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    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

    Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

    Customer: “You can make color copies?”

    Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

    (The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

    (I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

    Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

    Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

    Misundertanding Basic Printables

    | Nevada, USA |

    Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

    Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

    Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

    Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

    Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

    Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

    Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

    Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

    Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

    Natural Selection At Work

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA |

    (I am in concessions and a customer comes up bleeding pretty good.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering where your first aid station is?”

    Me: “It is that gazebo right over there.”

    (I point to a gazebo about 30 feet away.)

    Customer: “Uh…where is it?”

    Me: “The gazebo right over there. The hut that has the ‘First Aid’ sign hanging on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He walks half way over to the station but stops and looks at the hand sanitizer on a post for a couple seconds but then comes back.)

    Customer: “Okay, where is this place?”

    Me: “It is the hut right over there. It’s about 20 feet away from you.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see it.”

    Me: “Would you like me to walk you over there?”

    Customer: *pauses to think* “Nah, I’ll just let the chlorine stop the bleeding…” *starts walking away*

    Me: “Sir! You can’t bleed like that in a pool!”

    A Burning Question

    | Sheffield, UKSheffield, UK |

    (The fire alarm has gone off. The fire department have arrived and the whole building is evacuated. A customer attempts to enter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, the store is closed due to a fire.”

    Customer: “I only want a couple of things.”

    Me: “There is a fire. We have evacuated the building.” *points to scared looking customers and employees*

    Customer: “I only want bread an milk.”

    Me: “The building is on fire! I’m sorry, sir, but we will be unlikely to serve anyone until tomorrow!”

    Customer: “Oh! Does that mean the fresh vegetables are on offer?” *tries to push past me*

    Me: “No. Nothing is on offer at all because the store is closed.”

    (At this point more customers are arriving.)

    Customer #2: “So we can’t even pay? Those people got sent home with their stuff for free!” *points to customers loading their cars with stolen goods*

    Me: “No, they have stolen those things. They have been caught on camera, and they will be prosecuted when the emergency is over.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, so I can get my stuff for free?”

    Original customer: “Does that mean it’s free if we eat it all tonight?”

    Me: “No. Wait…what?”

    Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

    | Leeds, UK |

    (A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

    Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18 rated game?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

    Me: “It contains sex.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Violence.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Bad Language.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Drug Usage.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

    Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

    (The customer hands the game over to me and walks out.)

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