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    Too Provincial With Provinces

    | Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

    Customer: “Canada.”

    Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

    Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

    Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

    Customer: “Ontario.”

    Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

    Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

    Me: “Have a good day!”

    Please Thy Master, Or Else

    | Quezon City, Philippines | Top

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: *very seriously* “Give me your largest, most orgasmically tasty caffeinated drink.”

    Me: “Um, alright, sir.”

    (I prepare a large order of our bestseller. The customer sips his drink, and then looks me in the eye.)

    Customer: “You get to live…for now.”

    The State Of The Union

    | Rome, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in a day spa that has several services, including massage. Two teenagers come in and ask about our couples massage.)

    Teenager #1: “Hi, can you tell us about the couples massage package?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s an hour massage with complimentary aromatherapy. It’s [price].”

    Teenager #2: “It’s for our parents’ anniversary, but I’m not sure they would want to spend an hour in a room together.”

    Me: “They are done in separate rooms.”

    Teenager #1: “Well, that sells it!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3

    | Canada | Canada

    (I’m working the customer service line and have just finished explaining our services to a caller.)

    Caller: “Well, that sounds great! You seem like a good, honest American business.”

    Me: “Canadian, actually.”

    Caller: “No such thing!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, come again?”

    Caller: “There’s no such thing as ‘Canadian'; you’re either American or one of those foreign people.”

    Me: “Um, I’ll…put you through to sales then.”

    Caller: “Thank you!”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    The Great State Of Ignorance

    | Texas, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I am a cave tour guide. I’m talking about one of the cave’s rooms when a tourist raises her hand.)

    Tourist: “Where are we right now?”

    Me: “I believe we are north of where we came in, ma’am, but I can’t be sure because of all the twists and turns down here.”

    Tourist: “No, no, I want to know where we are right now!”

    Me: *confused as to what she wants* “Um, near the highway? We’re in [city]?”

    Tourist: “No! What state are we in?”

    (The entire group stares in amazement.)

    Me: “We are in Texas, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “Good. I thought we were in South Dakota or some s*** like that! Carry on.”

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