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    As Normal As A Nude Nymph With No Nails

    | Oakville, ON, Canada |

    (Working near the fitting rooms, my coworker hears a customer ask for help from inside one of the stalls.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need some help.”

    Coworker: “Alright–”

    (My coworker turns around and notices the customer standing outside of the stall completely nude except for the bra she was trying on.)

    Customer: “How does this look on me? I’m not sure if this works for me.”

    Coworker: “Um…why did you happen to take off your clothes?”

    Customer: “Oh, because I feel more comfortable like this. So, what do you think?”

    Coworker: “It looks…good.”

    (My coworker looks down to avoid seeing the woman and notices stickers on the woman’s toes.)

    Coworker: “Why do you have stickers on your toes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have any toenails. I think the stickers make them look prettier, and I feel more normal when I take off my shoes.”

    Bird Brained, Part 4

    | Mystic, CT, USA |

    (I have just finished talking to a group of people at the penguin exhibit when a middle-age man approaches me.)

    Customer: “I really love penguins. My wife and I saw some on our trip to Alaska last summer.”

    Me: “Oh, did you go to the Alaskan Sea Life Center? I hear it’s very nice.”

    Customer: “No, we saw them when we were walking on the beach.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, wild penguins only live in the southern hemisphere. What you and your wife saw were most likely puffins. They look very similar to penguins, but they can fly and are commonly seen in places like Alaska.”

    Customer: “No, they were penguins. I’m not stupid! I think I know a penguin when it flies right in front of me.”

    Me: “Penguins can’t fly, sir.”

    Customer: “All birds fly!”

    Me: “No, not all of them. Ostriches, for example, can’t fly either.”

    Customer: “Ostriches are birds?”

    Related:
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3

    10 Little Pints Of Joy

    | Florida, USA | Top

    (A guy comes into my register with a pretty standard basket of groceries.)

    Me: “Sir, did you only get one pint of Ben and Jerry’s?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Well, it’s ‘Buy one, Get one free’ this week.”

    Customer: “Hold on.” *runs off and returns a minute later with 9 more pints*

    Me: “You must really like Ben and Jerry’s, huh?”

    Customer: “I have a pregnant wife.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Neither A Lounge Recliner Nor A Borrower Be

    | Rugby, UK | Top

    (I’m on the reference desk on the main floor of our library, when a smartly dressed middle aged woman comes to ask me a question.)

    Patron: “Hello, do you only lend books here?”

    Me: “No, we also have DVDs, CDs, books on tape, and there are newspapers and magazines but we don’t loan those. Can I help you find something?”

    Patron: “There’s a lot of furniture in here.”

    Me: “Yes, I suppose there is.”

    Patron: “I’d like to borrow a table, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t loan the furniture to people.”

    Patron: “It’s for my mother. She’s coming over from Germany next week and she’s a very fussy eater so we need a bigger table. How long can I borrow it for?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furnishings. If you’d like, I can find you the number for a company that rents them out. Would that help?”

    Patron: “I’m not paying any money! That’s the whole point on lending things. Will one of your staff help me carry it home?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furniture under any circumstances.”

    Patron: “But she’s coming from Germany.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t lend you a table, but there’s a local company that rents out furniture for parties and–”

    Patron: “NO! Table! Now! You just want to keep them for yourselves!”

    We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

    Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

    Me: “And what is that?”

    Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

    Customer: “I understand that. but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

    Me: “And why is that, sir?”

    Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

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