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    This Tutor Should Have Been Screened Harder

    | Australia | Top

    (I am reinstalling the operating system on one of the student computers. I leave a note on it stating that it is out of order, and that students shouldn’t touch the computer. A tutor walks in, and reads the note. He looks at computer screen, and reads the note one more time. He then turns the computer off before I can react.)

    Tutor: “I think there’s something wrong with this computer.”

    Me: “Why did you turn it off? Who told you to turn off?”

    Tutor: “Oh, the note said students weren’t allowed to touch it.”

    Me: “Okay, there’s a loophole there, I guess. But why did you turn it off?”

    Tutor: “I don’t know.”

    Rolling Your ‘R’s Can Be Bizarre

    | Philippines | Uncategorized

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you mean ‘R’ as in ‘Robert’?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I meant ‘R’ as in ‘Oscarrrrrrr’!”

    Run-Of-The-Mill Requests

    | Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer sets all their items up on the counter. This includes a six-pack of beer.)

    Me: “Okay, your total will be $12.12.”

    (The customer hands me their food stamp card.)

    Me: “I can run this through, and it’ll take most of the total off. But beer isn’t covered under this program. I apologize.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, what?”

    Me: “Yeah, alcohol isn’t covered under the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance program.”

    Customer: “But beer is nutritional. It has wheat in it.”

    Posthumous Post-Modernism, Part 2

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

    (Two teenage customers walk up to the information desk, and pick up copies from the stack of ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe Jane Austen let them do this.”

    Me: “Well, she’s been dead for nearly two hundred years. Her works are all public domain now.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She waves the book at me.)

    Customer: “Then how can you do this?”

    Posthumous Post-Modernism

    Misadventures In Time And Space

    , | MN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “[Taxi call center], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness. I need a cab right now!”

    Me: “Alright, we’ll try and work fast as we can for you. What is the address we’re picking you up from?”

    Customer: “1234 Smith Ave.”

    Me: “That address is not showing up in our system. Is there a direction on Smith Ave? North, south, east or west?”

    Customer: “I think it’s 1234 Smith Ave. Or it could be John St.”

    Me: “Alright. If you’re not sure of the address, is there someone there you can ask, please?”

    Customer: “Oh, this is my place.”

    Me: “You don’t know your address? Do you receive mail at your home? Could you look at the address on that for me?”

    Customer: “Hold on. Oh! It’s 1234 North Smith Ave!”

    Me: “Okay, that went into the system just fine. We’ll try and get a cab over to you as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “Oh dear. What time is it?”

    Me: “It’s about 9:15.”

    Customer: “Oh no! In the morning?”

    Me: “No, it’s 9:15pm…at night.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I didn’t miss my appointment. I need a cab for the morning! I’ll call back then! Thank you! Bye!” *click*