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    Has Faith But Lost All Pope, Part 2

    | MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have any books on drawing people? My son loves to draw. I want to encourage him.”

    Me: “This one is really good for understanding anatomy. It uses examples from classical art.”

    Customer: *very snidely* “I could do without all the nudity. It’s not very Christian.”

    Me: “That’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, ma’am. It’s where the Pope preaches.”

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    Has Faith But Lost All Pope

    A Little Big Communication Problem

    | London, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like some big little batteries, please.”

    (I gesture behind me.)

    Customer: “Big-little ones.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

    Customer: “You know, you’ve got little-little ones, then little-big ones, then big-little ones, then big-big ones. You know?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’re being very vague.”

    Customer: “I just want some rechargeable big-little batteries.”

    Me: “These are the only rechargeable batteries we do.”

    Customer: “Yes! Those! Big-little ones, see?”

    Putting The Men On The Menu

    | St. George, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    (Some customers come up to my till to pay for their meals.)

    Me: “How was your meal today, sir?”

    Customer: “It was good and I was delicious.”

    His Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

    | Wall, NJ, USA | Top

    (Our store music system is playing Coldplay’s ‘Viva la Vida’. A customer comes up to me, and start making small talk.)

    Customer: “I love this song!”

    Me: “Yeah, I like it too. Although, there is a Swedish singer who does a cover of this. I happen to like that one better.”

    Customer: “You listen to Swedish music?”

    Me: “Well, not really. I just heard that there was a cover of it. I looked it up and–”

    Customer: “This is America, sweetie! You should only listen to American music!”

    Me: “Sir, you do know that Coldplay, the band who sings this song, is from England?”

    Customer: “No, they’re not! They play this song on the radio! American radio!”

    Me: “I assure you, sir. They are from England.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t like this song anymore! Unlike you, I only listen to American music–like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles!”

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    Her Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

    Credit Car

    | USA | Uncategorized

    (I am finishing ringing up a customer’s purchases.)

    Me: “That’ll be $14.00.”

    Customer: “So, I want to pay with my credit card, but it’s out in the car. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s fine.”

    (There’s an uncomfortable pause as the customer stands there, as if waiting for something else to happen. Finally, the lightbulb goes on.)

    Customer: “Oh, do I have to actually go get it?”

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