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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    When It Is Best To Step Down

    | New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    (An infuriated customer comes into my department with a bag that has a camcorder, DVD burner and CD’s.)

    Customer: “The person who sold this told me that it only takes three easy steps to make my DVDs, but it doesn’t even work.”

    (After fumbling with the burner for awhile, I realize that there is a CD inside.)

    Me: “That’s a CD, not a DVD; those won’t work. It says, ‘Please insert a blank DVD disc’.”

    Customer: “Those are DVDs!”

    Me: “No, those are CDs. They’re different.”

    Customer: “Well, the guy told me that they would work anyway.”

    Me: “It’s odd that the guy sold you CDs with a DVD burner. Do you remember what he looked like? Maybe I can talk to him?”

    Customer: “It’s that guy over there.”

    Me: “He doesn’t work in this department. He couldn’t have sold you a DVD burner and the CDs. Well, anyway, you need DVDs to get it to work. That’s what your problem was.”

    Customer: “Show me how to work this! I don’t have the instruction manual anymore.”

    Me: “Well, it’s easy. Plug it into the wall, open the lid, insert the disc, turn it on, pick your scene and press this red button here.”

    Customer: “It said three easy steps. That’s way more than three steps!”

    Me: “I don’t think that they consider plugging it in and putting the disc in steps.”

    Throwing A Spanner In The Wax

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    (A customer is trying to combine coupons on one purchase; this is not allowed. One is a coupon that allows her to buy expensive candles for half off and the other is a basic “free item with any purchase” coupon.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry ma’am, we’ll have to do this as two separate purchases. We’ll use your candle coupon first, then, if you just add another item you’ll qualify to use your second coupon and get your free item.”

    Customer: “But I was purchasing the candle to get the free item.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can’t use the coupon on the candle and then use a second coupon on the same purchase. But it’s okay, you can buy one of these cheap $1.00 items to qualify for the second coupon, I’ll just ring these items up separately.”

    Customer: “Or maybe I don’t buy anything at all!”

    (The customer swipes her cheap mailer coupon off the counter and walks away, leaving me holding her exclusive candle coupon.)

    UV: Under Valued

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (It is mid-afternoon and the sun is starting to directly shine in the windows. The shades are already down but some light still shines through.)

    Customer: “It is way too bright. I have very sensitive eyes. You need to do something about the sun.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the shades are already down. Would you like to move to a different table that is away from the windows?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to do something about the sun!”

    Me: “Sir, I really can’t control the sun.”

    Customer: “You can’t do anything? I have very sensitive eyes!”

    Me: “I can move you to another table.”

    Customer: “No, that won’t work. How about you just stand here while I eat and block the sun?”

    Wheeling And Dealing With Reality

    | Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    (We sell pepperoni sticks for two for one dollar. A customer brings up a box which consists of 40 sticks.)

    Me: “That will be twenty dollars.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because they are two for one, and twenty is half of forty.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought the whole box was only fifty cents. That would be an awesome deal.”

    Me: “Well, it’s still cheaper than most places.”

    Customer: “Yes, but the one in my mind was better!”

    Byte-eous Retribution

    | Hollister, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (A woman is buying a World War 2-based game for her child’s birthday.)

    Me: “Okay, so, I’ve heard good things about this one, but just so you know, it is rated Mature. That’s like an R rating.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait. Really? Why?”

    Me: “This one’s got some foul language, but it’s mostly the violence and blood, I’m sure.”

    Customer: “Violence? Like, killing people? He’s only turning 12.”

    Me: “Well, yeah. It’s WW2. So it’s a lot of Nazi killing.”

    Customer: “Oh, just Nazis? You can’t kill anyone else?”

    Me: “Not as far as I know.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, then. I’ll take it.”

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