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    Short Changed In The Intelligence Department

    | Netherlands |

    Me: “That’ll be 21 euros, please.”

    (The customer hands me a 50 euro bill.)

    Me: “Would you have a 1 euro coin with that?”

    Customer: “No, only 2 euros.”

    Me: “Yes, please. That’ll be fine too.”

    (The customer hands me two one euro coins.)

    Vitamin R U O K

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [vitamin company]. This is [MyName]. How may I direct your call?” *long pause* “Hello?” *another long pause* “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hi, I got your number from a natural cure. ”

    Me: “How may I direct your call, sir?”

    Caller: “I was reading a book.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “It had your number. Are you a vitamin store? With…vitamins and things?”

    Me: “We are a vitamin manufacturer, sir. Do you have a question about a product?”

    Caller: “I got your number from a natural cure book. Have you read it?”

    Me: “What book, sir?”

    Caller: “A natural cures book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I have not. Did you have a question about a product that we manufacture?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I got your number out of a natural cures book.”

    Me: “Yes, there are a number of books that mention our products.”

    Caller: *pauses* “…It was a BOOK.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m just trying to determine who can best assist you.”

    Caller: *pauses again* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOK…”

    Me: “Let me connect you with customer service, sir…”

    Credit X-Rating

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a loan. What do I need to do?”

    (I take her information over the phone and tell her I would give her a call back after I review it with any questions that I had. The customer calls back 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “I’m sorry Ms. ***. I have not been able to completely finish, but so far it looks like we would not be able to proceed with the loan.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “From what it looks like, there are quite a few collections from [adult subscriptions] and [porn site subscriptions] that are dropping your score.”

    Customer: “That cannot be! I would know if I had wanted things like that!”

    Me: “From your application, I notice that you also have a teenage son that lives with you.”

    Customer: “D***! I knew that it was too good of him to get the mail for me!” *click*

    Compared To Some Customers, Yes

    | O'Fallon, MI, USA |

    (A customer is using the self checkout. Her total is $1.52.)

    Customer: “I still owe 52 cents, but all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I put a dollar bill in, but I still owe 52 cents and all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “That’s fine. You can just put the ten in and it will give you the difference back.”

    Customer: “Really? The machine is that smart?”

    Not A Fan Of Spin Doctors

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (I work the front desk at a doctor’s office, and one of the doctors fancies himself a musician. We give out a free copy of his CD when patients check in.)

    Patient: “What is this?”

    Me: “Dr. *** is a musician and he recorded an album. We’re giving it as a free gift to our patients.”

    Patient: “It’s free?”

    Me: “Yes, sir!”

    Patient: “But there’s a price on the back. It says $5.99.”

    Me: “That’s because it is also sold in a few local music
    stores. But we’re giving it free to patients as a thank you gift.”

    Patient: “What are you thanking me for?”

    Me: “For being a loyal patient?”

    Patient: “And all patients get them?”

    Me: “Yes. all patients.”

    (The patient looks around the room at the other two patients.)

    Patient: “They don’t have CDs!”

    Me: “They haven’t checked in yet. When they do, I’ll give them a CD.”

    (The patient sits down, but comes back up while I’m helping the next patient. I haven’t given her the CD yet.)

    Patient, to other patient: “Did you get a free CD?”

    Other patient: “Uh…no.”

    Patient, to me: “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but you clearly gave this to me because you have feelings for me, and I’m just not interested. I think it’s really inappropriate for you to come on to me when I’m here to see the doctor, and you’ve made me very uncomfortable. Please cancel my appointment.”

    (I should mention that this guy was clearly out of my age and weight range. That, and I work for a proctologist.)

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