Crashed Diet

| New York, NY, USA | Top

(A well-dressed woman and her teenage daughter are out to lunch at one of my tables. I have already brought them their drinks.)

Customer: *waving me over* “Miss! I asked for a diet soda.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have picked up another server’s order by mistake. Let me get you a new one.”

(I fill a diet soda myself and deliver it. Before even tasting it, she speaks up.)

Customer: “No! This isn’t diet soda! I’m on a very strict diet and I can’t have carbs!”

Me: “I filled it myself. I assure you that it is diet.”

Customer: *poking the drink with a straw* “Then what are these? I can see the carbs everywhere!”

Me: “You can see the carbs, Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! Are you blind? Can’t you see the bubbles?”

Customer’s teenage daughter: “Oh my God, mom! ‘Carbs’ mean carbohydrates, not carbonation!”

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A Touching Gift

| Maryland, USA | Top

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I touch my granddaughter.”

*awkward silence*

Customer: *turning bright red* “I mean, I want an iTouch for my granddaughter!”

Loyalty Ist Verboten!

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

Bad Company, Good Business

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier, and a customer comes up to my register with a lock.)

Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Customer: “Great. I’ll take it at the [medical supply store] price.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll just need the print out.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “Well, I need proof that the other store has the same product for a lesser amount.”

Customer: “Don’t you know what they sell it at?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t believe they sell this at all.”

Customer: “Well, just find a store that sells it at a lesser price and give me that!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. Unless you found the same item for a lesser price at another store, I have to charge you what our company sells it at.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because that’s business, sir.”

A Bit Grey With Anatomy, Part 2

| Concord, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(A girl begins to choke on some bread. The mother then proceeds to try and give the daughter some bizarre imitation of the Heimlich Manoeuvre.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait for her to stop coughing before you help her.”

Customer: “What? She’ll die by then!”

Me: “I’m certified in CPR, I know what I’m talking about. It’s not an emergency until she can’t cough. When she can’t cough anymore, I can help her.”

(The customer is now basically punching her daughter in the stomach, and I’m becoming increasingly worried that she is going to injure her. Suddenly, the girl stops coughing.)

Customer: “See, I didn’t need your help. And you know what? I’m certified too; I watch Grey’s Anatomy every time it’s on!”

Related:
A Bit Grey With Anatomy

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