Next They’ll Be Huffing Parmesan

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

(I have been out the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

(I call the manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

Next customer in line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

Future Treasury Secretaries Of America

| Snellville, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money

(I am a customer at a sporting goods store. As I am walking towards the restroom, I hear a little boy asking his mom to buy him something.)

Boy: “Mommy, I want this!”

Mom: “No, honey, we’re not going to buy that. Let’s go.”

Boy: “But why?”

Mom: “We’re not going to buy it because it is a waste of money!”

Boy: “But we can just buy more money!”

You Didn’t Hear It Foam Me

, | Hamilton, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am explaining to a customer that his cellphone is not covered under warranty because is suffering from water damage.)

Customer: “But I didn’t get it wet!”

Me: “You told me you took it to the foam night party at the local bar.”

Customer: “Yes, but that’s foam, not liquid.”

Me: “Did you notice that you came out wet, though?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not water! How can it be liquid damage?!”

Peek A Peck Of Peekers in Peckville

| Scranton, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like the number for [corporation] in Peekville, Pennsylvania. They sent me the wrong pants and I want to complain.”

Me: “Sir, there is no Peekville showing in Pennsylvania, but you’re in luck. I’m from the area and actually applied for that company when I applied here. I believe you mean Peckville.”

Customer: “I said Peek-ville, Pennsylvania.”

Me: “Sir, there is no Peekville in Pennsylvania. Is there another town you would like me to try?”

Customer: “There has to be a Peekville. The package came from there.”

Me: “Sir, how do you spell Peekville?”

Customer: “P-E-C-K-V-I-L-L-E.”

Me: “Yes, sir, let me get that for you.”

Half Cooked For The Half Minded

| Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like half a chicken please.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we seem to be out. The next load should be ready in about 15-20 minutes.”

Customer: “But I just want a half, not a whole one!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the wait. As soon as they finish cooking, I will cut you one straight away.”

Customer: “But I just want a half! Can’t you just get one out of the oven now and cut it for me?”

Me: “Um, no. If I took one out early and cut it, it wouldn’t be cooked in the middle.”

Customer: “But I only want a half chicken! It should take less time to cook than a whole one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait for them to finish. I promise I will cut you one straight away.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult for me to buy half a chicken!” *storms off*

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