George Foreman Would Not Be Happy

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Good afternoon. What can I get for you?”

Resident: “I will have a grilled cheese without the bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our grilled cheese only comes on bread.”

Resident: “Well, I don’t like bread. Your menu says I can have a grilled cheese, and I want it without bread!”

Me: “Okay, I will be right back with that.”

(I walk into the kitchen, and tell the cook the request. She puts two slices of cheese on a plate, and microwaves it. I then take it out to the resident.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Resident: “What is this? This isn’t a grilled cheese. Where are the grill marks?”

Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees, Part 2

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to buy these, please.”

(The customer is an older gentleman. He has five bottles of lotion.)

Me: “Okay, let me ring you up.”

Customer: *smiles* “One for each mistress.”

Me: *laughing nervously* “Awesome.”

(The customer winks and licks his lips.)

Customer: “I can grab a sixth, if you like.”

Related:
Please Do Not Lather UpThe Employees
Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
Please Do Not Pet The Employees

Inoperating System

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Caller: “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not a technically savvy person.”

Me: “Well, that’s fine. We should be able to get this working. Can you go ahead and click on the start menu?”

Caller: *pause* “Start menu?”

Me: “Yeah, the little button on the bottom-left of your screen. It’s either a circle with the logo or a rectangle that says ‘start’. It’s right there on your taskbar.”

Caller: *pause* “Taskbar?”

Me: “Yeah, the little bar with all the icons right at the bottom of your desktop.”

Caller: *pause* “Desktop?”

Me: “You know what? I’m just going to connect to your computer remotely and do it myself.”

Caller: *pause* “Thank you?”

Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 3

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I am trying to find out how much RAM I have on my computer.”

Me: “Okay. An easy way to find this is to right-click on the my computer icon, and left-click on properties.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Now what?”

Me: “You should see a box pop up with information about the computer on it.”

Caller: “Okay, but nothing happened.”

Me: “Nothing at all? What do you see on your screen?”

Caller: “My desktop.”

Me: “Alright. Well let’s try this again. What happens when you right-click on the my computer icon?”

Caller: “Nothing.”

Me: “Is the computer on?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you tell me, step by step, what you did?”

Caller: “Sure. You asked me to write click on my computer, and I didn’t want to write on my brand new computer, so I got a sticky note and wrote ‘click’ on the note. I stuck it to the screen, over the my computer icon.”

Me: *pause* “Oh. Okay. Well, by saying right-click, I meant pushing the button on the right side of the mouse. When you do this, it makes a clicking noise, so we techies call it ‘right-click’.”

Caller: “Oh, wow. That makes sense!”

Related:
Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 2
Right-Click, Wrong-Click

The Brewery Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Micro

| FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What sort of soda do you carry?”

Me: “We have organic root beer-”

Customer: “Does that taste like root beer?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take one of those.”

(I go get her root beer and bring it back. It’s in a glass bottle. The woman stares at the bottle.)

Customer: “This root beer. It doesn’t have alcohol in it, does it?”

Me: “No, it does not.”

Customer: “It says ‘beer’ on the side.”

Me: “That’s part of the name.”

Customer: “But, it says ‘micro-brewed’ on the side.”

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