Featured Story:
  • Making False Bald Statements
    (1,404 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

    | Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

    (We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

    Me: “How’s it going?”

    Customer: “Pretty good.”

    Me: “Will that be all?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Total is $2.98.”

    Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

    (He hands me a bud of weed.)

    Me: “What’s this for?”

    Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    His Movie Choice Is Rock Solid

    | Tigard, OR, USA |

    (I’m selling tickets. An elderly man walks up with his two granddaughters.)

    Customer: “What movies do you have for kids?”

    Me: “Well, we have Gnomeo and Juliet in regular or 3D or Tangled.”

    Customer:Ga-nomeo and Juliet. We’ve already seen Tangled.”

    Me: “Yes. Gnomeo and Juliet is really the only other movie we have for kids.”

    Customer: “Okay. Two little ladies and one really old guy for Ga-nomeo and Juliet.” *pauses* “I’m so old, I invented rocks.”

    I Pronounce Thee Idiot

    | Ottawa, ON, USA |

    Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

    Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

    Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”

    No Omelettes Are Totally Waffle

    | Kill Devil Hills, NC, USA | Top

    Me: “And here’s your waffle, sir, with bacon on the side.”

    Customer: “What? No, I didn’t order this. I ordered the bacon egg and cheese omelette.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I have it written down that you got a waffle with bacon. I will have to fix that.”

    Customer’s wife: “No, you will not. He ordered the waffle. I heard him.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t. I specifically ordered the omelette. I know I did.”

    Customer’s wife: “No, honey! We had the conversation on which one you were going to get. You told me you were going to get the omelette, and it surprised me when you didn’t.”

    Customer: “Then why didn’t you say something?”

    Customer’s wife: “Because you always ask my opinion, and say that’s what you’ll do. Then you change your mind! I just figured you were ignoring my opinion again!”

    Customer: “Well, fine. I guess I’ll have to eat this.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I can change it.?”

    Customer: “Actually, would you?”

    Customer’s wife: “No! You ordered it, you eat it.”

    Customer, to me: “That’s what she says to the kids.”

    Reaching Crunch Time

    | St. Pete Beach, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “Cup or cone?”

    Customer: “Do you have any edible cones?”

    Me: “All of our cones are edible.”

    Customer: “Can I take it with me on the beach?”

    Me: “All cones are entirely portable.”

    Customer: “Do you have any that don’t crunch?”

    Page 1,675/2,567First...1,6731,6741,6751,6761,677...Last