Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,945 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Desperate For Dessert

    | Quebec, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell pie here?”

    Me: “Um, no this is [department store]. We sell clothes.”

    Customer: “I don’t want clothes. I want pie.”

    Me: “You can go across the street to the supermarket.”

    Customer: “But I hear that your pie is the best in town.”

    Me: “You’ve obviously heard wrong; we don’t sell pie here.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I know there’s pie! Where is it?!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no pie…”

    Customer: “F*** you, are you profiling me? Just because I’m African-American you won’t sell me pie? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”

    Me: *giving up* “…OK sir, fine, you’re right. Go downstairs, go out the door and walk across the street. That’s where we sell the pie.”

    Customer: “It’s about time…”

    Hard Core Ambitions, Soft Core Realities

    | Helskini, Finland |

    Customer: “Hey, I want this tattoo on my arm.” *holds out a piece of paper*

    Me: “Okay, let me see…” *looks at the paper* “…are you sure this is right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s hard core. You know, HC!”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’m not sure if this is right.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s right. You’re old, so you won’t get it!”

    Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want this exact tattoo on your arm?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You want your tattoo to say this?” *shows him his paper*

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (I ask him several more times to be sure, but he insists it’s right so I give him his tattoo: “HAR CORE” with the “D” conspicuously absent. After several days of showing how “hard core” he is to his friends, they convince him to come back and get it fixed; it now says “HC”.)

    It’s One Big Greasy Conspiracy

    | Santa Fe, NM, USA |

    Customer: “Ugh! Everything you make here has canola oil in it. Don’t you know that’s not even food? It’s made from rapeseed, which isn’t even edible!”

    Me: “While it’s true you can’t actually eat the plant, canola oil itself is–”

    Customer: “It’s all genetically modified. You can’t get canola oil that isn’t genetically modified.”

    Me: “Actually, the canola oil we use comes from a company called Spectrum that–”

    Customer: “Spectrum!? That’s an Illuminati company!”

    Me: “Let me get my manager for you…”

    Small Talk In The Big House

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA |

    (While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)

    Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”

    Me: “…I’d call the cops.”

    Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”

    Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”

    Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”

    Me: “Get out. Now.”

    Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*

    Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over

    | Morrow, GA, USA |

    (This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that took place.)

    Co-worker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to **** — is that a snake?!”

    (Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.)

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Co-worker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.”

    Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.”

    Co-worker: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.”

    Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away*


    Page 1,668/2,064First...1,6661,6671,6681,6691,670...Last