July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

They Swim Upriver To Mate

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Tourists/Travel

Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

Fertility Is A Contest

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

(My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

Not The Usual Third Wheel

| Rochester, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am the only girl on a team of 5-6 working in a computer repair store. There are always a few “regulars” that came in to seek help from me.)

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.” *pause* “It’s my computer…”

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Um, actually I was wondering if you would like to go get dinner or coffee or something sometime?”

Me: “Sir, I am married. Now, what is wrong with your computer?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What does being married have to do with going out?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Oh, okay, fine! He can come too!”

Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

| Bradenton, FL, USA | At The Checkout

(I am bagging a lady’s order when she asks me to go find some unflavored enhanced water drink for her–you know, the trendy, minimally flavored waters that come with vitamins.)

Me: “Ma’am, [enhanced water drink] doesn’t come in unflavored. Is there something else I can get you?”

Customer: “Yes, the unflavored one. You know, it has zero calories and no sugar.”

Me: “Is it still carbonated?”

Customer: “No, it’s uncarbonated too!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just called water.”

(I end up selling her a 24 pack of spring water.)

The House Elves Are On Strike

| Southampton, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer has dumped some of her shopping on a display in the middle of the shop. After seeing her do this, I go over and pick up the items to return them to their rightful place. The customer sees me do this and start storming towards me.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you still want these items?”

Customer: “No, but why are you moving them?”

Me: “Well, they have to be moved back to where they came from so the store is kept tidy.”

Customer: “Yes, but why are you doing it? Can’t you wait for those other people to do it?”

Me: “Sorry, who?”

Customer: “The people that come out when no one’s around, the ones that move everything around?”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but we don’t employ any stock…ninjas. I’ll just take those items for you.”

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