October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Much Ado About Nothing (Inside)

| Columbus, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(Note: this takes place a week before Christmas in a store packed full of people. I am the only one operating the registers when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling , how can I help you?”

Other Store: “I am sending a customer your way for a game. The system says you have one left.”

(Sure enough, a customer shows up for a very popular game. When I begin to ring her out, I explain that even though the plastic is removed, it is a brand new game.)

Customer: “That is not a brand new game!”

Me: “I assure you it is, madam. We must remove all discs from the cases if they are being displayed on the floor, and this is my last copy.”

Customer: “It has been opened! It’s been played! You’re lying to me!”

(At this point, she turns to the long line behind her and starts yelling at everyone in line.)

Customer: “Can you believe this?! This is ridiculous! This game is for a child! I can’t give an opened game to a child for Christmas!!”

(Without missing a beat, the entire line opens their game cases. All of them are empty.)

Customer: “None of you love your children!” *storms out*

Please, Take A Crap

| West Midlands, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”

What What It’s A Butt

| Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

Mother:  “Excuse me, miss?”

Me:  “How may I help you?”

Mother:  “Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

(I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

Child:  “What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

Me:  “Er…that’s…”

Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

Me:  “…its butt.”

Mother:  *look of relief*

(They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

Why Math Counts

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

Tripped Up

| Georgia, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(One of the kids at my martial arts camp has gotten so bad that I have to call to his mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, your son has not been paying attention during training, and is disrupting the other kids.”

Mother: “Well, maybe my son needs a male influence instead of a little girl!”

Me: “The kids are arranged according to proficiency level. We can’t move him.”

Mother: “That’s funny…you say you can’t control him, but you can threaten to throw him down a flight of stairs easily enough!”

Me: “Who told you I threatened to throw him down a flight of stairs?”

Mother: “He did! He said you threatened to throw him down the stairs!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a one-story building.”

*brief pause*

Mother: “I will talk to him tonight.”

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