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    Their Statement Speaks Volumes

    | OH, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t get the volume on my phone to go up.”

    Me: “Okay, I can assist with that. See the buttons on the left side of your device?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You push them in the up direction.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    (I hear some rustling around.)

    Customer: “I can’t seem to get them off. Isn’t there some way for you to turn it up from there?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. The only way you can turn up your volume is by pushing those buttons. They are the volume buttons.”

    Customer: “Is there a supervisor I can speak to? I think they can turn my phone up for me.”

    Related:
    Their Question Speaks Volumes

    The Customer Is Not Always Copyright

    | TX, USA |

    Customer: “Can you make me a copy of this picture?”

    Me: “We can not copy this picture without a copyright release. It was professionally taken.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I took this picture.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re in the picture.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Then, who was behind the camera?”

    Customer: “Some other guy…”

    Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

    | Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

    (We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

    Me: “How’s it going?”

    Customer: “Pretty good.”

    Me: “Will that be all?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Total is $2.98.”

    Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

    (He hands me a bud of weed.)

    Me: “What’s this for?”

    Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

    Related:
    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    His Movie Choice Is Rock Solid

    | Tigard, OR, USA |

    (I’m selling tickets. An elderly man walks up with his two granddaughters.)

    Customer: “What movies do you have for kids?”

    Me: “Well, we have Gnomeo and Juliet in regular or 3D or Tangled.”

    Customer:Ga-nomeo and Juliet. We’ve already seen Tangled.”

    Me: “Yes. Gnomeo and Juliet is really the only other movie we have for kids.”

    Customer: “Okay. Two little ladies and one really old guy for Ga-nomeo and Juliet.” *pauses* “I’m so old, I invented rocks.”

    I Pronounce Thee Idiot

    | Ottawa, ON, USA |

    Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

    Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

    Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”

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