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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Numa Numa Meets The Beaches Of Normandy

    | Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    (I overheard two cashiers talking about World of Warcraft while an older female customer and her husband approached them.)

    Cashier #1: “My guild went on a big raid last night but didn’t complete it.”

    Cashier #2: “You weren’t able to kill the boss?”

    Cashier #1: “No, the boss was really tough to kill; we’re going to try again tomorrow.”

    Customer: *to husband* “We should call a manager–I can’t believe these kids are talking about killing their boss!”

    Cashier #2: “Oh no, ma’am, it’s a video game called World of Warcraft. You go on adventures to kill monsters, and the big ones are called ‘bosses’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your ‘World War’ game. No wonder there is so much violence in this world – video games teaching kids to kill their bosses!”

    Cashier #1: “It’s not ‘World War,’ ma’am, it’s World of Warcraft, and it’s not teaching us violence…”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it’s called. My husband fought in a real world war and he can tell you, violence is not a game! Right, Richard?

    Customer’s husband: *distracted* “Huh?”

    Customer: “Forget it. C’mon, we’re never coming back to this place. One of these kids is bound to shoot the place up.”

    I Say Tomato, You Say Purple Shtinkelfurter

    | Leeds, UK |

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any of them Red Rushkies?”

    Coworker: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, Red Rushkies?”

    Coworker: “Err… no, I’m sorry. I don’t think we stock those.”

    Customer: “Yeah you do, I buy them here all the time! Where are they?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything called ‘Red Rushkies’ here.”

    Customer: *sighs* “I’ll find them myself.”

    (There’s a pause of a few minutes, and then the customer comes back with a bag of raw peanuts.)

    Customer: “There you go!”

    Coworker: “Oh! Peanuts?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said!”

    Jonesin’ For Some Pepperoni

    , | British Columbia, Canada |

    (An older lady called in to comment about the sauce of one of our most popular pizzas.)

    Customer: “It’s as though you people put crack in it!”

    Me: *laughs* “It is pretty good…”

    Customer: “So, do you?”

    Me: “Do we… what?”

    Customer: “Put crack in it.”

    Me: “…are you asking if we put cocaine in our pizza sauce?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “No. I’m pretty sure they stopped putting drugs like that into food and medicine by the 1940s.”

    Customer: “Oh. Really? Because it would explain a lot. I just can’t stop eating this pizza!”

    Stairway To Nowhere

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I can’t seem to find the stairs to your second floor.”

    Me: “Ah, well ma’am, that’s probably because we don’t have a second floor.”

    Customer: “Yes you do, I’ve shopped here for 5 years. I’ve been to your second floor several times. If you look at this store from the outside, you can see that it’s big enough to house a second floor.”

    Me: “But there are no windows to show the second floor. No ma’am, we have that high ceiling instead. We never had a second floor.

    Customer: “YES YOU DO! Now stop screwing around with me and tell me where it is!”

    Manager: *overhearing this conversation* “Ma’am, I’ve worked here since our store opened 10 years ago. We’ve NEVER had a second floor.”

    Customer: “You’re lying! Tell me where the stairs are or I’m going to report your behavior to your corporate offices!”

    On The Politically Proper Placement of Puzzles

    , | Mesa, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “THIS STORE IS RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST!”

    Me: *confused* “Um… why?”

    Customer: “Your Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf! I demand to speak to your manager!

    Me: “Okay, go ahead. I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “This is an insult to me that your Native American puzzles are on the lower shelf. This is racism!”

    Me: “So, I’m a racist because the Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf…”

    (I look at the shelf and notice some animal puzzles on the very bottom shelf.)

    Me: “Well, I hope PETA doesn’t find these puppy puzzles down here then.”

    Customer: *storms off*


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