Re-Ink Needs A Rethink, Part 2

| Sao Paulo, Brazil | Uncategorized

(My phone rings a couple of hours after regular business hours. As I answer, an agitated customer is on the line.)

Customer: “Help! I have to print an invoice report to deliver today. It says here that the printer cannot be found!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Can you tell me the printer’s network ID?”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [printer ID]. Can you get it to work quickly?”

(I proceed to check the printer software on the main server. I find some problems. I quickly fix them and get back to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, I found a small problem on the printer software and fixed it. I need you to turn off the printer and turn it back on again, to synchronize it.”

Customer: “What? I can’t!”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean you can’t?”

Customer: “I can’t turn it off and back on! The printer is in my boss’s office. He already left for the day! The door is locked!”

Me: “Does anyone there have the key to open the office?”

Customer: “No! I’m alone in the building! What should I do?”

Me: “Wait. Let me see if I get it: you can’t go to the printer because it is inside a locked room, and you need to print a report to deliver it today?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “How were you planning to get the printed report from the printer, anyway?”

*long pause*

Customer: “Never mind. I’ll print it tomorrow.”

*click*

Related:
Re-Ink Needs A Rethink

Yukon Call Them

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Caller: “Hello, this is [name] from [company]. I’m calling to get the satellite hooked up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you say that again?”

Caller: “This is [name] from [company] in Guyana. You know, Guyana, South America. We ordered satellite service last week.”

(Our company has nothing to do with satellites. We do not have service anywhere near Guyana. I explain as such to the caller.)

Caller: “Oh. Well, where are you located? Brazil?”

Me: “No, sir. We’re up in Canada.”

Caller: “Oh dear, I DO have the wrong number, don’t I?”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan

Should Be Throne Out

| Miami, FL, USA | Top

(The theater has four wheelchair spots in the back for those who cannot get out of their wheelchair. A wheelchair patron comes in. The seat listed on the ticket is for row H in the center. I assume that she is able to transfer out of her chair and guide herself to the row.)

Me: “Here we are. When you are seated, I will take–”

Customer: “Why is there a seat there?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I cannot get out of my wheelchair.”

Me: “Oh, well in that case, let me show you to the ADA seating area.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to sit back there! I won’t be able to see back there!”

Me: “We can sometimes accommodate wheelchairs to the front–”

Customer: “No! That is too close. I want to be in the center of the theater! Remove the chair that is there and let me sit in the seat I purchased!”

Me: “But the seats are attached to the floor permanently. I can’t remove them.”

Customer: “This is discrimination!”

(The patron begins yelling obscenities at me. The House Manager comes to intervene.)

House manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. That is the only way to accommodate you.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable.”

(The patron begins to wheel herself back up the aisle, finds it difficult, gets up, and pushes the empty chair back into the lobby.)

Me: “I thought you couldn’t get out of your chair?”

Customer: “I can, but I don’t want to!”

Lost In No Translation, Part 2

, | Newport Beach, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer: “Ham and swiss on rye.”

Me: “What would you like for your side?”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “What. Would. You. Like. For. Your. Side?”

Customer: “Are you speaking French?”

Related:
Lost In No Translation

Best Not To Be Tolkien Too Seriously

| Roseville, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a book but I don’t know the title or author. Can you find it for me?”

Me: “Do you know anything about it? Is it fiction or non-fiction?”

Customer: “It’s non-fiction for sure. All I know is it was made into a movie and it takes place in New Zealand.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I’m not sure what book you’re looking for. Wait…you don’t mean Lord of the Rings, do you?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it!”

Me: “Well, we certainly have that in. Just for future reference, sir, non-fiction means it’s a true story.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s a true story! Thank you!”

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