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    Zombies Need Lawyers Too

    | Miami, FL, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we are waiting on your prescriber to contact the pharmacy because parts of your prescription were unclear.”

    Customer: “Are you telling me my prescription is not ready?”

    Me: “Yes, it is not ready.”

    Customer: “Well, if I die, I’m suing you!”

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    This One Will Be Slow To Register

    | Hays, KS, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am supervisor. I take calls from normal representatives when customers ask for it.)

    Me: “Why is the customer escalating?”

    Representative: “He doesn’t know what he purchased.”

    (Although skeptical, I have the rep bring the customer on.)

    Me: “I’d be happy to help you out, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The last guy wouldn’t register my product.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to. When was it purchased?”

    Customer: “Today.”

    Me: “And how much did you pay?”

    Customer: “$50.”

    Me: “Alright, what is the product?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “I need to know what it is to register it, sir.”

    Customer: “Why can’t you just register it without that?”

    Not The Most Well-Red On Allergens

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Is that smoothie red?”

    Me: “Yes, the strawberries do that.”

    Customer: “Okay. I can’t have those. So, this one is orange, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. But it still has strawberries in it.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s alright. I just can’t have smoothies when they are red.”

    Eating Steak On Rare Occasions

    | Scranton, PA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I would like the 12 oz. New York Strip.”

    Me: “Excellent, sir. How would you like that prepared? There is a description of all of our options on your menu.”

    Customer: “Rare! And I mean extra rare! I want the cow to still be mooing on my plate!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. We can do that for you. Would you–”

    Customer: “I need you to write extra rare! I want it dripping blood. That is how a real man eats steak! That burnt stuff isn’t for real men! Extra rare!”

    (This continues for a few minutes, until I assure the customer that I will speak to the manager in order to be sure that his steak is extra rare. I put in an order for a ‘Black and Blue’. This steak is more rare than the usual; the inside is cool and the outside seared. As promised, I tell the manager about the customer’s specific request. After I serve the food, I get flagged down by the customer.)

    Customer: “What is this? This is cold! How long has it been sitting there?”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you I brought your dishes out as soon as they were finished.”

    Customer: “Then what is wrong with your cooks? They don’t bother cooking my food? Why is it cold?”

    Me: ”Sir, you ordered your steak to be extra rare. As it explains on the menu, this means that the internal temperature of the steak will be cool.”

    Customer: “What is wrong with you people? Who wants a cold steak? I never said I wanted a cold steak! I saw extra rare! That means the middle part is pink and hot! Who can eat this raw cold
    stuff!”

    Me: ”I apologize for the misunderstanding, sir. I can alert the management and have them make another steak for you.”

    Customer: “No! I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! This is disgusting. You people should be reported! Come on honey, let’s go to that sushi place next door!”

    Registrations Require You To Bend Over Backwards

    | Addison, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I am entering a software registration key. I do not know how to enter a backwards ‘E’.”

    Me: “For a game?”

    Customer: “Yes, for registering a game. It’s a product registration number on the manual. A backwards ‘E’.”

    Me: “Are you sure it’s not a ‘3’?”

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