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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Ah, The Wonders Of Osmosis

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A customer comes in to discuss care of his elderly, very ill cat. We talk about keeping the cat warm and hydrated.)

    Customer: “So, I have this idea…I thought that if I put the cat in a bath, she’d stay warm and not be thirsty.”

    Me: “Well sir, I don’t think that that would be a good idea. She’ll get cold once you take her out of the bath. Also, putting her in water isn’t going to help her stay hydrated.”

    Customer: “You mean that if I’m thirsty and I take a bath, I’ll still be thirsty when I get out?”

    Me: “Yes, that is what I’m saying.”

    Taster’s Choice

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (I was a customer at a store that engraves plaques, trophies, etc. and I witnessed this exchange.)

    Employee: *to another customer* “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a specific plaque design.”

    Employee: “All right, what kind of design are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Uh…I don’t really remember what it looked like. But it tasted really bad.”

    Employee: “…let’s just look over here, shall we?”

    Love The Life Choice, Hate The Life

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA |

    (A woman called in to make a reservation.)

    Woman: “Hi, I’m a vegetarian, what can you do for me?”

    Host: “Well, I can check with the kitch–”

    Woman: *interrupting* “And I don’t wanna hear pasta, tofu or vegetables!”

    Host: “Well ma’am, what did you have in mind?”

    Woman: “I don’t know, but everywhere I call offers me that, and I don’t like any of it!”

    Taking It Old School

    | Northridge, CA, USA |

    (I was working in the department office one day when an old woman called me up.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Radio, TV and Film Department. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I want to take a class in radio.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our classes are part of the Bachelor’s degree curriculum. You can’t just take one class.”

    Caller: “Well…how long is the Bachelor’s degree program?”

    Me: “4 years at minimum, but the average student take 5 years to complete it.”

    Caller: “5 YEARS?! I can’t do that! …so where else can I take a class in radio?”

    Me: “Why don’t you try **** College? They have a radio station, so they may have some radio classes. Here’s the number.”

    Caller: “What kind of school is **** College?”

    Me: “It’s a community college.”

    Caller: “A WHAT kind of college?”

    Me: “A community college. You know, a junior college.”

    Caller: “HONEY! I don’t need no JUNIOR college. I am a SENIOR citizen!”

    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (A customer comes into our swimsuit store wearing one of our swimsuits, dripping wet. She’s obviously come straight from the pool.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a refund for this suit. It’s defective!”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    (Without hesitating, the customer pulls down the front of the suit, flashing her top to me, the store, and the security cameras. The rest of the customers clear out. She’s attempting to show me that the removable cup liners in the bra have curled up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not a defect. It just curled up. You can straighten it out yourself, or you can go into our changeroom, take off the suit. I’ll fix it and you can put it back on.”

    Customer: “But this suit is defective! I need a refund!”

    (My supervisor comes over and she flashes the store again to show the “defect”.)

    Supervisor: “That’s not a defect, and as it’s clearly posted, there are no refunds on swimwear.”

    Customer: “So I’m just out $90 then? I demand a refund! I did not waste my money on a defective suit!”

    Me: “Those liners are removable. We can just take them out and they won’t roll up on you any more.”

    Customer: “What?! I’ll show my nipples to the whole f***ing pool!”


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