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Chivalry: No Girl Parts Required

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(My coworker is caught slacking off while retrieving baskets from the parking lot. After being yelled at for a couple of minutes by a fairly new manager, he walks off and an old lady confronts the manager.)

Customer: “Sir, I don’t like the way you spoke to that employee!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that employee was slacking off and–”

Customer: “That is no way to talk to a young woman!”

Manager: *chuckling* “Ma’am, that is one of our male employees.”

Customer: “Still, that is no way to talk to her!”

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, Or The Next Day

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(It is Monday afternoon and the customer on the phone needs their shipment in a hurry.)

Me: “Since it’s late in the day, shipping will resume tomorrow. Would you like next day or second day shipping?”

Caller: “Next day. I’ll get that tomorrow, right?”

Me: “No, we can ship tomorrow, Tuesday, and you’ll have it on Wednesday.”

Caller: “What about second day?”

Me: “Shipping it tomorrow via second day will get it to you on Thursday.”

Caller. “Wait. Next day is tomorrow. Tomorrow in the next day. Wednesday is two days from now. Why are telling me that next day is really two days from now?”

Me: “Because we will not be shipping until tomorrow. All shipments for today have already left.”

Caller: “Since I can’t get it until Wednesday, just ship it second day. Why pay all that extra money when they will both arrive on the same day?”

Me: “Sir, second day won’t arrive Wednesday.”

Caller: “Yes it will. I’m good at math and I can add! Goodbye!”

(I made a great many notes in his account for whatever poor agent gets him on the phone when his package does not arrive on Wednesday.)

The Gaze Of Amnesia

| New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

(I work at a grocery store and have just rung up a middle aged man’s groceries. He has a very heavy Spanish accent.)

Me: “Do you have a bonus savings card, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll give you my phone number to look it up. 973…umm…hold on.”

Me: “Would you like me to put the store card in for you?”

Customer: “No! I forgot my phone number! I’ve had the same phone number for 27 years. Then, I take one look into your beautiful green eyes and I forget!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I can put a store card number in for you. You
will get all of the same discounts.”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

(He then repeats the phone number over and over again until he gets the right one. Every time he’s come back to the store, I have to avoid looking him in the eye so he doesn’t forget.)

He Who Giveth

| UK | Technology, Top

(I work as a security manager and share an office with the tech support teams in a hospital. One day, the client walks into the office.)

Client: “My windows login says it’s disabled.”

IT Support member: “Yes, I disabled it because when I came to service your printer last night, I noticed your password was written down next to your keyboard.”

Client: “I write it down because I always forget it.”

IT Support member: “I disabled it because you are not supposed to do that.”

Client: “Well, can I have a new password and my account enabled?”

Me: “I hope you are not going to write it down again. It’s a serious offence, especially given you have access to patient details.”

Client: *angrily* “Well, I’m writing it down anyway. What are you going to do about it?!”

Me: “We can disable your account permanently and recommend disciplinary action against you.”

Client: “Ha! Well, go ahead. I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me. I’ve been here for years and I retire in two years anyway, so there!”

(The next day, the same client comes back to my office.)

Client: “My computer is not in my office.”

Me: “That’s correct, it’s currently being rebuilt.”

Client: “When can I get it back?”

Me: “I’ve spoken to your manager. He said you can do your job without a computer for the next two years.”

Do Unto Others

, | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

(The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

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