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    Future Business Leaders Of America, Indeed

    | Troy, NY, USA |

    (A student approaches my counter at our college’s store, which is adjacent to the bank.)

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    College student: “Yes, I need to get 4 dollars out of the bank.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the campus bank branch does not open for another hour.”

    College student: “Well…what if I was to pay you? *pulls out a five dollar bill*

    Me: “You’re going to pay me five dollars to get four dollars out of the bank?”

    College student: “Yes.”

    Me: “Why don’t I just give you change in ones for this five?”

    College student: “You can do that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    College student: “Technology these days!”

    (I give him the five ones, and he walks out of the store shaking his head and smiling to himself, still saying “Wow!”)

    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

    | Southampton, UK |

    Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

    Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

    Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

    Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

    Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)

    Good Service, To A Point

    | Victoria, British Columbia, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to return this knife! The lady I bought this from put this sticky stuff around the blade.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all of our knives have the protective seal to keep you from getting cut.”

    Customer: “No way! I saw her; she put this on there! I want a different one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re free to choose another knife but, as you can see, they all have the protective seal on them.”

    Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous – how do you get this off?! You do it for me!”

    (I take the seal off and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “But look at this! It’s left this sticky residue!”

    Me: “It washes off easily, actually.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to wash anything! That’s stupid!”

    Me: “Don’t you wash your knives before you use them?”

    Customer: “DON’T get smart with me! This is a horrible way to sell a knife.”

    Me: “So, we should sell the knives without a seal or any kind of protection?”

    Customer: “YES! Exactly! It’ll make using it at home easier!”

    At Least It Got A Spot-Free Rinse

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ****! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my keyboard won’t work.”

    Me: “Okay sir, what happened?”

    Customer: “Well, it got dirty, so I ran it through the dishwasher.”

    Me: “You what?”

    Customer: “Ran it through the dishwasher. I did it once before and it worked. So, can I get a new one?”

    Stupidity On Tap

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    (I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

    Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

    Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

    Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

    Me: “…the keg?”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “What? Why?!”

    Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”


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