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    Driving Dad To The Edge

    | Logan, UT, USA |

    Customer: *on the phone* “I need you to turn my TV back on.”

    Me: “OK, let me see why it isn’t on.” *checking* “It looks like you are two months behind in your payments to us. I need to collect a payment for two months’ service, as well as $10 in late fees. Which card would you like to put that on?”

    Customer: “I don’t have the money right now, but I need you to turn on the TV right away! I need the TV for my kids! I’ve been playing with them and reading stories with them, and this has just got to stop! Turn the TV back on right now!”

    As The Price Decreases, So Does Brain Cell Count

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I have a coupon here that says 25% off. What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means you get 25% off.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “You will get 25% off your total price.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. Why does it say that?”

    Me: “It’s a discount. They’ll give you a cheaper price.”

    Customer: “Huh? This coupon doesn’t make sense.”

    Me: “When you give your coupon to the attendant, they’ll take 25% off your ticket price.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a coupon.”

    Me: “…”

    Dinner Without A Show Is No Dinner At All

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (I’m cashing out a customer and bagging his groceries.)

    Me: “And what’s in your bakery bag, sir?”

    Customer: “A cantaloupe. I put it in there to get ripe.”

    Me: “OK…”

    Customer: “You know what they do in California? They JUGGLE the fruit – the cantaloupes and the mangoes and the apples and such.”

    Me: “Oh, that must be neat to see–”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD DO THAT!”

    Me: *laughing* “That’d be interesting, but I don’t know how to juggle.”

    Customer: “You mean to tell me you can’t juggle this fruit?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not…”

    Customer: “Then take the cantaloupe off. I don’t want it if you won’t juggle it for me.”

    Simple Conversations, Even Simpler Minds

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the window where you pick up your order after your number was called. All he ordered was a biscuit.)

    Customer: “Biscuit?”

    Cook: “Biscuit.”

    Customer: *cocks head to one side* “Biscuit?”

    Cook: “Biscuit.”

    Customer: *cocks head to other side* “BISCUIT?”

    Cook: *picks up biscuit, shows the customer each side slowly* “Bis-cuit.”

    Customer: “OH! BISCUIT!” *proceeds to take plate to table*

    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical, Part 2

    | Minnesota |

    Customer: “If I order a meat and cheese tray, do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: “Well, we have other trays, like vegetable and fried appetizer trays.”

    Customer: “No, I want a meat and cheese tray. Do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “… You want just meat or just cheese? Is that what you want?”

    Customer: “NO! I want a meat and cheese tray and I want to know if I have to get meat and cheese!”

    Related:
    The Danger With Rhetorical Questions
    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical


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