Practice What You Preach (Please)

| Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I’m serving a mother and her two children.)

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Mother: “Tell the lady what you would like.”

Son: “I’ll have the chicken fingers.”

Mother: “Say please!”

Son: *sheepishly* “Please.”

Mother: “And what would you like?”

Daughter: “A hot dog!”

Mother: “Say please!”

Daughter: “Please.”

Mother: “And I’ll have the fried clams.”

(She never did say “please”.)

Brakes Can Drive You Crazy

| Austin, TX, USA | Extra Stupid

(My manager is talking to a customer about what they need fixed on their car. I often eavesdrop so I can hear from a person’s own words what is wrong. It often helps me to diagnose the problem.)

Customer: “The truck isn’t running right. It doesn’t have power and runs rough.”

Me: “Well, when do you notice the problem?’

Customer: “When I’m slowing down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have power when braking? ”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you mean the brakes don’t feel right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What about when you get back on the gas pedal? Does it go fine?”

Customer: “Oh, yes it has plenty of power then.”

Me: “So, when you are on the brakes and slowing down, the truck doesn’t have power, but when you get back on the throttle it has plenty of power?”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: *speechless*

(We take the car in and run full diagnostics. I never found anything wrong with the truck. It ran like it was brand new and had very few miles on it.)

The Recoil Is Amazing

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m stocking cans of soup at the end of an aisle when I hear a voice say “Beep Beep!” I just ignore it but it continues to get louder. I turn around to see an elderly male customer with a shopping cart.)

Customer: “Beep, beep!”

Me: “Oh! Hi there. Did you need help finding anything today, sir?”

Customer: “Beep, beep!”

(He then proceeds to ram his cart into my butt multiple times.)

Me: “Oh my, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was in your way. I’ll move.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay sweetie. I do that to all the pretty girls.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll let you go now.”

Customer: “Wanna share a can of soup, sweet cheeks?”

Me: *running away* “No, thank you!”

I Can Almost Feel Edward’s Embrace

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Books & Reading

Customer: “I want to know what romance books are good right now. I want a really good romance, since I’m going on vacation.”

Me: “Well, I don’t really read romance novels, but I can tell you what is popular. Have you read any Sherrilyn Kenyon?”

Customer: “What is it? Is it like vampires or something?”

Me: “It’s considered paranormal romance and is very popular.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want anything unrealistic.”

Me: “Well, then you probably don’t want a romance novel.”

Customer: “I want something realistic like Twilight. Do you have any books like that?”

The Early Bird Gets The Dumb Worm

| Blue Jay, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(We are a brand-new business. We’ve only been open for one week at this point. We open earlier than our competition because it’s a potential market.)

Customer: “What time do you open in the morning?”

Me: “5:00 am.”

Customer: “But [competition] opens at 6:00.”

Me: “Yes, they do.”

Customer: “So, why do you open at 5:00?”

Me: “Because some people leave for work before 6:00.”

Customer: “But [competition] doesn’t open until 6:00, so how can you open at 5:00?!”

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