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    Ticketing System, Not Ticket In System

    | Thousand Oaks, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our theater has two methods of buying tickets. The box office outside, and the indoor computerized ticket kiosks, which accept only credit cards.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what that machine does?”

    Me: “That’s an automated ticket kiosk. You can avoid lines at the box office by either purchasing tickets from it directly, or picking up will-call tickets.”

    Customer: “Well, when is it going to give my ticket back?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I saw the machine, and didn’t know what it did. I put my ticket in here.”

    (He points to the credit card slot.)

    Customer: “Now, I can’t get it out.”

    (I am silent as I try to work out how to respond.)

    Customer: “So, can I go see my movie now?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry to inform you that you no longer have a ticket.”

    When Kids Break Out On Their Own

    | Denver, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am working in the toy section of the retail store. I receive a call around 8pm.)

    Me: “Hello you’re through to [retailer], toys. How can I help you?”

    (A quiet little girl, not much older than 10, answers.)

    Girl: “Hi um…can you help me find something for my mommy?”

    Me: “Sure, honey. What are you looking for?”

    Girl: “Um, I need an exercise thing. It’s like, a bar that you put on the ground and pull on.”

    (I’m not sure what she means. I walk over and scan the exercise section really quick, but see nothing like that.)

    Me: “Sorry, honey. We don’t really have anything like that. I can tell you some stores you might find it at.”

    Girl: “Okay.”

    Me: “If you can put your mom on the phone, I’ll give her the store names.”

    Girl: “My mommy’s not home. It’s just me and my little brother. We accidentally broke my mommy’s thing, and we’re trying to find where to get one so she won’t be mad.”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 2

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to make a complaint.”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had my hair done with you, and I’m not happy.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that. What appears to be the problem? I’d love to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, I had blonde highlights, but it’s just gone very dark at the roots.”

    (I take the customer’s name and have a look at her record.)

    Me: “It says your last visit was four months ago.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem

    Has Faith But Lost All Pope, Part 2

    | MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have any books on drawing people? My son loves to draw. I want to encourage him.”

    Me: “This one is really good for understanding anatomy. It uses examples from classical art.”

    Customer: *very snidely* “I could do without all the nudity. It’s not very Christian.”

    Me: “That’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, ma’am. It’s where the Pope preaches.”

    Has Faith But Lost All Pope

    A Little Big Communication Problem

    | London, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like some big little batteries, please.”

    (I gesture behind me.)

    Customer: “Big-little ones.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

    Customer: “You know, you’ve got little-little ones, then little-big ones, then big-little ones, then big-big ones. You know?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’re being very vague.”

    Customer: “I just want some rechargeable big-little batteries.”

    Me: “These are the only rechargeable batteries we do.”

    Customer: “Yes! Those! Big-little ones, see?”

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