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    The CDs Are Full But The Mind Is Blank

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    Me: “Alright sir, I looked at your computer and it looks like you need to reinstall your office software before we can proceed.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    Me: “Can you show me where your software installation CDs are?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “The CDs that your office software came on when you first bought them.”

    Customer: “Oh, I threw those out.”

    Me: “Why? Was there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. I installed the software and then threw out the empty discs.”

    Talk About A Long Weekend

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Good afternoon, [theme park]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. Can I just ask when are your firework nights this year?”

    Me: “They are on the 27th, 28th and 29th October.”

    Caller: “Okay…are they all Saturdays?”

    Childlike, But Not So Innocent

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

    Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

    Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

    Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

    Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

    Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

    Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

    Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

    Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

    2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

    | Norwood, MA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

    Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

    Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

    Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand”

    Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    The Lesser Of Two Buttocks

    | Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA |

    Caller: “I’m finding out that hamsters like to move around a lot. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem with the hamsters?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t like it when they move suddenly. It scares me. And I don’t like their rears.”

    Me: “Their…rears?”

    Customer: “Yes, their rears! I don’t like it when they don’t face me. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “Well, we have tarantulas… they mostly just sit there and move slowly and rarely.”

    Caller: “What’s a tarantula?”

    Me: “It’s kind of a big hairy spider.”

    (Suddenly, it sounds as if the phone has hit the ground. A few moments later…)

    Customer: “I think I’ll stick with hamsters.”

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