Museum Hours Negotiable

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work in a museum. I don’t answer phone calls when I am working with visitors, and have missed multiple phone calls from the same number. They never leave a message. All pertinent information such as hours and admission prices are on the phone message. A visitor approaches the desk.)

Me: “Welcome to the museum!”

Visitor: “You never answer the phone.”

Me: “I do if I have the opportunity.”

Visitor: “I’ve called several times in the last week.”

Me: “That was you?”

(I verify their name matches the caller ID.)

Me: “If you’d left a message, I would have gotten back to you.”

Visitor: “I didn’t want to leave a message. I just wanted to see if you were open.”

Me: “The voicemail message should say that our hours are–”

Visitor: “Yes, I know when your hours are!”

Me: “Then why did you keep phoning?”

Visitor: “I wanted to see if you were actually open!”

Here Or There Or Anywhere

| Cornwall, UK | At The Checkout

(We have a big sign on the bakery counter with an arrow saying “Please Pay At The Till”. Despite this, a lot of people think they can pay at the counter.)

Me: “Next, please.”

Customer: “Hey, you haven’t taken my money yet!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. If you’d like to take everything over to the till, you can pay there.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I’d like to pay here!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have a till behind here.”

Customer: “Can’t I just give you the money and you can put it through the till later?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not allowed to do that.”

Customer: “Well, fine!”

(I watch as she walks to the left, past cashier and the “Please Pay Here” sign, eventually standing at an empty counter. The cashier continues to serve people lined up at his till. She finally turns to glare at me, whilst I serve other customers at the bakery counter.)

Customer, to cashier: “Well, aren’t you going to come and take my money?”

Cashier: “If you come over to this till, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “Well, finally. At least someone around here knows how to do their job!”

The Customer Is Always Fright(ened)

| Estes Park, CO, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(The Stanley Hotel is a very nice big hotel in town. It is known to be an inspiration to the book/movie “The Shining”. It is also known to be haunted, and even gives ghost tours.)

Customer: “I demand a refund.”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, was there a problem with your room?”

Customer: “Yes! The ghosts in your hotel are mean. I demand a refund.”

Assistant manager: “I’m sorry, you have already stayed here and had every service our hotel has to offer. I cannot give you a refund. The hotel is known for being haunted, and I am sure you were aware of this going into your visit.”

Customer: “But the ghosts were mean!”

Scented For An Electrifying Experience

| Illinois, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you with something?

Customer: “I need to speak with your supervisor.”

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your restrooms smell like electricity!”

Me: “I’ll…get a manager.”

The Only Reason To Read Anyway

| England, UK | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

(A young teenage girl has been standing perplexed looking at the front covers of two books, “Twilight” and “Vampire Diaries”.)

Me: “Having trouble finding a book?”

Customer: “No, I’m just trying to work out which of these has the best sex scenes in them.”

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