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    Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

    Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

    Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

    Related:
    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

    Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

    Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

    Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

    Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

    Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

    Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

    Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

    Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

    Customer: “No, she’s one.”

    Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

    Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

    Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

    Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

    (I go and get my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

    Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

    Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

    Intentions As Clear As Glass

    | Michigan, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the cash register holding her bill in one hand and a half-full glass of soda in the other. She sets the bill on the counter and hands me the glass.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am. Did your waitress forget to bring you a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I’m all finished, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just take this back to the dish-room to have it washed.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just empty it and bring it back up here?”

    Me: “You mean empty it into a to-go cup?”

    Customer: “No, just dump the soda out and bring me the empty glass.”

    Me: “What are you going to do with an empty glass?”

    Customer: “Shove it in my purse and haul my a** out of here!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want the chocolate ice cream.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “I want the size that fits in the waffle cone.”

    Me: “All of our sizes will fit in the waffles.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “The one that comes in a waffle cone.”

    Me: “We can put any of the sizes in the waffles.”

    Customer: (Pause.) “Will the small fit in the waffle cone?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “What about the medium?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And the large?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: (Longer pause.) “So, if I get the medium, can you put it in a waffle cone?”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

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