Have Their Second Sights Set On This School

| Boston, MA, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling [university] admissions. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I’d like to register my daughter for a campus tour and info session.”

Me: “Great! Can I have her name?”

Caller: “Sure. Her name is [name].”

(Many times, students are already in our system. We check the high school to make sure it’s the correct person.)

Me: “Does she go to [name] high school?”

Caller: “Oh my God! Yes! Are you psychic?”

Bad Owners Unleashed

| Chicago, IL, USA | Top

(One of the dogs we are grooming attacks one of the staff. The staff member is taken to surgery to have their bicep muscle reattached. No one is able to enter the salon because the vicious, very large dog is on the loose in the shop. We are standing outside the shop in the main store. We call the dog’s owner, and he arrives two hours later.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you called the police on my dog! He’s a good dog!”

Me: “Sir, when we had to call the ambulance, the police came with them. We didn’t call them specifically.”

Customer: “Yes, you did! You are all racists!”

Me: “Sir, please just get your dog out of my salon. Other customers want their pets, and your dog is holding my shop hostage.”

Customer: “My dog doesn’t bite. He’s a nice dog.”

Me: “Please, just get your dog out of my salon.”

(The customer goes into the salon, grabs the dog, puts the chain on it and comes out. Everyone backs away. The dog is snarling and lunging at other customers. The police are following him to fill out paperwork.)

Customer: “By the way, were you able to cut his nails?”

Pressing All The Wrong Buttons

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling [call center]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I need to know what program is on what channel.”

Me: “The easiest way to find it would be to use the search from your menu.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, press your menu button. Do you see the search option?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Press ‘OK’ on search, and type in the show you are looking for.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you do that for me?”

Me: “No, sir. I have no way to push the button over the phone for you.”

Customer: “Well, I pay you guys enough money that you should press it for me!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we don’t have the capability to reach through the phone and press the button for you.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Apparently Bad Parenting, Part 2

| Houston, TX, USA |

Customer: “I need to pick up my daughter. She’s in the eighth grade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The eighth graders are testing right now and they’ve only been testing for about forty five minutes. I don’t think she’s done.”

Customer: “But we have a plane to catch!”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you just not send her to school? I mean, what time is your flight?”

Customer: “8:45!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was thirty minutes ago. I don’t think you’re making it anyways.”

Customer: “But it’s central time zone!”

Me: “We’re in the central time zone, ma’am.”

Customer: “Don’t correct me! I don’t care if she fails. I just don’t want to lose my dignity!”

Related:
Apparently Bad Parenting

Salad Of The Dead

| Tucson, AZ, USA |

(Two customers are having a conversation as they order.)

Customer #1: “I have a whole bunch of studying for school this weekend. I have a test in one class, and I have to memorize the Greek alphabet for my sorority.”

Customer #2: “Wait, you have to memorize the Greek alphabet? That’s, like, so stupid. What use are you going to have memorizing the alphabet to a dead language? Or wait, is it dead? Or do some people still speak it?

Customer #1: “No, it’s dead. Or, maybe they still speak it in Greece. I think.”

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Greek salad!”

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