November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Day The Music Died, Part 3

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have any really small guitar cases?”

Me: “Not really. We have mandolin cases…maybe a violin case. What kind of guitar is this for?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for a guitar. It’s for the recently cremated remains of my father.”

(I try to stop the conversation from going too dark.)

Me: “No, not really. I could phone around. See if another store has something.”

Customer: “That’s great, just as long as it’s cheap.”

The Day The Music Died

Educational Programs Have Never Been More Needed

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “[Business library], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, so, I want to know about the educational programs you offer.”

Me: “Oh, okay. That’s actually not conducted through the library. I’ll have to find you the phone number for the coordinator.”

(The caller asks a dozen questions about the differences between the programs we offer. I answer the best I can while continuing to tell him I’ll need to have him call a different number. I put him on hold to find the number.)

Me: “Hi, sir. You’re going to have to call this number and speak to the program coordinator.”

Caller: “Fine, okay. What’s the number?”

(I give him the number.)

Caller: “Okay. Transfer me.”

Me: “Actually, I can’t transfer you because they’re in a different building. But if you want to call the number I gave you, they’d be happy to help.”

Caller: “So, you can’t help me?”

Me: “Not with the information you’re looking for.”

Caller: “What are you again?”

Me: “The librarian.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. You need to explain that to me. Can you also tell me about the educational programs you offer?”

Post-Grammatic Stress, Part 2

| East Midlands, England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “What date did you arrive in the UK?”

Customer: “Because I am teacher of English as second language.”

Studying Post-Grammatic Stress
Post-Grammatic Stress

A Fair Degree Of Boredom

| Swansea, Wales, UK | Uncategorized

(I work for my university during the mornings of open days. I take tours and answer any questions visitors have. If you do everything available to you, it’s normally a full day. A mother who has been sitting down with her son for a while approaches me. It’s around 12:30.)

Me: “Hi, is there something that I can help you with?”

Mother: “Yeah, my son has this letter that says he has a meeting this afternoon. Will we be missing anything if we don’t go?”

Me: “Oh, well there is the general introductory talk at 1:00. It is just some information about student life and life in Swansea. But it’s not necessary to attend. I can give you a print out of the talk if you like.”

Mother: “Oh, that would be nice. But this thing this afternoon–is that important?”

Me: “You mean your departmental visit? Well, that’s what most people come to see. You meet lecturers and find out a lot more about the course in the afternoon. Is there some reason that you need leave now?”

Mother: “No, we’re just really bored.”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 3

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(At the register where I work, we try to push sales of cookies. We have only two kinds of cookies: walnuts and without walnuts.)

Customer: “I think I will take a chocolate chip cookie without walnuts. It should be cheaper since it has no nuts, right? Because it’s lighter, I feel I should get a discount.”

Me: “Actually, sir, the plain chocolate chip cookies are the same weight as the cookies with the walnuts. It’s because we add extra chocolate chips to balance it out.”

Customer: *pause* “Dang, you’re good at this.”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2
An Abundance Of Nuttiness