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    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical, Part 2

    | Minnesota |

    Customer: “If I order a meat and cheese tray, do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: “Well, we have other trays, like vegetable and fried appetizer trays.”

    Customer: “No, I want a meat and cheese tray. Do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “… You want just meat or just cheese? Is that what you want?”

    Customer: “NO! I want a meat and cheese tray and I want to know if I have to get meat and cheese!”

    Related:
    The Danger With Rhetorical Questions
    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

    Batteries And Brains Not Included

    | Surrey, BC, Canada |

    Me: “[Video game store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

    Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

    Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

    Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

    (At this point, caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

    Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous, you have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

    Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

    Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

    Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

    Caller: “I don’t have a f***ing TV!”

    By Doing Nothing, The Problem Solves Itself

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: *on the phone* “I’m turning you in for mail fraud! I don’t want any more of your stuff!”

    Me: *checking* “OK, you were already taken off the list a few weeks ago.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want your magazine!”

    Me: “I’ll need to transfer you to the magazine department so they can cancel that for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t get the magazine!”

    Me: “So you’re only getting DVDs, then?

    Customer: “I haven’t gotten any DVDs!”

    Me: “So…what are you getting from us?”

    Customer: “Nothing!”

    Me: “OK…then I guess you’re all set…”

    Customer: “OK!” *hangs up*

    One Foot In The Grave, One Hand On The Printing Press

    | Corpus Christi, TX, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** Newspaper, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, is this the obituaries?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, it is.”

    Caller: “I need to place one.”

    Me: “OK ma’am. You can send that to me via fax or email.”

    Caller: “What do they typically say?”

    Me: “They vary, but some good information is where the individual was born, when they passed away–”

    Caller: “Oh, he’s not dead yet.”

    Me: “I–I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “He’s very sick, though. Should be any day.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t run an obituary until the individual has died.”

    Caller: *sighs heavily* “Well that’s VERY inconvenient.” *hangs up*

    Fattening Fallacies

    | Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Could I get that donut right there?” *points*

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (I put it on a plate and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “Can you heat it up for me, please?”

    Me: “No problem, I’ll just be a minute.”

    Customer: “Put it in for exactly 7 seconds. If you microwave food for 7 seconds, it becomes negative calories. Did you know that?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think that’s how food works.”

    Customer: “Well, how would you know, you’re just a part-time employee at a coffee shop.”

    Me: “I work part-time to pay for University…where I study health and nutrition…”

    Customer: “What are they teaching kids these days?!” *walks away angrily without the donut*

    Me: “Have a nice day?”


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