so I can’t really help you. You could always come in and look around.”

    Caller: “Well, how many blues do you have? I don’t want to waste my time!”

    Me: “We have many different choices, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Right, but I want the blue from The Price Is Right!”

    We Want Your Braaaiiins

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (A subject is speaking with me about a sleep-study we were doing.)

    Subject: “So I’ll just have to go to sleep for the study, right?”

    Me:: “That’s correct. We’re just using those scanning machines to test brain function during REM sleep.”

    Subject: *suddenly fearful* “You expect me to sleep with those machines cutting into my brain?!”

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