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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Um, hi…uh…do you by any chance have a twin?”

    Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

    Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

    Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not you, I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

    Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

    (I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***, how’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh ***, there you are! We we just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

    Related:
    Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent

    Ah, Mothers, Part 3

    | Morristown, TN, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a friend to translate for her, since she does not speak very good English.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hello. You remember me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t. I see a lot of people every day.”

    Customer: “Well, you remember my daughter, right?”

    Me: “No, I don’t…sorry. Is she with you?”

    Customer: “No, but you two would look good together!”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, but I’m engaged.”

    Customer: “You gay? I sorry! Sorry!”

    Customer’s friend: *translating* “No, he said engaged.”

    Customer: “Oh, you getting married. Well she no care if you married. She very pretty, and tall!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    In Soviet America, Product Buys You

    | Canada |

    Me: “Hey there, can I help you out?”

    Customer: “Were these products on Oprah?”

    Me: “Yes, they’ve been featured.”

    Customer: “Celebrities use them, right? So they must be really expensive…like $500 a pop or something, right?”

    Me: “No, not at all. This one here only costs $40 before tax, and none of the products exceed $150.”

    Customer: “So, when the celebrities buy them, they only cost $40?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And when regular people buy them, they only cost $40?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (A moment of silence passes as the customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “COMMUNIST!”

    Close-Minded

    | Georgia, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [drugstore], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What time do y’all close?”

    Me: “We’re open twenty four hours, sir.”

    Customer: “But what time do you close?”

    Me: “We’re twenty four hours.”

    Customer: “What does that mean? I don’t know military time!”

    Me: “We’re open twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year sir.”

    Customer: “You’re not listening to me. How am I suppose to know when to come if I don’t know when you close?!”

    Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re always open.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “No matter what time you come, someone will be here, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid a** schedule is that?!”

    Me: “You’d have to ask corporate, sir.”

    Customer: “So wait…what time do y’all close?”

    Out Of State, Out Of Mind

    | Berlin, Germany | Top

    Me: “That’ll be €32,78 please.”

    (The customer hands me American dollars.)

    Me: “Sir, this is Germany. You can’t pay with US currency.”

    Customer: “But this is the US.”

    Me: “No sir, this is Germany, in Europe.”

    Customer: “But…isn’t Europe part of the US?”

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