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    Has The Gall To Ask Those Questions

    | Lewisville, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I approach the family member of a patient we have just operated on.)

    Me: “I just wanted to let you know he’s doing fine. We removed his gallbladder and everything went well. He’ll be able to go home today.”

    Family member: “Will it grow back?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Family member: “Will it grow back? His gallbladder?”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t quite work that way. We had to remove it because it was full of large gallstones that were causing him pain.”

    (I show them the x-ray.)

    Me: “See here. This is fat, and here’s the gallbladder and gallstones.

    Family member: “How’d the fat get there?”

    Me: “He…ate too much?”

    When Bowels Camembert It Any Longer

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”

    Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”

    Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

    Storm Of Protest

    | Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I would like to make a birthday reservation for July 12.”

    Me: “Okay, we can certainly do that for you.”

    Customer: “Before I do that, could you tell me what the weather is going to be like that day?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that visit date is over a month away. We don’t have any idea what the weather will be like.”

    Customer: “But, I thought you had one of those weather-predicting machines…”

    Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Canadians

    | Auburn, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m a Canadian citizen, but I’ve lived in the US for 12 years.)

    Student: “Canadians talk funny.”

    Me: “I’m actually from Canada, you know.”

    Student: “But, you don’t live in the woods!”

    Me: *amused* “Well, not all Canadians live in the woods, you know. They live in cities as well, just like here.”

    Student: “So, did you come here to have a better life?”

    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
    Yukon Not Spend It
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan
    Yukon Spend It
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
    Yukon See It On A Map

    Literally Scream For Ice Cream

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (Today’s featured ice cream flavor of the day was ‘Boston Pie’.)

    Me: “What kind of ice cream would you like?”

    Little girl: “A scoop of the Boston Massacre, please.”

    Father: “Sorry. That’s what she’s studying in school right now.”