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    Sweater Mystery Unravels

    | USA | Top

    (I am working at the customer service desk. A conservatively dressed woman in her early sixties walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “Just a return.”

    (She pulls out a very garish holiday sweater, covered entirely in bright red sequins.)

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I just must have been really f****** high when I bought it. Look at it! It’s hideous! I don’t even remember buying this thing. I must have been really baked. D***, this is an ugly sweater!”

    Must Have Settled On Salt & Whinegar

    | Oakland, CA, USA |

    (I am working the register. A customer is looking at our retail chips stacked in front of me.)

    Customer: “I don’t like this flavor.”

    (She picks up a bag of sea salt chips.)

    Customer: “I don’t like this kind either. It’s too salty.”

    (She grabs a bag of jalapeno chips.)

    Customer: “These ones are too spicy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or so. She eventually finds something she likes and places it at the register.)

    Me: “Hi there. How are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t complain.”

    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 7

    | West Bath, ME, USA |

    (A customer is calling to complain. Whenever he connects to the internet, he receives a ‘no dial tone’ message.)

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the modem?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in.”

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the wall?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in to the wall.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure what it is. You should be able to connect to the internet.”

    Caller: “Do they both have to be plugged in at the same time?”

    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

    Forget The Coupon, Just Wing It

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve got coupon for 12 wings free. But, it says it excludes boneless wings. So, I was wondering if I could place an order and get the boneless wings free.”

    Me: “Sir, if it says it excludes the boneless wings, then I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Oh. So, even if I cross it off, it won’t work?”

    Ironing Out Some Laundry Stereotypes

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Top

    (I am sitting in a laundromat, waiting for my laundry. An irate customer approaches me while I am reading a book.)

    Customer: “Can you help?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Can you help me with this machine? I don’t think it’s working properly.”

    Me: “I can take a look, but I don’t know too much about these things.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “How is it that you don’t know how these machines work? What kind of lazy employee are you? You just sit here reading a book when customers are struggling?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to do my laundry like you are.”

    Customer: “This is the worst experience I’ve ever had here! Where are your parents? I need to complain to them.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m 25 years old and my Korean parents live in New Jersey. There is a nice Chinese family that owns this business. They might be able to help you better than I can.”

    Customer: “But don’t you all know how to fix these things?”

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